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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being called 'auntie' by kids that are not my nieces or nephews?

137 replies

Nancy66 · 27/05/2009 12:12

Really grates on me.

In fact I don't even like my actual nieces and nephews to call me 'auntie' but friends kids...yuk.

OP posts:
loulabellecelino · 29/05/2009 11:11

Its not considered common where I live. On the other hand, small children addressing adults by their christian names just doesnt sound right. And to expect my kids to call my 20 odd friends whom I see at the stable yard every day Mrs X or Miss Y when I call them by their christian names is just ridiculous. So my kids use the "Aunty" prefix to any adult whom they need to speak to directly. Works for us, and no-one seems to mind. I'm auntie to at least 15 kids every single day.

That said, if it really jacks you off, then YANBU.

Cosmosis · 29/05/2009 11:19

Lol so did I. Prime commuter belt Surrey

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 11:35

Damn - I always come to these things when the party's almost over but YANBU - I absolutely hate it too... When my kids were born, my best friend used to sign cards from 'Aunty X and Uncle Y' and I really seethed about it. Don't know why and I appreciate that it is petty but they were NOT Aunty and Uncle, not to my children anyway...

I think it is a old-fashioned working class tradition to call older women who were neighbours and friends something other than their first names (which was probably considered rude for children to do back when they were seen and not heard). So it does have working class connotations.

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 11:35

Damn - I always come to these things when the party's almost over but YANBU - I absolutely hate it too... When my kids were born, my best friend used to sign cards from 'Aunty X and Uncle Y' and I really seethed about it. Don't know why and I appreciate that it is petty but they were NOT Aunty and Uncle, not to my children anyway...

I think it is a old-fashioned working class tradition to call older women who were neighbours and friends something other than their first names (which was probably considered rude for children to do back when they were seen and not heard). So it does have working class connotations.

MrsMerryHenry · 29/05/2009 11:42

YABVU. And culturally myopic. Loads of cultures around the world do this as one way of teaching children to show respect for their elders, rather then calling them by their first names. I was brought up doing so and I'm continuing that with my family.

The same thing happens in school, doesn't it? DS calls his nursery teachers 'Miss' or 'Mr' FirstName. So why not with other adults?

I do it with friends who I hold in high esteem. So if you were my friend and I told DS to call you 'Auntie' it would be a reflection of how great I think you are. I don't expect my friends to do the same with their children, it's my choice.

If you don't like it, don't tell your kids to do it. But equally don't get so het up when other parents ask their children to show you respect.

Fairynufff · 29/05/2009 11:49

MrsMerryHenry - it is not showing 'respect' it is imposing a level of intimacy/familiarity which you may not actually be appropriate. If you want to show respect you should say Mrs X not Aunty X

MrsMerryHenry · 29/05/2009 11:52

Yes, it is showing respect. In your subculture it may not be, but in the culture I was brought up in, that's exactly what it is. Same goes for billions of people around the world.

MrsMerryHenry · 29/05/2009 11:54

It's on the same level as 'talking back' to an adult - unthinkable for a child of African parents (such as me), or the Asian friends I grew up with but loads of my white schoolfriends did it - I was by this as a child. The only people I know who ask their kids to use 'Auntie' with non-rellies are either African or Asian.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 29/05/2009 12:02

fairynuff - the thing about respect, is that if the people concerned consider it to be showing respect, then it is showing respect to the people who consider it to be so, and by the people who consider it to be so by doing it. So if a group, a culture, a nation, whatever, feel that they are showing respect by not addressing their elders by their first name but by auntie or uncle and their elders feel that they are being shown respect by not being addressed by their first name but by auntie or uncle, then who is anyone outside of that to say actually, they aren't?

That is their intention and their perception. Therefore it is their truth. They are being shown respect because they believe that is how respect is shown and that is what they are trying to do.

MrsMerryHenry · 29/05/2009 12:06
edam · 29/05/2009 14:05

Very well put, Hecate.

In my Yorkshire village in the 70s, I think either Auntie or Mrs were about showing respect but Auntie also denoted (respectful) familiarity - you'd only use it for family friends.

I still miss my Auntie Pat (no relation and actually a Londoner) and must go and see my Auntie Lynda (the childminder who looked after us) soon!

Cosmosis · 29/05/2009 14:13

Oh yes absolutely only for family friends - anyone else was Mr or Mrs X.

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