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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go into work (again) ?? dh thinks AIBU

117 replies

mosschops30 · 10/05/2009 19:11

My father has been in a coma now for 2 weeks after attempting suicide.
All treatment was withdrawn on Tuesday, they dont think he will carry on much longer and my mum says tonight he seems much worse, they have increased his morphine to keep him comfortable.

I have had 2 weeks off so far, one week compassionate leave and last week I took as sick, my doctor has said she will sign me off for as long as I need.

dh thinks I should be going back to work tomorrow but I just cant face it. I cant go in and be jolly and reassuring to people (which is a major part of my job) whilst all the time waiting for 'that' phonecall.

WWYD?? I do feel bad, although no one is needed to replace me as I am still a trainee, but my boss has been so supportive that I feel I should go in.

OP posts:

bellavita · 12/05/2009 15:21

Well, if you go now, you are going to hit all the rush hour traffic aren't you..

Why not leave it till tomorrow morning (assuming you don't get any phonecalls in the meantime) and decide on a plan of action then?

I think your mum is going to need you more when everything is over and there is lots of stuff to sort out.

Tortington · 12/05/2009 15:26

i think you need to have a week just being with mum.

can your dh take time off?

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 12/05/2009 15:44

Oh mosschops I am so sorry for you
You do what you feel is right for you.
your dc have their dad and he will have to manage you have to look after you right now and If that means being with your mom or staying at home you do waht is best for you.
take care and I will be thinking of you.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 12/05/2009 15:52

dh cannot take time off, he will of course be there for the funeral but is not in a position to take a week off or anything.
He has already told me to not worry about the dc's and that he will manage everything here when I need to go.

My mum has left the hospital now for a while, shes gone to have dinner with my auntie as the Sister told her she needed to go and eat as it could go on like this for 2 hours or 22 hours and that she needed to look after herself.
Yes, no point in leaving now as the M1 would not be fun and would probably take me double the usual 2.5hours.

I think I will probably wait until its over then make my way up there, in not such a rush if that makes sense.

OP posts:

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 12/05/2009 16:01

I think you are wise to wait til 'after'
It will be a tramuatic journey to amke but I think it would be even more so if you felt like you were having to 'rush' there and then being stuck in traffic-not good for you or your baby.

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 12/05/2009 16:05

I meant make.
I hope you manage to get some rest and as i said before I am sorry about your dad and hope that with time you and your mom can find ways of coming to terms with it all.

foxinsocks · 12/05/2009 16:11

so sorry you are going through this mosschops

your dh just sounds like he was trying to be strong rather than upset you iyswim

am pleased you've been signed off for a bit and can at least concentrate on one thing at a time

seriouscase · 12/05/2009 16:12

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Could your DH not drive you there tonight if you could get a friend to have your DC overnight? Just a thought, you will know what to do for the best.
I have been in similar shoes and know what it is like waiting for the phone to ring. So sorry.

FabulousBakerGirl · 12/05/2009 16:16

mosschop I am making a pigs ear of it with my kdis but was a pretty good nanny if you need any hekp with childcare.

Go when you feel it is best.

Would you feel worse if you weren't to see your dad one more time? How will you feel about your mum being there on her own?

Thinking about those questions might help you decide what to do for the best.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Original poster

mosschops30 · 12/05/2009 16:19

thanks , dh could drive me but I dont think it would achieve anything. I need to be able to drive whilst I am there, and it would mean him doing a 6 hour round trip tonight which after being up since 6am is not good for him either.
I just need to be here with my family for now and when the time comes, I will take a slow drive up there and do whatever I can.

OP posts:

Original poster

mosschops30 · 12/05/2009 16:22

oh FBG, I do wish you'd stop making me cry by being so nice
My childminder has already said that I can drop the dc's over anytime day or night and she will sort everything out, but my in laws are close by too (as long as theyre not playing golf )
dh will manage without me, everyone will eat corned beef with beans, toast with beans, jacket pot with beans etc etc whilst I am gone!

OP posts:

MummyDragon · 12/05/2009 16:29

Hi Mosschops, I don't know you but just wanted to say how sorry I am for the situation that you're in, and that I'm thinking about you lots. I've lost both my parents in the past few years, and it sucks. Big hugs. x

FabulousBakerGirl · 12/05/2009 16:48

Sorry

FabulousBakerGirl · 13/05/2009 08:05

mosschops How are you today?

Original poster

mosschops30 · 13/05/2009 10:36

Hi, Im ok I suppose. Had another rough night, full of dreams about all sorts of stuff, Im still waking up feeling like I havent actually slept.
No change at the hospital, I just want it to be over, I know that might sound awful but I know he wouldnt want it to be like this, and he certainly wouldnt want to be putting mum through all this trauma

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 13/05/2009 13:21

It doesn't sound awful. My Nana felt the same when given 3-12 months to live. She had had enough and went after 2 1/2 months.

Can you have an afternoon nap?

MummyDragon · 13/05/2009 13:24

Woke up thinking about you this morning mosschops. So sorry this is still ongoing for you all. Argh, I hope that didn't sound tactless - wasn't meant to ... Hope you're hanging in there.

Jux · 14/05/2009 12:15

Beans are good for you and they can all have farting competitions.

I think you should go up there, it's where your mind is so you might as well take your body there too.

Huge sympathy.

ajandjjmum · 14/05/2009 12:34

Really feel for you mosschops. Remember wishing it would be over with Dad, and at the same time feeling really guilty about wishing it.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 14/05/2009 13:46

He passed away at lunchtime
Me and mum both feel the same, devastated yet almost breathing a sigh of relief IYKWIM

I am much better at being practical than being emotional, I have already phoned, the hospital, the undertaker (who lives next door) and family solicitor. Does that make me weird??

Im sure I'll have a good cry at some point but right now, I am taking my Next delivery upstairs to let ds try on his new holiday trainers

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 14/05/2009 13:47

I am so sorry for your loss but understand the feeling of being able to breathe a bit better now it is all over.

Whatever you do is the right thing to do.

I hope your DS loves his trainers.

Take care lovie.

So sorry.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 14/05/2009 13:50

I have asked dh to phone my boss to let him know I wont be in next week (is that bad?) I just couldnt face talking to someone I knew about it. I have spoken to him twice a week since this has happened so not like I havent kept in touch myself.

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 14/05/2009 13:51

Stop worrying.

It isn't bad. Of course your Dh should phone in for you.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 14/05/2009 13:51

dear god I am insane still thinking about work even now

Thanks FBG, I cant tell you what a comfort its been to come on here and see your posts, just asking how I am.
Thanks to everyone who has been lovely, MN really does excel in times of crisis, youve been like my extra supportive family a million thank yous xxx

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 14/05/2009 13:52

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