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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude, or is it just me?

83 replies

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 20:56

I took my toddler and baby to a local library and took some toys for the baby to play with. I'd gone to meet a friend and her children and we 'set up camp' in a corner. There were a couple of other mothers around with their children too.

I am very happy for all the children to play with any toys I bring BUT I find it very rude when mothers just let their babies crawl all over us adults, playing with the toys etc without even acknowledging that their baby is 'gate crashing' and asking if we mind etc. This one baby was clambering on my lap and had snot streaming out of her nose, which she was gaily wiping all over the toys. The mother didn't once ask if we minded her being there and didn't say thank you when she eventually left either.

Is it just me that finds this inexcusably rude?? I keep ending up in situations like this and it drives me insane.

OP posts:

oliviasmama · 20/05/2009 21:53

FGS - it wouldn't have bothered me that much but if it had I'd have gone home with my pal and her DC and had a nice quiet time at home with the DC playing happily

cthea · 20/05/2009 21:53

Are you serious? What's wrong with touching someone else's baby? How physical did you get?

Overmydeadbody · 20/05/2009 21:54

she thought you where the librarian

valleysprincess · 20/05/2009 21:55

My dd is a clamberer. She's 11 months and very friendly. It never occured to me before that anyone would be upset by her

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:55

Kittywise - another situation - my family met another family for pub lunch in an almost empty pub and sat in back area well away from everyone else (side room stuck on to main bit). Had said bag of 'toys'. Babies down at our feet (not mobile at this stage and no toddlers) playing. 2 mothers come in with 3 kids between them aged 2-3 and sit down on the floor at our feet (food had arrived, we're eating) next to our babies playing. Don't say a word to us. They're there for about 2 mins and then the mothers go and leave the kids. The kids then start taking the toys back to their area.

It MUST have been obvious from the items alone that we had brought them - kitchen stuff mainly!

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 20/05/2009 21:57

how weird,

SlartyBartFast · 20/05/2009 21:57

you must be such a natural with children people flock to you

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 21:58

Ha ha perhaps I should become a librarian!! .

I'm always happy to see other babies too but I went there with 2 kids, not 3!

OP posts:

oliviasmama · 20/05/2009 21:59

I wouldn't have liked that but I think a restaurant / pub is very different to a public library - don't you?

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 22:00

valleysprincess - it all depends on how much clambering I guess?? It's lovely meeting new babies but not if it goes on long enough for you to feel like their childminder!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 22:01

agree eskimum!

oliviasmama · 20/05/2009 22:01

You should charge BS

oliviasmama · 20/05/2009 22:03

another who applauds eskimum

chegirl · 20/05/2009 22:03

It IS a bit odd that the mum didnt come and get her kid.

I am always trying to get my mitts on other peoples' babies and they are forever thwarting my efforts

(obviously I dont mean that in a sinister way, I just like babies).

OP does sound a bit meany but on further explaination I can see what Biscuit is getting at.

40 minutes is a long time for the mum to pretend not to notice DC was trying to adopt Biscuitstuffer.

MillyR · 20/05/2009 22:04

I think YANBU OP. You should be able to take a toddler and a baby into a library, give your baby something to play with and then be able to attempt to read some books to the toddler without having to look after additional babies as well.

Posters on this thread seem to be suggesting that your toddler can't spend extended periods reading in a library unless you are prepare to offer a free childminding service.

It is hard enough trying to read to an older child with one baby vying for attention without other people's to contend with too.

What was the mother of this baby doing? Choosing a DVD?

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 22:06

Anyway - I shall take on board what you've all said though I still think that parents should be sensitive to the fact that the person their lovely is climbing all over may not actually be up for it (for whatever reason and for whatever period of time) and that they they should parent their child in public places and not leave it up to other people.

I do absolutely agree about going over the top the other way and not letting your child do anything but usually after saying something once, the other parent will make their position clear about whether they mind or not etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 22:09

Ironically, the other mother was reading to her toddler and glancing over to her baby from time to time but curiously her face was totally blank - no smile, no communication of any kind. I found it very odd. Perhaps she had that medical condition where your face doesn't work.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2009 22:10

yes BS, what was the other mum doing all the time?

MillyR · 20/05/2009 22:12

Maybe it isn't her baby. Maybe she was a not very good child minder/babysitter/an aunt and only the toddler was hers.

Ronaldinhio · 20/05/2009 22:16

yabu imo also I hate people who do this

haven't you ever heard the expression

SSSSCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!

6inchnipples · 20/05/2009 22:16

I would have picked the said baby up and taken he/she over to the mother and with a smile i'd have said 'is this your little bundle' whilst plonking he/she in her lap. Surely that would get the message across??

chegirl · 20/05/2009 22:18

Maybe the mum is going to start an AIBU 'to think that the librarian who wouldnt put my baby down is a baby grabbing weirdo without a hankerchief?'

Original poster

BiscuitStuffer · 20/05/2009 22:20

Chegirl - very good!!
She may not have been hers - very good point!

Ronaldinhio - I don't understand!!

OP posts:

cornflakemum · 20/05/2009 22:24

Well actually OP, I can see where you're coming from on this... it annoys me too if I make the effort to take toys/crayons to amuse the children at e.g. a pub/ restaurant/public place and then end up acting as creche manager for all the lazy feckers parents who can't be arsed bothered to entertain their own children.

Some interest from other children is to be expected, but if it's clear that you're engaged in something else then other parents should be polite and distract their children.

The snot thing is just clearly disgusting. Reminds me of the fact that on Saturday we were at a family restaurant place (Frankie & Benny's) and one family were letting their baby/toddler get up and down from the table every few minutes (between slices of pizza)and run around the restaurant. When I came to leave I had a baby-sized hand-print of tomato paste on the side of my beige jacket where she had been 'cruising' between chairs .

l39 · 21/05/2009 13:04

I can see your point, BiscuitStuffer. I think it very odd for a parent to let a small child get so far from them in a public place and put strangers in the position of perhaps having to save the child from hurting themself.

Once at a park my dh and I were pushing our twins on the swings. A small toddler wandered over, her mum staying quite a distance away, and obviously I kept an eye on where she was relative to the swings. When she was about to walk into a moving swing, I put my arm out straight to ward her off, so that she bumped gently into it with her chest between my wrist and elbow, saying something like 'Please stop, you'll hurt yourself.' I got an absolutely poisonous look from the other mother!

I thought I'd made a reasonable compromise between 'Never touch someone else's child without permission' and 'Don't let a child get hurt within inches of you' but clearly she thought I'd got it wrong! Would she have preferred her daughter to be bashed by the swing and sent flying? Some people are very odd.

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