Is it rude, or is it just me?

[BiscuitStuffer]

I took my toddler and baby to a local library and took some toys for the baby to play with. I'd gone to meet a friend and her children and we 'set up camp' in a corner. There were a couple of other mothers around with their children too.

I am very happy for all the children to play with any toys I bring BUT I find it very rude when mothers just let their babies crawl all over us adults, playing with the toys etc without even acknowledging that their baby is 'gate crashing' and asking if we mind etc. This one baby was clambering on my lap and had snot streaming out of her nose, which she was gaily wiping all over the toys. The mother didn't once ask if we minded her being there and didn't say thank you when she eventually left either.

Is it just me that finds this inexcusably rude?? I keep ending up in situations like this and it drives me insane.

I don't think YABU at the baby climbing into lap for an extended period. However, is it really so awful? I have quite a large lap and often had DS on one leg and some random kid on the other.

Maybe the mum thought you didn't mind? I wouldn't have, and maybe SHE wouldn't have so if you did you should have said something.

I would have wiped the snotty nose for starters. If she is happy to let her baby clamber all over you then she couldn't possibly object to that.

Baby on floor of restaurant with toys I wouldn't do so I guess it serves you right if the toys get mistaken as communal.

well, my local library is so fab it's unbelievable. there's a toy section (about 5 tables, with toys & big wooden drawers full of toys) and a puppet theatre for kids to play with freely, loads of parents grab a book for themselves, then keep half an eye on the kids while parent reads & kids play with toys.

however, recently there was a little girl there who seemded so alon that i couldn't work out who she was with. after quite a while i noticed a couple who really had 'set up camp' in a corner - pulled chairs round to form a separate section, the woman was kneeling on the floor, a the feet of a man. he read something to her, then talked to her for a long time while she gazed up at him, barely speaking. then he gave her a private yoga lesson. not once in over an hour did they even look at the girl who was on her own. she looked over at them & pointed, saying 'momma' sometimes, but never tried going over to them. luckily, dd enjoyed playing with her & making up stories in the puppet theatre, but i did end up childminding the little girl for a long time.

some people do just 'switch off', they think their kid is happy, and then just blank them out while they do something else. not my style of parenting, though.

You can't win this one. The only socially acceptable response to very small children is 'aww, hello honey' etc, and big smiles, so other parents naturally assume you're happy and pleased to entertain their kid.

I don't know how many times I've happily started off playing with other people's kids assuming that after a while they'll come and take them away, when in fact as long as I'm still smiling they will accept the free childcare, and think how nice for me to get to play with their kids as I so clearly love it.

I spent an entire party once entertaining the only child there while my friends had a great time getting pissed and gossiping. It got to the stage where I couldn't actually say 'anybody else want a shot of this now' without offending the parents.

Well, I agree with you being agitated. Your not a nanny there to babysit other mums kids whilst they chill out or chat on their phones or whatever. I hate this, just because we all have children, it doesn't mean we have a sign on our heads saying "hey calling all children, come and annoy the hell out of me!" Take responsibility for your own children. I certainly wouldn't let my 2 girls crawl over strangers and ignore them whilst they do it, why is that a good thing?
Its lazy mums if you ask me

Could you have called over to the mum - 'is this your little one? She needs her nose wiping.' Or more passive aggressively, to the child a loud 'where's mummy? do you want to have a story with your brother/sister?'

I so often see AIBU's on here where I think, why didn't you just say something to them?

YANBU, her mum should have asked if you minded entertaining her child, I would have done.

I think it is the principle of it even more than the actual that really wound me up. No acknowledgement or communication of any sort. If she had, ironically I would probably have been fine with it but I went all 'British'!

There are a whole host of reasons why another mother may not be up for playing with your child and you would have no idea:

Shattered due to short broken nights & very long days
Pregnancy nausea
Feeling ill
Just had some bad news
Works full time and was trying for quality time with their own kids etc etc

Everyone seems to assume that everyone is in a better (or the same) physical and emotional state than they are and yet they have no idea half the time.

Really pisses me off.