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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my au pair for going into my room

97 replies

nvj · 22/05/2009 23:57

and getting a book off my bedside table that she had lent me, I'm in the middle of reading it and I come back from rare night out with my husband and she said i'm just borrowing this book back and then sat on the sofa reading it for 20 mins and has now gone to her room with it!
i was really looking forward to reading it and now am going to have to ask if i can borrow it again plus i am still a bit annoyed that she's gone in my room and taken it back! i'd never go in her room and take something even if it was mine!!!
sorry, feel better now that i've ranted!

OP posts:

stuffitlllama · 24/05/2009 05:08

Just thinking a bit more about this actually.

It's unthinkable for me to go to their rooms and walk in. I simply wouldn't do it. It's a mark of respect. If I did it, it would be a sign that something was seriously wrong, and I don't see that happening. There's not much difference really the other way around -- I just think it's only fair to put it in words so there's no misunderstanding.

HuffwardlyRudge · 24/05/2009 06:01

Another one here who thinks a bedroom is just another room in the house. Can't imagine being precious about someone going into my bedroom.

stuffitlllama · 24/05/2009 07:43

I think that's fine if it suits you. But if the op doesn't like it, the op has to say so. An au pair can't read minds. I don't think it's precious to not want people in my bedroom.. that's a quite critical thing to say huff.

stuffitlllama · 24/05/2009 08:36

God, if a bedroom was just another room in the house I would feel quite happy wandering around at other people's dinner parties checking out the duvets and the bedside reading.

But of course I don't, and neither do most people. I think?

HuffwardlyRudge · 24/05/2009 08:46

Didn't mean to be critical. Am just surprised.

I'm now wondering how many people I have offended by going in to their bedrooms, without realising that many people consider bedrooms different to the rest of the house.

stuffitlllama · 24/05/2009 09:32

btw nannyl I wouldn't take on a nanny who insisted on being allowed in my bedroom I guess our paths will not meet then! But I'm assuming you don't mind them going into your room?

I trust my staff with my children, with money, with all sorts of things. They trust me to be fair, to be understanding, to be generous, to be respectful. None of that involves me going into their room or them coming into mine!

let's face it, we all have boundaries, but we draw them in different places

FairLadyRantALot · 24/05/2009 09:51

Huff...am wondering why you ever needed to go into someones bedroom uninvited...lol...I mean, I simply can't see a reason for entering someone bedroom, unless by mistake getting the wrong door....

Different thing if you are invited in, of course....but if not...why?

My bedroom isn't precious as such, but, well...what if you have forgotten to put away your "toys" or some such things...

HuffwardlyRudge · 24/05/2009 10:48

Very recent example - was out to dinner at friends'. Ds did an enormous exploding poo and I asked friend if I could give him a wash, rather than try to cope with cotton wool. Although I asked, she couldn't really say no. Their bathroom is off their bedroom. I hope she wasn't traumatised!

FairLadyRantALot · 24/05/2009 10:52

Huff....slightly different situation though, was it....

It is the someone coming in if you are out, for no real reason that is the issue....

willowthewispa · 24/05/2009 11:10

I think there are two issues here.

Firstly, whether or not the au pair should have gone into the bedroom. Whether you think bedrooms are especially private or not is obviously a matter of opinion, and not unreasonable either way - it just needs to be made clear to the au pair that it is off limits!

Secondly, taking the book back - that does seem a bit weird. Could there have been a misunderstanding, or is the au pair peeved about something else? OP is NBU to be annoyed about that though.

StealthPolarBear · 24/05/2009 14:59

Huff, I wouldn't have a problem with that, although I would be if the bedroom or bathroom was a tip as it quite usually is. OTOH if you've invited friends for dinner and the only bathroom is off your bedroom I'm sure you've anticipated that someone might be going in there at some point

icedgemsrock · 25/05/2009 20:53

you wouldn't go in your paretns room??
We must live in different worlds, sounds like a very stiff and formal upbringing to me if you weren't comfortable going in your parents room - how bizarre!

Original poster

nvj · 25/05/2009 21:21

icedgemrocks - who said that? but with regards to your point... as a child obviously i went in my parents room but as an adult and as someone who doesn't live with my parents anymore i wouldn't just go in my parent's room to get something i had lent one of them - why would you need to?!! just ask for it back!! Manners surely?

anyway got the book back yesterday with an apology so all is sorted now!

OP posts:

letswiggle · 25/05/2009 21:30

haven't read whole thread, but it's a bit weird of her to get the book off your bedside table when you're obviously halfway through it, then read it in front of you. How rude!! And of course she shouldn't be in your room - you should have told her off sharpish. And she must have realised it was rude if she's now apologised.

isenhart7 · 26/05/2009 03:51

I think it's creepy. Really it could be the start of a horror film.

icedgemsrock · 26/05/2009 09:09

nvj you said - when you were at home you wouldn't go into your parents room- !
Yes I would still go into my parents room and they can go in mine.
Perhaps it's upbringing as we had all the doors permanently wide open including the bathroom door. Nothing to do with manners my parents were very strict on manners.

PaulaAtMummyKnowsBest · 26/05/2009 10:50

i have had au pairs before and I don't go into their room unless invited and expect the same courtesy shown to me

Maybe next time your au pair is out, you should go into her room and get the book back Sit in the lounge where she will see you reading it and tell her you weren't finished with it.

I would be furious if an au pair took something out of my room wthout permission in the same way that i would if one of my children did it. It is a lack of respect.

Original poster

nvj · 26/05/2009 11:03

icedgemsrock - what i meant was when i lived at home as an adult. I obviously went in my parents' room as a child although thinking back i don't think i just wandered in there whenever i wanted to take things!
I don't really understand why you would need to go in your parents' room or them to go in yours to be honest!
my bedroom door is usually open, in fact we hardly ever close any doors in our house, doesn't mean i want everyone wandering around my bedroom though!especially as it is usually a tip!!
I was brought up to respect people's privacy (people do keep private stuff in their bedrooms - well at least I do! lol) and to ask for things back rather than just take them back!

OP posts:

redandgreen · 26/05/2009 11:14

YABU. Twilight is like crack. A week was about 6 days more than you needed to read it.

icedgemsrock · 26/05/2009 11:20

more the bedroom thing than the book i was commenting on. Anyway we're all different. You have piqued my interest in this book though i've never heard of it, is it that good? Think i'll request it from the library.

Tamarto · 26/05/2009 11:39

YABU - For taking so long to read Twilight, as redandgreen said it's like crack!

Original poster

nvj · 26/05/2009 22:58

lol... well i'm a student teacher and don't get much time to read novels and when i do i usually fall asleep pretty sharpish as i'm so tired!! quite annoying actually! but yes it is a good book and glad i've got it back to finish!

OP posts:

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