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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude, or is it just me?

83 replies

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 20:56

I took my toddler and baby to a local library and took some toys for the baby to play with. I'd gone to meet a friend and her children and we 'set up camp' in a corner. There were a couple of other mothers around with their children too.

I am very happy for all the children to play with any toys I bring BUT I find it very rude when mothers just let their babies crawl all over us adults, playing with the toys etc without even acknowledging that their baby is 'gate crashing' and asking if we mind etc. This one baby was clambering on my lap and had snot streaming out of her nose, which she was gaily wiping all over the toys. The mother didn't once ask if we minded her being there and didn't say thank you when she eventually left either.

Is it just me that finds this inexcusably rude?? I keep ending up in situations like this and it drives me insane.

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 20/05/2009 20:58

Erm - well, you were in a PUBLIC library. Did you have stickers on all your toys, clearly stating that they belonged to you, and that nobody else's kids were allowed to touch them??!!

The snot thing is rather disgusting though, so YANBU about that .. But YABU to expect the other mother to ask if you minded her being there, given that she had as much right to be in the library as you did.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 20/05/2009 20:58
Hmm
kittywise · 20/05/2009 21:02

yabu, it's a public place, you have no rights to set up camp in a corner and be affronted that other members of the public are there too.

I wouldn't stop my baby crawling over a group of adults sitting on the floor in a children's area!!!

if you don't like other people's babies clrawling on you, stay at home or sit on a chair

squeaver · 20/05/2009 21:04

It's just you.

kittywise · 20/05/2009 21:04

Perhaps you might ask yourself why you keep ending up in situations like these?

I cannot understand your attitude.

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:04

well maybe you should meet at your house/your friends house and then you'd be ok?

i think you're being unreasonable tbh. libraries aren't really there for you to take toys to and play in are they? you just want a free place to go so your own house doesn't get trashed.
bizarre

MrsMcCluskey · 20/05/2009 21:07

How can you 'set up camp' in a public library?
Did you put your windbreak up?
You are the one being rude.

rubyslippers · 20/05/2009 21:07

maybe they were hacked off with you and your friend setting up camp and getting in their way

there were at least 6 of you ... i am betting your library isn't that huge

and bit of give and take perhaps?

monkeypinkmonkey · 20/05/2009 21:08

YABU you can't expect to be in a public children's area without being climbed on by a child.
What would you want the mother to say?

Original poster
BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:09

Ah I haven't made myself clear - I DON'T mind other children playing around or with the toys because of all the reasons that you've listed, but I would expect the mother who is sitting on the other side of the room watching to ask if we're ok with her baby who kept clambering up on to our laps, which was tricky when I also had my own doing the same. I felt like a free baby sitting service for her.

OP posts:
pinkstarfish · 20/05/2009 21:10

YABU. If that was me, I would have been thrilled for other little kiddiwinks to come and join our little gathering, my kids would have loved more/new company, snot included, it's not going to kill you! (or maybe I just have nerves of steel?)

You were in a public place, that child had every right to be there. If you want a private play date with your friend and children, do it in a private place.

Lilyloo · 20/05/2009 21:10

a baby gate crashing a public area, really

Lilyloo · 20/05/2009 21:11

How can you be angry at a little baby climbing on your knee because your toys look interesting ???

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:11

well i just wouldn't have let the baby clamber up.

still think you are being unreasonable. imagien if everyone decided to turn up and "set up camp" at the library it'd be bedlam

juuule · 20/05/2009 21:12

If you take your own toys then it usually ends up that other babies/toddlers want to play with them. So, either accept that you have to share or don't take your own.

As regards other babies crawling over you - I think that's a bit odd. Whenever I have been anywhere if a baby has come and climbed up on me there has usually been a vigilant mother nearby who would apologise and go to remove her baby. Sometimes I didn't mind and would smile and be encouraging. Sometimes I would be busy with my own and be happy that the other mother was removing her baby. All would be done with smiles. I would also do similar if my baby wandered off and was seemingly imposing on someone else.

So imo yabu with the toys but not really bu with the crawling babies.

In future, could you gently encourage the baby back to it's mother?
I'm not sure what the situation is at your local library but you do seem a bit rude yourself not wanting to associate at all with the other mothers and babies.

Original poster
BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:12

I wouldn't sit just watching my baby or toddler spending the best part of 40 minutes trying to get on to someone's lap without saying anything.

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 20/05/2009 21:15

Yeah BiscuitStuffer that's a fair point actually! Bit odd, wonder why the mum didn't say anything ... probably glad to have a break from her little terror munchkin ...

MummyDragon · 20/05/2009 21:15

sorry, strikeouts didn't work!

MummyDragon · 20/05/2009 21:16

maybe she thought you worked at the library and it was a kids' morning or something?

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:17

well maybe she thought you didn't mind.

after all, you'd set up your own mum and baby corner complete with toys et al

Original poster
BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:18

AAaaargh!!

I EXPECT TO AND REALLY DON'T MIND SHARING THE TOYS!!! I also don't mind crawling strange babies but there is a limit to what i think is ok.

ok Glossary:

Setting up camp = shoving buggy in buggy bit, coats off, toys emptied on the floor for every to play with etc (meaning everyone in the library' and big bums on floor with kids either wandering about choosing books or on our laps for a story. My newly crawling baby doesn't sit still enough for stories hence the toys so he didn't wreck the books.

Gate crash = baby requiring repeated input from a stranger who is trying to do other things with their own children of a 'library nature'.

OP posts:
Original poster
BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:20

Oh and I fully expect toys to be all over the place (and hopefully still in the building) by the end with me hunting stuff down with my bum in the air as we try and leave.

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 20/05/2009 21:21

She probably thought you were running a toddler group.

Original poster
BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:22

I have reread my OP and realise that I didn't put a timescale on it which I think is the essence of my story . Sorry about that.

OP posts:
juuule · 20/05/2009 21:28

YANBU - you shouldn't have to look after someone else's baby while you are dealing with your own and having some time with your friend and her toddler.