Am I being unreasonable to suggest that kids who are faddy eaters have been "allowed" to become so?

[Lucia39]

This will no doubt get me "flamed" but hell, I don't want to watch the Champions League final so have left other half and teenage son to do so on their own - a good opportunity for some "male bonding" with some beer!

So, what do other parents think? Are faddy eaters born or made?

I recognise that we all have certain foods that we don't particularly care for or like but once those dislikes have been identified surely everything else should be accepted and eaten? I always advocated the "taste it and see" approach which generally worked. Although I wouldn't suggest that a two year old be given red hot Indian food just to "taste and see", but .... you never know!

I also often wonder if some children are faddy because their repertoire has been so limited and/or bland that they view anything that looks or tastes "different" with suspicion.

When I was growing up there was always an option at meal-times "take it or leave it" and my mother held to the view that when we were hungry enough we'd eat. I am also quite sure that a day without solid food will not actually harm any child!

lucia - What a load of bs

I think it's a bit of both, really. DS eats anything and everything, but I know not to get too smug as, karma being what it is, my next DC will pitch a fit when offered anything but plain noodles or something. Some kids are just naturally more picky than others, and some have special needs that make them that way. I think some of it is how the parents handle it, though. My nephew literally ate nothing for dinner but chicken nuggets and Doritos for a year. NOTHING. My SIL made them for him every day instead of even trying new things. (She also brings special food for her two DC to family occasions even though there's plenty- cheese and crackers, etc.- that they'll eat. She still brings along hot dogs or chicken nuggets, and honestly it drives everyone else nuts.)

I'm more of the "this is what I made, and you're free to eat it or not" club, but as I said, I haven't had a picky DC yet. I might be whistlin' a different tune in a few years.

I have 3 including twins. I've mentioned this before, I have 2 that will eat anything and I also mean anything 1 who is a major pita on the food front and was so from the day he was weaned.

My fussy dc is one of the twins and was weaned from the same pot as his brother and has in actual fact up until school dinners been fed exactly the same as his twin. So I have 1 fussy twin 1 fab eater twin so clearly it's not what I fed them.

I also go by the if he's hungry he'll eat it so there are no other options and I never pander as a result ds goes to bed most nights having eaten zero tea as he will NOT eat food that he dislikes which is a mighty long list.

Dp and I are serious foodies,we love food and I cook from a variety of books and up until recently had a veg box so most meals are never exactly the same. So obviously serving bland boring food isn't the reason either.

No the reason that I have 2 fab eaters is luck. The reason I have a fussy eater is because he is who he is and was born that way and I really couldn't care less. He eats food from all the food groups and isn't underweight(unlike one of my fab eaters).

Anyone who says it is anything but luck is simply a twat.

I disagree with your statement and with the twat label as I've seen two friends create picky eaters. Child turns it's nose up at whatever is on offer and something else is offered instead. Child turns it's nose up at that and gets a different food offered. This continues until child gets something it quite fancies. Then, after that being repeated routinely, the parent then tries holding out but the child, not unreasonably, is wise to that one and simply kicks up a big enough fuss or holds out and doesn't eat until the parent gives in and we're back to the selection of foods being offered routine.

Some picky eaters may well be born that way but some are created.

Well, at the risk of labeling myself a twat...

I DO think the way the kid is is luck. The way the kid continues to be is based on how the parent handles it. MilaMae's fussy eater would probably eat even less variety than he already does if he were allowed to, but as she said she goes by the "if he's hungry he'll eat."

how does the op explan than the phenomenon of kids from the same family, exposed to the same thing, but some being more fussy than others...
honest to god....be smug on the smug thread....

I disagree with it's how it's handled that bases how he continues to be.

I have 2 that eat olives,cabbage anything and everything they're real foodies people constantly comment on how good they are. They are treated the same as dtwin.

I never ever pander-he is still a fussy eater(he picks herbs off anything,won't touch anything in sauces,would peel sausages if I let him.

I'm doing beef stew tonight with swede,broccoli and jackets the other 2 will eat the lot he'll gouge out some baked potato that hasn't touched anything else, probably 2 forkfuls. He won't have any rice pudding to follow as he hasn't finished his first. I won't pander and I won't make a big thing out of it.

Aside from force feeding which I'll never ever do what is one to do?

I'm just saying that if you didn't stick to your guns, MilaMae (which you obviously do!), then you picky DS would most likely be an even worse eater. You're obviously doing all you can do.

I also agree with FairLady in that some picky eaters are definitely created. But again, some people are just born that way.

erm, while I do believe that soemtimes fussy eaters are created....it wasn't actually what I said, well, not what I meant...I meant, that Kids can be in teh same family, can be exposed to the same food,etc...but it doesn't promise the same outcome, i.e. some will eat lovely, the next kid could still end up fussy...

I have been trying to avoid posting on this as the OP made me rather cross but can't resist!

I was a fussy eater. Edam's early post about tonsillitis is interesting as I also suffered from this as a child....

But I think one of the main factors in my case was that I just did not like a lot of the food I was being given. My mother was not a great cook, she had a lot of demands on her time (looking after elderly relatives) and producing a delicious meal by 1pm (which was when we had our main meal) was probably unrealistic. A lot of our meals consisted of meat, under-cooked potatoes (the time factor) and over-cooked vegetables. The concept of gravy or a sauce was alien to her.

To answer the person who asked if fussy eaters were tolerated in large families - ours was large and yes, eventually my mother stopped trying to force us to eat what the adults were having. I would think she often produced 3 different dinners.

I improved dramatically when I left home!

The reason I no longer class myself as a fussy eater is that I enjoy a wide variety of food, but to this day I would not choose to eat that sort of meal. I prefer casseroles, pasta, curries, etc (anything with a bit of flavour, basically). I do wonder if when some people claim their children are not fussy it is because they only give them food they like?!

I can remember feeling like I would throw up when forced to try something I hated. Funnily enough, my fussiness was mainly about dinners. I happily ate soup, salads, fruit, etc.

Probably because of my own experience I hate to see a parent trying to force a child to eat something. Had this recently when relatives were staying with us and maybe felt they "had" to be firm in front of us.

I have one good eater and two fussies. I will admit that the thought has crossed my mind that maybe dd is a good eater because she went to nursery full-time from 6 months old and peer-pressure and no-nonsense staff ensured she ate well. However, she is like me and prefers food with a sauce or gravy.

The ds's on the other hand have never eaten stuff like casseroles, spag bol, etc (although they did as babies). One is good at eating vegetables but not things like pasta & rice, the other is a better eater and getting more adventurous all the time but still eats very few fruit & veg.

Maybe if my mother hadn't "pandered" to me and my siblings I wouldn't "pander" to my children, but who knows really?

Your mother sounds like that character out of "Butterflies" back in the 70s, Grapefruit.

It's not just tonsilitus, btw, apparently glue ear also makes eating difficult/painful and affects the flavour of food. Guess other ENT conditions may also. And someone earlier was saying babies who have been tube fed are far more likely to be fussy eaters.

edam, makes much sense, and whilst glueear and tonsilitis were the least of my problems, I would think it probably made an impact on my habits as a kid....although, for me it was mainly an issue that I could not chew many things (cleft lip/palate) and that will also have had an impact...although, possibly also in a similar way to tonsilitis and glue ear..., because it is very probably that my taste would be impacted, if you have several surgeries of mouth and nose...

nekabu... you are right. I posted way back ont he first page i think admitting just that.

I most definately pandered to my first and gave him whatever he wanted. He he refused what i made i gave him something else. Boy am i paying the price now he's 7.

I learned from this and my dd is totally the opposite.

I want to make it clear that by no means am i saying that all fussy eaters are created by parents, not at all. Just in my case ds's fussy eating is most certainly the results of my own mistakes.

Edam, I don't know if you have read any of the Marian Keyes books but there is a recurring mother character in them who I swear is based on mine - her children refuse to eat anything she cooks and insist that she stocks up on ready-meals for them when she goes to the supermarket.

My mother has got better in terms of her repertoire but finds it impossible to follow a recipe. When I last visited her she served up a dish which was edible but tasteless. I realised after a while that it was supposed to be a recipe I had given her for a Thai chicken dish but she had managed to make it totally devoid of flavour!

I can only comment on my personal experience, but special needs/sensory issues aside, I do believe children become fussy eaters because they're allowed to be.

I'm a nanny and have never had a fussy eater - even when they have been for their parents. I think this is because I don't have the emotional investment in the child/food that a parent does, there isn't that scope for it to be become about control or a power struggle.

Can't be arsed to read the thread, but I find that if you starve them and then hit them if they won't eat something, it works. It's fun, too!

From the perspective of a childminder, who feeds 4 under 3s every day...

The kids eat a lot more food (variety) with me than they do at home it seems - the parents are gobsmacked by the food they have with me. Yes, it could have something to do with their friend eating something and this encourages them to it too.. but it's also the case that I do not pander to their wants, but to their needs. I know what each child inherently doesn't enjoy (one loves pasta, but not protein, the other is the opposite!), and I have one who is allergic to cheese, milk etc. so cooking meals with 4 little ones that eat what they like at home was a real challenge at the beginning. I ended up making 3 teas a couple of times, which was ridiculous, - time-wise, financially and I hate wasting food. Plus as I am the adult I should be saying what meals we eat, not the children, in my humble opinion.

Even water - two of them refused to ever have it at home - mum didn't want a fuss, so gave them fruit juice and milk and din't bother with water... but at my home I offer water throughout the day not juice. That was that. They absolutely LOVE water. Drink loads at my place, and it took at least a year of drinking it at my place till mum finally managed to get them to drink it at hers.

Getting them to eat is a combination of endless encouraging, with love and firmness. For eg: The one little boy absolutely hated carrots mum said - so she never gave them to him at home, not wanting a tantrum. I was really keen to get him to enjoy them. So when carrots were on the menu, I would pop some on his plate (we eat raw batons at snack time, plus cooked pieces at tea), less than on the others' plates, and really encouraged him to eat them. He started nibbling little bits (I would pretend I wasn't watching him, but I was ) Then a few weeks in he cannot get enough of them! LOADS of encouragement and a big fuss when he'd eaten them Mum was delighted and started trying them at home too. I work closely together with my parents in trying to get their kids to try new things.

I believe there has to be a balance, we as the adults know what we need to give kids nutritionally... but then they are also little individuals, not robots... so a balance needs to be found. I spend a lot of time at meal times proactively encouraging them to eat new things, and 90% of the time, have an empty plate

Lots of children eat better at school, nursery, cms, playdates, grandparents' etc than at home. It is a common theme. Could be due to peer pressure or wanting to please a less familiar adult.

Yes in the same way that as an adult I would do my best to eat a meal that someone had made for me even if I knew it was something I didn't really like. I wouldn't feel obliged to cook it and eat it at home though!

Haven't read all the posts so excuse repetition...

it has been shown that kids accept more new/strange foods if they are exposed to them before the age of two. it has also been shown that they may need to be presented with a new food up to 24 times before they accept it.

The idea is that when moving onto solids you give them meals based on whatever you are eating - pureed of course-( provided you have a varied and healthy diet) so that they become accustomed to all the tastes and textures.

I don't think there is one single "right" answer to the OP's question. We all have our own preferences for foods, but biologically we are programmed to like sweet foods as that is how breast milk tastes, and our taste buds for sweet foods are on the tips of our tongues!

My kids will eat anything and always have- they are now adults. I think one way I made this happen was never to have battles over food, but just to clear away anything they didn't eat without comment- and if they were hungry after leaving some of it, they might be given a small piece of fruit or bread, but certainly nothing much. I certainly didn't pander to their whims and make 2 meals etc etc.

It's also about how YOU eat- if they see a variety of foods and youinterst them in cooking they are more likely to be adventurous, than if they live on burgers, chips, sausages, pizza and fish fingers- nothing wrong with any of those, but not all the time.

Bit of both I think.

I think some kids have genuine issues, I think some kids have a leaning towards "fussiness" (as opposed to a proper problem), and I think some kids are pandered to. Not much of an answer is it?

I am one of those smug mothers who's PFB will eat anything, he is (as someone upthread commented) a human dustbin. Appears to have hollow legs, if he can be pinned to a chair long enough he will eat whatever is put in front of him.

Does it actually matter? I think most kids in the West get enough nutrition.

My dd is 2 and a half and i have never been able to get her to eat carrots but the nursery does

I certainly don't pander to her and always put the carrots on her plate and have tried many different ways of doing them but she never eats them!

I think it's common knowledge that kids always eat better at nursery/grandparents/school. Just like they always seem to behave better when the parents aren't around.

My mil says my dd is really good the whole time she is there then as soon as dp and i appear, she takes off her halo and acts up.