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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that schools might anticipate that some parents might actually have a life ?

87 replies

rookiemater · 01/05/2009 13:08

I have just been notified about DSs preschool place, so far so good. However the rest of it has riled me terribly.

I received the letter today 1st of May. It states " We would appreciate it if you could let us know if you wish to take this place as soon as possible. If we have not heard from you by Friday 8th May we will offer the place to another child"

Is it just me or is that ridiculous that you have one week to get back or your child loses their place. What happens if you are on holiday ?

Then the next bit " We will be holding an Open day on Friday 12th June 9.45 am - 10.45am. On this morning staff will inform you of your child's start date."

Normally I would be working, but we actually happen to be away that week so cannot physically be there. No other alternatives are offered or what to do if unable to be there, which I'm sure I can't be the only one.

Now granted I'm a bit wound up by other things at the minute, but if this is the shape of things to come then I'm not looking forward to it. Is it just me or is this all a bit like I should be sitting there waiting for this and free to respond and attend at the drop of a hat ?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 01/05/2009 13:11

Well, I understand your irritation but presumably there is pressure for places so they need to reallocate them quickly if places are not taken up.
The open morning is rather useless for many I would imagine, but presumably if you phone them they will tell you the start date?

Original poster
rookiemater · 01/05/2009 13:14

I'm sure when I ring them up they will be emminently reasonable about it.

It's just the way its written has made me irritated. I feel like I have so many demands on my time at the minute and am just about coping and am worried that once DS starts preschool and school it will mean even more juggling.

OP posts:
WorkInProgress · 01/05/2009 13:16

Welcome to the next 10 years ! Schools do seem to think you are sitting at home waiting to make x y or z out of a b or c at a moments notice, and that closing for the morning/afternoon (preschools) or inset days doesn't affect you in the least, or that its prefectly easy to come in at 10.45 am on a wednesday !

I'm sure if you phone the school they will see you outside the open day. You are not bu but it's just the way schools are.

Original poster
rookiemater · 01/05/2009 13:18

Thanks nicky and WIP

CAN EVERYONE JUST IGNORE THIS I'M A BIT TOO FRAGILE FOR AIBU AND SHOULDN'T HAVE POSTED

thanks

OP posts:
lal123 · 01/05/2009 13:18

yup - take this as a sign of things to come. Its when you get a note home on Wednesday to say that its fancy dress on Friday and your child has to come dressed as someone from a DC Thompson comic that you should get riled.

seeker · 01/05/2009 13:19

I'm really sorry - but this is one of those posts that make me want to shout "WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN??!!!" Of course having a child means more juggling!

BradfordMum · 01/05/2009 13:21

Once children start school, your life has to revolve round that!
If you don't like it, home school!
Also don't book holidays in term time or you WILL be sent to detention!

seeker · 01/05/2009 13:28

Not sure how home schooling would help!

mulranno · 01/05/2009 13:29

I hate the projects/complicated resources that are imposed...not juts the child/parents but the whole family...ie no we cant clear off to the beach today and bond as a family as we see fit...as we have been forced to source/make a centurians costume for Monday...The worst was my daughter (6) doing a project which happens at home every weekend..and at school every fri...materials/resources supplied by parents...so we spend weekend running about so that the teacher gets time off during the week as the children are beavering away on stuff supplied by their parents

MillyR · 01/05/2009 13:39

Yes, it is always like this! We were told to make circus costumes for comic relief a couple of days before the event. Surely the school know the date of comic relief months in advance and could have told us about the costumes and/or put it on the website months ago. It just always seems very last minute and disorganised. I don't know if they don't plan early enough or just don't think to inform the parents.

A classroom assistant mentioned to me in passing that she was rearranging something so she could go to the leavers' meal. My DS is a leaver and we still haven't been told the date and it is in the evening so DS may be busy.

So yes, they presume that both children and parents have no life other than school.

Original poster
rookiemater · 01/05/2009 14:21

Hi can't stay away.

I know I have been spoiled up to now. DS goes to an excellent CM and I have back up arrangements in place and its all just about working fine. And yes I was aware that having a child involved juggling, I just thought that those involved in the schooling system might do one the courtesy or acknowledging the juggling and perhaps go some way along the way to help by suggesting alternatives i.e. We do prefer it if you can attend our open session as an opportunity to meet the staff and other children. If you are unable to attend the open day please ring on xxx xxxx to arrange another meeting.

In my defense I'm on hormonal injections at the minute and its upset my probably already rather fragile equilibrium, so I shouldn't have posted in AIBU so please be as gentle as you can.

OP posts:
ChippyMinton · 01/05/2009 14:31

Imagine the chaos if every parent wanted individual arrangements to suit themselves, rather than the school. This way, only those that genuinely need an alternative time (because of holiday or whatever) will ask.

OrmIrian · 01/05/2009 14:35

rookie - you have my sympathy! Like you I went from a wonderful CM to primary school with my first. And it's a real shock to the system. But you have to roll with the punches I'm afraid School makes it much harder. But you get used to it.

WorkInProgress · 01/05/2009 14:39

Hi Rookie.
Hope you're Ok.
The plus side of juggling the school thing is that you take it far less seriously which I think is better all round. I'd far rather be the stressed mum rushing to things, missing the odd one, and throwing things together ( easter bonnet in 2 mins, no prob) than becoming competetive mum! Schools do understand; lots of teachers are in the same boat as are most parents. Don't let it get you down.

PrimulaVeris · 01/05/2009 14:44

I know how you feel - another one here who went from FT childminder to the chaos of nursery/school. I could easily have written your post a few years ago.

I'm sure they'll have had this before so don't worry. Re the open day and other 'please attend' events - you'll get the feel after a which ones are important and which can be missed. You can ask them if they have a list of dates - but don't stress. This is only preschool, not 'big school'. Give them a call when you feel a little less hormonal and I'm sure all will be fine

myredcardigan · 01/05/2009 14:49

Of course it's a shock. I hope nobody is too hard on you!

Wait to first 3wks in Reception. 1st wk mornings only, 2nd wk afternoons only, 3rd wk mixture of half days and full days. Working parents' nightmare.

minxofmancunia · 01/05/2009 15:03

It's schools generally I'm afraid, my dd isn't in school but working in CAMHS I do a lot of liaising with schools. I work 3 days and do and MSc 1 day a week with 1 day with dd.

I get letters/phone messages all the time asking me to attend meetings the next week or even before. And then they get the hump when I say I already have stuff booked in in my diary OR it's my day off etc.

Thye do seem to stick to a v rigid timetable, and accuse you of not being in contact etc. when you've tried phoning umpteen times but just not at that precuse moment when they're in the staff room .

One school I liaise with, a very busy secondary IS flexible they arrange meeting for when CAMHS practitioners can be there. IT IS possible, it's all about attitude (this is one of the biggest secondarys in M/CR).

bigchris · 01/05/2009 15:06

is it a preschool place that is for 2 and a half hours a day which is free?
if so then I don't think it's unreasonable for them to assume that your a sahp
our preschool does have working mothers but their childminders drop off and pick up

bigchris · 01/05/2009 15:07

ohyes myredcardigan, I'm with you there! with my 2nd dc I'm planning on making sure that I leave sufficent leave this tike round to cope with the 1st 3 weeks of term, with ds it was a nightmare!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 01/05/2009 15:10

ROFL at OP suddenly having horrible realisation of what they've done!

Rookie i hope you feel better, everything will be just fine, trust me

cory · 01/05/2009 15:18

Dd's school got ever so huffy when her GP (doctor) couldn't come in and attend a meeting with a few days' notice.

It didn't seem to occur to them that running a practice, he might actually be booked up for quite a long time in advance.

Instead, they hinted that he clearly didn't take dd's problems very seriously if he couldn't even bother to turn up. I nearly wet myself.

MollieO · 01/05/2009 15:27

I assume they don't offer an alternative as they would prefer if possible for all the new parents to attend at the same time. I am sure they would accommodate an alternative for you once you've explained you will be away.

I presume you actually put ds's name down for a preschool place and if so would have known the approximate time frame for allocation of spaces. Again if that causes you problems then speak to them and see what they suggest.

Ds went from a FT CM to reception class where he is one of the youngest, plus school wraparound care. He absolutely loves it. I have, however, cut my hours by half a day over a five day week to ensure I can do the wraparound care times (which are shorter than the CM did). The benefit is ds doesn't have such a long day (I used to drop off at 7am and collect at 6.30pm).

I am old to be a first time mum but all my friends with older children warned me that school years are harder than pre-school years in terms of commitment/homework/juggling etc.

redskyatnight · 01/05/2009 15:31

If you ring the school they will sort out another time for you to come in. We were away for DS's starting school parents' meeting AND his induction session in school (cunningly both in the same week) and the school bent over backwards to accomodate us.

As others have said they are not going to encourage you to seek an alternative as it's easier for them if everyone comes in at the same time.

mumzy · 01/05/2009 20:48

wait till they want you to make a dish honoring your ethnic origins as a contribution to the world food table with 24 hours notice. I gave that one short shrift!! I can tell you"!

TheFallenMadonna · 01/05/2009 20:51

My dc's school are pretty good about things like that. They do evening as well as after school sessions, and have a creche. I work FT with no flexibility (also a teacher, in another town) and have never really had any problems.