Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 13:55

cthea, because it is such a long way to say it, surely....like asking you to say , "I a -insert as appropriate here- as well as looking after my children which I then share with dh..."

jellybeans · 27/05/2009 13:57

Don't see why anyone else should care if I describe myself as full time mum.

lockets · 27/05/2009 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningsun · 27/05/2009 13:59

Its really to do with how society still tends to define us by our work/profession and people frequently ask "What do you do?".

For a SAHM the answer is ..er nothing,which isn't a fair reflection on what they do do.

Hence the adoption of daft phrases like "full time mum".

WOTH gives you a certain professional status in addition to the fact that you are also a parent.

lockets · 27/05/2009 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cthea · 27/05/2009 14:02

Lockets - because you are expecting society to have changed just because you went away and had kids. That's what people ask "what do you do" and that's what they expect in return, an answer indicating what kind of paid employment you have. Whether you like it or not. You can fight against this but that's the way it is. When I say what I work I think people work it out in their minds what I don't do, e.g. not a mechanic, not a teacher etc. How facetious to say I don't define my job by what I don't do. Of course I don't. Who would? But in the case of "what do you do" I still think today's expectation is to say what kind of paid job you have.

morningsun · 27/05/2009 14:03

Yes and it sounds a bit like an apology for only being at home instead of proper work.

cthea · 27/05/2009 14:03

Yep, that would probably pigeonhole you better in people's minds. And if it's tickboxing we're talking about...

cthea · 27/05/2009 14:04

I mean boxticking.

Chellesgirl · 27/05/2009 14:06

I can see why people are mad about this lady's comment on tele.

i see 'Full time mum' as any woman who has had a baby.

As a full time mum you can be pregnant, just lost a child, or still with your children, or even dead yourself. Nothing ever stops you from being a 'full time mum'.

As a mum you worry about your children, you think about them all the time, what theyre doing at playgroup/nursery school etc... if they are happy. Just because you work it does not stop you from being a 'full time mum'.

maybe this lady doesnt get the actuall meaning of the words.

e.g. My mum is a full time mum. She works 6 days a week, has 4 dc's, 3 left home 1 at home/school. Shes always there for us.

Me, am a part time worker 5 days a week. Sometimes take my baby girl to work. Sometimes leave her at home. Ship her off at wknds (not every wknd tho). Still class myself as full time mum. Love my dd to ends of earth and back a trillion times over X ten billion....

My nan, Works 7 days a week, aged 66, obviously no kids at home, but still at the end of the phone at anytime of day you need her. A fll time mum in my eyes.

jellybeans · 27/05/2009 14:06

lol at 'only being at home' or doing 'nothing' (but I guess your childs carer is not doing nothing). Sometimes that kind of talk makes me think the poster is jealous. I would rather partake in caring for my kids and time for me than being some wage slave! Work can be overated. If you need that for your 'status' then great for you. But for me, staying home is fulfilling. I don't need to do anything else. If people see that as nothing then fine. Doesn't really get to me, I just wonder what their problem is. I don't accuse them of dumping their kids etc. I used to work f/t myself.

violethill · 27/05/2009 14:08

I am a full time mum and a teacher

(I am also not a lot of things, including, sadly, Johnny Depp's bit on the side)

cthea · 27/05/2009 14:08

Jellybeans - problems?

sarah293 · 27/05/2009 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JeanPoole · 27/05/2009 14:08

i am a fulltime mum too.

no reflection imo on what anyone else does, they can do whatever makes them happy.

but no other title explains what i 'do' as well as fulltime mum.

im not married to the house.
i don't stay home all the time

i do mother and care for my dd fulltime.

i think its the most quickest and easiest term to use and for others to understand.

of course if the convo goes furthr you can talk about what you used to do, and what you would like to do in the future etc etc

but for a short answer fulltime mum describes what i do best.

kittywise · 27/05/2009 14:09

This will go round and round and round and round and round in circles until the thread gets full and we will all slope off looking for a ruck somwhere else 'cos we will feel pissed off that this has not come to a neat and tidy conclusion.

cthea · 27/05/2009 14:10

Riven - yes, people still do that. The sheer cheek.

JeanPoole · 27/05/2009 14:10

riven, i sometimes answer the question in that zen silly way, if it someone i don't fancy talking to like such as someone at a party,

what do you do.
you know shop, have lunch, plan holidays, go to the park.
watch tv

JeanPoole · 27/05/2009 14:11

i think lockets has put it pretty well.

well said lockets

violethill · 27/05/2009 14:12

oh bog off jellybeans. We really don't need the wage slave crap again. Maybe you had a boring job which you found unfulfilling, but that says more about you than about anyone else!

Me, I'm glad that I have a career which I find fulfilling, socially beneficial and which also pays me well and gives me a good pension!! You are making the mistake of thinking that people who have good jobs somehow can't/don't enjoy being at home.

And personally my aspiration for my own kids is that they have interesting work lives when they're older. Statistically, the fact that they don't have a wage slave but people who enjoy their careers as parents will make that more likely

lockets · 27/05/2009 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thedolly · 27/05/2009 14:14

The more I think about this the more I take issue with not being able to use the term FTM. WOHMs have out sourced some of their childcare - fact? But I bet that no one would like the implication that they only cared for their children part time.

FTM is what it suggests - being a mum whilst others are busy being dentists/teachers/lawyers receptionists etc.

sarah293 · 27/05/2009 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

violethill · 27/05/2009 14:17

Nope thedolly - you may not like it but we are all mums and dads all the time. I don't 'outsource' parenting to my husband when I have an evening out.

I am a mum. End of. I don't stop being one when I'm out shopping/getting a haircut/on the lash/at work.

sarah293 · 27/05/2009 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Swipe left for the next trending thread