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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this girl is appaling?

57 replies

floppybits · 17/05/2009 07:50

I know a mother of a toddler who is in my opinion wreckless. She is a single Mum on benefits, her family and ex have the child alot but she is off her head on booze, drugs and smokes like a chimney. I have been awake since 3.30 this morning because she's so drunk she's playing loud music and shouting and keeping my poor DD awake. I have now seen that her child is home whilst she is in this state. Is it me or should she be more responsible when her child is home, its not like she doesn't get any breaks. Also what about the money she's blowing which should be for her daughter? What about the tax paying neighbours who don't get any sleep...?

OP posts:
InternationalFlight · 17/05/2009 07:53

Are you a journalist or a phd student? Or just a daily mail reader?

I think you'll get flamed for what is, after all, an inflammatory OP.

You could get it pulled now or wait for the onslaught.

Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 07:58

why for thinking someone should be more respectful, especially of her own child? have nothing against anyone on benefit but people who shit all oevr everyone who has had a hard week at work should grow up.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/05/2009 08:00

So she'd be OK to do this if she was working?

Must get sloshed and shout all night after a hard day at work then!

Stumblebum · 17/05/2009 08:01

Of course it's a concern that she is so drunk while looking after her daughter.

The fact that she is a single Mum and on benefits is wholly irrelevant.

Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 08:03

so its ok to get wankered when you re responsible for a toddler? why is everyone latching on to the whole work thing rather than the whole picture here? maybe i'm terrible at getting a point across. I should also point out that this happens every week.

OP posts:
Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 08:05

its not irrelavant that she's on a low income and blows so much money getting off her head. in the past shes had us up until 5am when my husband has to then go to work. It sucks.

OP posts:
InternationalFlight · 17/05/2009 08:05

Exactly - you mentioned the work thing, and tax payers etc which I'd have thought you knew by now would give people an inroad to FLAME you big time. Heck it happens in the most innocuous posts.

People like a benefts fight, so don't give them the opportunity.

Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 08:09

Let me make it clear here that there are loads of single mums on benefit who do a great job and i have nothing against it at all. i get fucked off with people who have no respect for anyone else.

OP posts:
Boys2mam · 17/05/2009 08:09

Have you tried talking to her about the noise when she's sober.

We have had issues with our neighbours in the past when their kids have been staying at the grandparents and when I spoke to them they genuinely didn't realise how loud they were being. It doesn't stop the noise creeping up a bit at times but they are now a lot more respectful.

oregonianabroad · 17/05/2009 08:11

Have you tried talking to her about the noise issue?

Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 08:12

yes have told her at the time and when shes sober and got to the point that i couldnt be bothered to speak to her. eventually got an apology but obviously its now the weekend and its all gone out the window. other people have had a go too.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/05/2009 08:12

You have no idea how much she spends buying alcohol etc.

The fact that she is single and on benefits has no bearing on this and you are just being a snob in that respect. You do read the Daily mail don't you?

SoupDragon · 17/05/2009 08:14

Call the police, her landlord or the council's noise nuisance department.

Original poster
floppybits · 17/05/2009 08:16

well a pack of fags is at least a fiver andenough booze to last an entire night must cost a bit too. i have already saidthe fact that she is single and on benefits is not the issue, the fact that she is getting that money to feed and clothe a child is. some people on this are really out for a catfight arent they? How can you call me a snob, its a moral issue.

OP posts:
Boys2mam · 17/05/2009 08:18

Does your local council have a policy for dealing with noise pollution? And If it really is that loud, if she is living in a council house, they should be able to warn her a a tenant.

Boys2mam · 17/05/2009 08:19

as a tenant

SoupDragon · 17/05/2009 08:21

It clearly is an issue or you wouldn't have mentioned it at all. Also, you are whining about "tax paying neighbours" not being able to sleep as if they are superior beings. Sounds like a snob to me.

Like I said, you don't have any idea at all how much she spends on stuff because she may not be paying for it.

Like I said, call the police, her landlord or the council to complain. If you complain to her landlord then she'll most likely be thrown out.

Pheebe · 17/05/2009 08:27

I think you're missing the point here. What I don't think how this woman chooses to live her life is any concern of yours really. However, if she's causing a noise nusance, get the council involved (keep a diary etc etc). If you're concerned for the welfare of her child, get SS involved. DO you know her family? Can you talk to them?

As others have said, going all judgy on how you perceive her to be 'wasting your hard earned tax money' is only going to get you flamed and is unlikely to elicit any constructive comments on how you can deal with your RL situation.

YABU to judge her and thnk she's 'apalling',

YANBU to have genuine concerns about her welfare, her childs welfare and the nuisance she may be causing to you and your neighbours.

Pheebe · 17/05/2009 08:28

Skip the 'what' and that second sentence makes sense ...v tired this morning

junglist1 · 17/05/2009 10:07

The benefits remark is way out of line. The fact that you pay taxes has nothing to do with it either. But you're not wrong about the noise, so talk to her once more, then get environmental health involved if you have to.

sandcastles · 17/05/2009 10:18

"She is a single Mum on benefits"

Why is that relevant? Are married and/or working mums incapable of getting drunk/high?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/05/2009 10:23

She may buy cigarettes cheap from smugglers. Someone else may buy them for her. Likewise the booze. Yes, she sounds quite irresponsible but being single and not working has bugger all to do with that. Have you tried being a single mum with a small child? I've seen friends struggle to work because they didn't want to be on benefits - but it's easier not to, especially when you don't drive to get kids to nursery and pick them up again.
You are very bad at getting your point across - you do have one, but it's buried in the snobbish tone of your post, sorry.

sandcastles · 17/05/2009 10:25

Oh and as others have said, if you have genuine concerns about the noise, contact her landlord/environmental health about this.

If you are that worried about the welfare of the child while she is like this, do the right thing by the child, stop bitching and do something constructive! Contact social services.

Or are you one of these who don't want to get involved?

MrsMattie · 17/05/2009 10:25

Getting wasted while in charge of children and keeping everyone on your street awake - not on. The rest? None of your business!

poshsinglemum · 17/05/2009 10:38

UANBU that you think she shouldn't be drunk etc with her child. That's out of order.

URBVU to think that being a single mum on benefits has anything to do with it. Quite that you mentioned it tbh.

The tone of your op suggests that you have an issue with single mums. I'm single and on benefits but hardly ever drink because I want to look after dd and have no money for booze etc. To stereotype us is quite insulting imo.