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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to allow my son to serve anymore detentions?

109 replies

CrazyNites · 06/05/2009 12:34

My son is in year 8 at secondary school. He has always been a good kid at school, gets on with his work, tries hard, never been in trouble or anything.

But in his class are a set of kids who just cause havok basically. They shout out, mess around, cheek the teacher, throw stuff ...

Well the teacher has gotten into the habit of giving the entire class a detention whenever they play up.

When it first happened, DS was devestated because like I said, he's never been in trouble before. I told him it was probably a one off to shock the ones misbehaving.

Then it happened again a few days later. I spoke to the teacher who confirmed that DS is never involved in the bad behaviour but her new policy is to punish the entire class to stop the other kids supporting the ones messing around by laughing etc. I still wasn't happy and told her so.

Anyway in the past 2 weeks it has happened a further 3 times and I'm just not having it. DS has sports clubs after school and these constant detentions, aside from being extremely irritating when he's done nothing wrong, are leaving us with little time for tea before his clubs.

He's saying he wants to move school so that he doesn't get detentions all the time. AIBU to write a letter to his teacher saying that I will be picking him up at 3.15 everyday on the dot and will not tolerate anymore detentions unless he was specifically involved?

OP posts:
girlandboy · 06/05/2009 12:36

YANBU

Sounds like a letter is in order to the head. Apart from anything else, the "punishment" of detention is clearly not working!

morningpaper · 06/05/2009 12:38

blimey, it is normal for detentions to be after school? In my day it was always lunchtime. After school is a bit mad imo.

booyhoo · 06/05/2009 12:39

i think the teacher needs to sddress the issue with these childrens parents rather than continually tar all the kids with same brush. once o shock them i would accept but i think its got out of hand and clearly isnt affecting the behaviour of the offenders. does the head know about this?

Lulumama · 06/05/2009 12:39

YANBU

there is nothing more demotivating to the well behaved children.. they might as well play up if they are going to get punished anyway!

and if it has happnened a further 3 times, her strategy is not working, so a letter raising your concerns is in order

your son must be really frustrated by it all

pinkstarfish · 06/05/2009 12:39

No YANBU.

I really feel for the poor little mite I would contact the head. The teacher sounds like a lazy arse who seems to think a general detention works (obviously not!)

Sassybeast · 06/05/2009 12:39

It sounds like the teacher is not coping at all - I'd be tempted to speak to the head and see what she knows/thinks of the situation.

booyhoo · 06/05/2009 12:39

of course i meant ADDRESS

timmette · 06/05/2009 12:40

YANBU - send a letter or have a meeting - could be very demoralising for your ds.

Gorionine · 06/05/2009 12:40

My Dcs are not in Secondary school yet, but I do not think YANBU.

IMO as a one off well not much you can do about it. If it is more than once a week and he has done nothing I would complain.

I know thet the massage it is supposed to send is "bad ones if you have a conscience just own u!" but the only message that they will actually get will be "Wether we behave or not makes no difference!" and when they will be tired enought of it, they will start misbehaving as well because the result will be juste the same.

travellingwilbury · 06/05/2009 12:41

We used to have detention after school as well , and although the teacher often threatened to keep the whole class back because of only a couple of trouble makers it never happened . It does sound like a good idea to try in principal but it doesn't sound like it's working . I would speak to the teacher and if that doesn't work then an appointment with the head is in order .

Gorionine · 06/05/2009 12:42

typos!

nickschick · 06/05/2009 12:42

YANBU- I can appreciate a group detention as a 1 off but after 3 or more clearly its not working and now the individuals need to be punished.

Overmydeadbody · 06/05/2009 12:43

YANBU

I'd be inclined to just go to the school at pick up time and take your DS home, regardless of detentions. If he hasn't done anything wrong he shouldn't be being punished.

Speak to the head about it too. Just explain politely that your DS will not be serving detentionas unless he is actually in trouble.

kittywise · 06/05/2009 12:44

yanbu, I would go mad, poor kid, what a crap policy

Disenchanted3 · 06/05/2009 12:44

YANBU, I would have refused after the first time.

MmeLindt · 06/05/2009 12:49

YANBU

Write a letter to teacher with a copy to the headteacher.

If he is directly involved then he gets a detention but collective punishment is not acceptable.

gagamama · 06/05/2009 12:50

I was in one of those classes at school too and had exactly the same thing. The naughty ones don't care about detentions anyway, I bet they don't even turn up.

YANBU at all. Do you get a slip you have to sign to allow him to be kept behind? I think they need your permission to detain him so I assume you are perfectly entitled to refuse.

Hassled · 06/05/2009 12:50

I would talk to the Head/Head of Year before you approach the teacher. It should really be dealt with by the line management - and while the teacher could well ignore you, he/she can't ignore them.

Apart from anything else, it devalues the punishment for the kids involved - somehow makes it seem less harsh if everyone is kept in. It just becomes an extension of school if they're all kept in together, rather than a singling out while everyone else scoots off home.

LissyGlitter · 06/05/2009 12:50

I used to quite like getting detention, it was a chance to sit and read quietly or do some extra studying while all the bullies could go home, and I had an easy walk home. I actually had the school record for the most detentions as well as a lot of the prizes for being the best student in a lot of subjects! Detentions aren't a big deal IMO, I was actually undiagnosed as dyslexic and dyspraxic and all my detentions were for things like writing untidily or forgetting stuff. Detentions never did me any harm, i used to love it when a teacher would try and give me a detention and i would get my diary out and tell them when I could "fit them in!"

I suppose they wouldn't have been so good if they were whole class detentions, as the plebs (I was a right snob at school) would have been there too.

Anyway, stand up to the teacher, but only if your child is one of the ones who would find it funny to see someone standing up to a stupid teacher and not one of the ones who would find it embarrasing. I remember once my mumj wrote a letter to the physics teacher complaining about some unfair detentions, and he actually came over, put his arm round me in front of the entire class and said he was stricter with me because he thought I could go far, I could even be a physics teacher like him one day! MOST EMBARRASING THING EVER! I'm sure he knew what he was doing!

nickschick · 06/05/2009 12:50

overmydeadbody- thats what dh does .....

Bonneville · 06/05/2009 12:51

YANBU This stinks.

ninedragons · 06/05/2009 12:53

YANBU. Remind the head that collective punishment is illegal under the Geneva Convention

Gorionine · 06/05/2009 12:58

I tought you were jocking ninedragons!

ninedragons is NOT jocking!

snice · 06/05/2009 13:00

I had a similar issue to this and objected (whole class getting lines in KS1). I asked the teacher where was the incentive to behave well if you were going to get punished anyway and she backed down and agreed not to do whole class punishments again.

DandyLioness · 06/05/2009 13:01

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