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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude, or is it just me?

83 replies

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 20:56

I took my toddler and baby to a local library and took some toys for the baby to play with. I'd gone to meet a friend and her children and we 'set up camp' in a corner. There were a couple of other mothers around with their children too.

I am very happy for all the children to play with any toys I bring BUT I find it very rude when mothers just let their babies crawl all over us adults, playing with the toys etc without even acknowledging that their baby is 'gate crashing' and asking if we mind etc. This one baby was clambering on my lap and had snot streaming out of her nose, which she was gaily wiping all over the toys. The mother didn't once ask if we minded her being there and didn't say thank you when she eventually left either.

Is it just me that finds this inexcusably rude?? I keep ending up in situations like this and it drives me insane.

OP posts:

cthea · 20/05/2009 21:29

You take your own toys to the library? Why do you go there then? I thought people went for the books, not just a place out of the wind with free loos available.

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:29

but no-one was making her look after a baby. all she had to do was put the baby down/not let it climb up.

Sidge · 20/05/2009 21:30

Maybe they thought you were staff at a library creche?

If I had been there I would have been wondering what on earth you were all doing setting up Baby Camp in a library. If you want to meet for coffee and a play with the babies do it at one of your homes - I know libraries are public spaces but that doesn't mean I'd expect to see a load of women and babies spread over the place!

(But I wouldn't let my baby climb all over a stranger either, that's a bit odd too)

juuule · 20/05/2009 21:34

thisisyesterday - have you ever tried to discourage a determined baby who wants to climb on you. You put them down and they keep getting back up It usually needs their parent to remove them.

I'm thinking that op had toys etc because it was one of those toddler group things that libraries arrange these days to encourage people into the library.

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:35

I was there with my toddler to read books and also have a baby who is caught between being clingy and wanting to practise his new crawling. I brought the toys for the baby to make sure he didn't chew on any books if I got distracted and to give him something to crawl after. The toys were things like a small ball, wooden spoon etc - not big items with flashing lights. My friend was doing the same with her children of the same age. Of course we talk to everyone there - that's part of the charm of the place!

OP posts:

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:35

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:37

yes, I have, but I am quite persistent!
I imagine she wanted to be all over them because they had toys etc.

or maybe the baby was like my ds2. and no matter how much you remove him he;'ll keep on doing it so now I just don't bother lol.

troutpout · 20/05/2009 21:37

Nah..
You are still being a little bit unreasonable
sorry

It's such mixed messages too..Kinda welcoming..but kinda not? I'm actually confused..did you want to create a sort of welcoming corner or not?
If not...then why not do it at home?
If yes..then why get miffed about it working so well?

If i went into library with my baby and saw loads of toys on the floor (which i did used to see in my old library) i would assume they belonged to the library (they did). I also wouldn't have any problem with my baby approaching another mother or play with the toys.

juuule · 20/05/2009 21:38

Why didn't you have a word with the mum of the crawling baby?

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:38

perhaps OP, you should go, choose your books and then take them home with you?

you say you were climbed over for 40 mins, but also that the other parent/child left before you.
that's a long time! you could have been in and out in 15 minutes

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:39

Ah Juuule and MummyDragon - it seems as though you are actually understanding what I am, clearly very badly, trying to explain. Thank you!

OP posts:

Mulanmum1 · 20/05/2009 21:39

Couldn't you just have asked the mother to take care of her baby so that you could do things of - as you put it - 'a library nature' with your kids?

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:41

Why would I want to be in an out in 15 minutes . The toddlers love choosing books and 'reading' them or having stories read to them. It's nice to stay until they've had enough surely?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 21:44

well, clearly it isn't nice for you!

cthea · 20/05/2009 21:46

Take the books home and have enough of them without being bothered by other people's snotty toddlers. Yeuch!

SlartyBartFast · 20/05/2009 21:47

i think it was the snotty nose that was the crunch of the matter, eew if it is not your child.
strange, odd woman, perhaps she's depressed, was she ignoring babe?
poor babe

kittywise · 20/05/2009 21:48

I still think it's your attitude that means you think you always end up in situations like these. It's a public place, things like this happen.
You would have a much easier time of things if you realised that and just chilled.

Pennies · 20/05/2009 21:49

BS - I'm with you on this one.

Yes, once or twice is OK but repeatedly over the timescale you've said is not on.

YANBU. It would have annoyed me too, esp the snot. I'd have taken said baby back to its mum with some pointer to the fact that its nose needed some TLC.

juuule · 20/05/2009 21:49

But it only isn't nice for Biscuitstuffer because someone else isn't keeping their baby from intruding on what she and her children are doing over the period of time they are at the library. Why should op have to cut and run? Presumably she normally has a nice time with her children at the library. Small interruptions are fine. Having to include someone else's baby for a large chunk of time that you want to spend with your own isn't great.

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:49

Ah - and why are you assuming that all the toys stayed in the corner that they started in?? This is actually quite interesting - what child do you know comes to the toy and then doesn't run off with it??? It takes about 10 minutes for the toys to be equally spread around the entire room.....hence the hoping that they are still in the building when you try and retrieve them to go home! I think the baby locked on to us because we were where the toys were intitially. I am just surprised that the mother didn't check on the lap climbing issue and I am amazed that you think it's ok to let another adult have to deal with your baby on such a physical level.

OP posts:

Overmydeadbody · 20/05/2009 21:51

BiscuitStuffer I think I know what happened. I bet the mother assumed you where a librarian sitting there to read to the children and stuff. You often get them in the children's sections of libraries. That's why she didn't say anything, she assumed you where there for her baby to climb all over and stuff

Perhaps you are dressing in the wrong things?

SlartyBartFast · 20/05/2009 21:51

SlartyBartFast · 20/05/2009 21:52

not rude but ... did you try and catch her eye?

eskimum · 20/05/2009 21:52

I find that I often encounter parents who are the opposite of this mother you describe. They apologise every time their child/baby touches the corner of my coat or slightly intrudes into my personal space, constantly tell their child off for just touching things/speaking to people because they're so worried their child is a nuisance/annoying to others. I feel so sorry for the children in these situations.

I am always happy to talk to/play with other children/babies especially when I have mine in tow and I think it is a shame that we are so un-child friendly in this country that we should as the Op obviously thinks, assume that our children are an annoyance/inconvenience to others and have to keep them away from people.

Overmydeadbody · 20/05/2009 21:52

BuiscuitStuffer she definately thought you where the librarian!

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