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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
nkf · 26/05/2009 19:17

I've done just about every variety of work and non work going.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:19

Believe me, doing it hands-on-full-time all the time is a job. It doesn't mean I love them any less but it is a job.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 19:19

For what it's worth... i don't go out to work. dh works full time..

call me a full time mum, lady of leisure, lady that lunches, waster, housewife, unpaid person, sahm.... i really and honestly am not remotely interested.... i love my life and that's really all that matters.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:20

Between 9am and 3pm on the 2 days a week I put DD in nursery and the DSs are at school, I am not a full time mum, I'm me. And it's heaven. Albeit a temperamental heaven balancing precariously on the fact I could be called back at any time.

lockets · 26/05/2009 19:21

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nkf · 26/05/2009 19:22

Soupdragon. I am repeating myself here so apologies. For me it doesn't seem like a job. And I had years of not working. And not once did it feel like a job. It was hard work sure but not a job. I felt that I set my own hours and did it my way and nobody watched over me and asked me to account for what I was doing. And there was no money. It didn't seem like a job. I do appreciate that for some people it seems comparable with a job. But it never struck me like that.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:22

Anyway, I don't actually care what anyone calls themselves. I don't very much care what anyone calls me either. I find this whole debate utterly ridiculous really. It's like arguing the difference between tomarto and tomayto.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 19:22

I don't see it as a job at all. Believe me, i was a full time registered nurse before my 2nd and this is a total breeze in comparason.

I accept it's hard and stressful at times.. just like life is... but that's what it is life, not a job at all. For a childminder etc yes, surely not for a parent.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:24

You set your own hours? Gosh. I find my children set mine. Oh, and the school.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:26

My pre-children job was a breeze compared to being a parent I got days off and everything. My children are my employers now and they are far more demanding than a bunch of actuaries

lockets · 26/05/2009 19:26

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slowreadingprogress · 26/05/2009 19:27

well, I've tried and tried but I still can't see what's controversial about someone who looks after their kids at home, describing themselves as a full time mum.

DS is now at school, and I work 9 - 5. It would be utterly bizarre to now describe myself as a full time mum. I'm not with him full time. The reality is other people work very hard to care for him; at school, and my mum for a couple of hours after school. How could I accept that then describe myself as a full time mum! It's just not true.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 19:28

Lockets... who said i only had 2??? I said i left work after my 2nd.

nkf · 26/05/2009 19:28

The school day does make a difference. But during the pre-school days, I did feel that I made the days up to suit myself and the children. I had fun. So did they. Those times were very precious to me. It didn't feel like a job. That's all I'm saying.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 19:29

slowreading... well said, this is what i said around about page 8!!!

nkf · 26/05/2009 19:29

Please don't get into a I've got more kids therefore I'm a harder working mother competition.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 19:31

Exactly right nfk... I never actually said how many children i had but it got jumped on straight away.

At the end of the day, some find parenting easier than others. To me it's a pleasure, hard, stressful but not a job.

nkf · 26/05/2009 19:31

It's controversial in the sense of being up for debate because it implies that going out to work makes you not a full time mother. It implies that your presence is the defining quality of motherhood. That's why it's a hot potato on MN. Because it calls into question what is a mother? And even worse what is a good mother?

slowreadingprogress · 26/05/2009 19:33

if you go out to work, you are NOT a full time mother!

I work, ds is at school. We are not together full time. Reality.

nkf · 26/05/2009 19:35

Slowreading, here's the thing. Not everyone agrees with you.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:35

I'm not a full time mother because from 9-3 on 2 days a week DD is in nursery and DSs are at school and I am ME.

I still have children but for those precious hours I am not being a mother.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:36

nkf, here's the thing. Not everyone agrees with you either .

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:38

At some point everyone's going to realise that

  1. There is no right answer and
  2. It really doesn't matter anyway.
nkf · 26/05/2009 19:38

WEll, I know that but I haven't made a sweeping statement about what is or isn't a full time mother. I've just said for me lookign after children isn't a job. I've been very careful to say taht I appreciate not everyone agrees with that point of view. And I've tried to explain to the "I don't get it" posters what the debate seems to be about. Seems to me that is.

lockets · 26/05/2009 19:38

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