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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my au pair for going into my room

97 replies

nvj · 22/05/2009 23:57

and getting a book off my bedside table that she had lent me, I'm in the middle of reading it and I come back from rare night out with my husband and she said i'm just borrowing this book back and then sat on the sofa reading it for 20 mins and has now gone to her room with it!
i was really looking forward to reading it and now am going to have to ask if i can borrow it again plus i am still a bit annoyed that she's gone in my room and taken it back! i'd never go in her room and take something even if it was mine!!!
sorry, feel better now that i've ranted!

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 22/05/2009 23:58

Her book!

Original poster
nvj · 23/05/2009 00:03

yeh i know but if i'd lent her a book i wouldn't just go and take it back when she's half way through reading it (it has a bookmark in it!)
ah well...

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 23/05/2009 00:06

as you well know, yabu

piscesmoon · 23/05/2009 00:06

Perhaps it was a misunderstanding in the firstplace and she meant you could borrow it when she had finished reading it.

luvoneson · 23/05/2009 00:11

I agree with you, she should not have gone into your room.

Original poster
nvj · 23/05/2009 00:12

she has already read it!!

anyway fine i'll just read something else...annoyed though as was just getting in to it...

OP posts:
Original poster
nvj · 23/05/2009 00:13

thank you luvoneson! i think that's what i'm annoyed about the most tbh!

OP posts:
jasper · 23/05/2009 00:14

her book.
YABU unless she rifled through your underwear drawer at the same time, in which case YANBU

luvoneson · 23/05/2009 00:24

I think these people are missing the point and harping on about the book. I get your point, its the room thing. I think you might need to set down some kind of ground rules. Honestly employ these people and they start taking the piss, I once had a cleaner and I came home from work one day very early as I felt unwell and her boyfriend was at my house laying on my sofa, I had never even met him before, my DH made me sack her. I was fuming.

luvoneson · 23/05/2009 00:25

Sorry to sound really stupid as i am new to this M/N site. what is YABU. can anyone tell me how to find out what all these abbreviations mean. thanks.

HolyGuacamole · 23/05/2009 00:29

luvonesun: YABU - you are being unreasonable.

Here's the acronym list www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

luvoneson · 23/05/2009 00:32

thanks holyguacamole

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 23/05/2009 00:39

I'm not missing the point of this, you don't want her in your room. It was, however, not your book. Yes, she should have asked but it's not as if she went through your things. An Au Pair is part of the family and shouldn't be treated as a stranger so I wouldn't have a problem with someone I had trust in going in my room to collect a book. Maybe you could leave it in the living room in future should she wish to read parts of it again.

pania · 23/05/2009 01:58

I think it was pretty rude of her a) to go into your room, which is after all your private space, and b) to take back the book while you were still reading it.. unless you have had it an unreasonably long time (like several weeks) or she had already asked for it back for some good reason. So YANBU, IMO.

OrangeFish · 23/05/2009 02:18

YABU

oliviasmama · 23/05/2009 03:16

Relax, it's not to do with the book is it, it's the room thing....if it's pissed you off then have a quiet word.

flamingobingo · 23/05/2009 07:25

YABU - she only went in there to get a book that was clearly visible, a book that is hers, and a book she wanted to read. She didn't rifle through your stuff.

If you want to read the book, I imagine you can afford to buy it yourself if you can afford an au pair?

YABU - get a lock on your door if it's such a big deal to you.

PuppyMonkey · 23/05/2009 07:29

"these people"...

Maybe you are the one being unreasonable for keeping her book so long!

Original poster
nvj · 23/05/2009 08:48

ok thanks for your replies....

i think some of you are completely missing the point but never mind.

firstly yes she did just take the book back but how do i know she didn't rifle through my stuff as we were out all evening and secondly i have only had it a week or so, not like it's been months on end...

flamingobingo - you are making some big assumptions in your post. I am actually a student teacher and spend all of my bursary on having an au pair so that my kids can come back to their own home after school. I actually struggle for money like everyone else so your post is very rude.

Fluffybunnygonemad - yes i know an au pair is supposed to be treated as part of the family, she's been with us almost a year and is very happy thankyou. You are completely missing the point. I wouldn't just walk into her room and take something even if it was mine. I would ask for it if i wanted it.

anyway whatever, i've started reading another book now :p

OP posts:
PM73 · 23/05/2009 08:59

I would just casually say to her 'oh i saw you have taken you book back but in future could you please not go into my bedroom thanks'

YANBU.

Thebolter · 23/05/2009 09:00

Well, I get your point. It would have been better if the AP had said something like, "I hope you don;t mind but I got this off your bedside table as I really fancy reading it again. You can have it back now."

BUT... I think there's something else going on here because I can't for the life of me see why someone would want to read a book again (unless it had some titillating erotic scenes in it ). Are you sure you've only had it for a week? Has she lent you things in the past that you've not given back to her? I think she's been waiting for a moment to go and seize it back!

Weegle · 23/05/2009 09:01

YANBU she shouldn't have gone in your room. It's about respect - I respect our AP's space and privacy and as such would not go in to their room without permission (and that's saying something as ALL the storage is in her room, biggest room). And thus I expect respect for my privacy and space back.

And ignore the comment about you being rich because you have an AP - it's ignorance. I pay for my AP through my DLA so my child can have a reasonable chance of the other experiences a child his age should get - doesn't make me rich, far from it, it's just a high priority.

Original poster
nvj · 23/05/2009 09:09

Thebolter - yes i'm sure i've only had it for a week and no she's never lent me anything else... she has every opportunity to go and get it back if she had wanted to as I am out all day and she is at home. When i came back in last night she said 'i borrowed this book back'and that was it! She did love the book when she read it the first time round and has now read the trilogy so maybe she is just obsessed with it?!

thanks Weegle, that is exactly how i feel, i really respect her space and wouldn't go in her room uninvited. I don't mind her going in my room if i'm here and even if she'd just sent me a quick text msg to say i'm just borrowing that book back would have been enough...

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 23/05/2009 09:17

YANBU...I think it would annoy me, too....because your bedroom is a private room, she should not go into it at all, I think....

and I think it is a bit odd that she would want her book back to re-read it, if you only had it a week...very odd....

katiestar · 23/05/2009 09:24

'some people' are not missing the point! they just don't agree with you.

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