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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that schools might anticipate that some parents might actually have a life ?

87 replies

rookiemater · 01/05/2009 13:08

I have just been notified about DSs preschool place, so far so good. However the rest of it has riled me terribly.

I received the letter today 1st of May. It states " We would appreciate it if you could let us know if you wish to take this place as soon as possible. If we have not heard from you by Friday 8th May we will offer the place to another child"

Is it just me or is that ridiculous that you have one week to get back or your child loses their place. What happens if you are on holiday ?

Then the next bit " We will be holding an Open day on Friday 12th June 9.45 am - 10.45am. On this morning staff will inform you of your child's start date."

Normally I would be working, but we actually happen to be away that week so cannot physically be there. No other alternatives are offered or what to do if unable to be there, which I'm sure I can't be the only one.

Now granted I'm a bit wound up by other things at the minute, but if this is the shape of things to come then I'm not looking forward to it. Is it just me or is this all a bit like I should be sitting there waiting for this and free to respond and attend at the drop of a hat ?

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 02/05/2009 10:44

YANBU - I was insensed when I was told I had to report my son's reading in his homework book every night. I thought I'd finished my schooling years ago but now I'm being told to report to a teacher every day! I nearly started a riot on that one...

LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/05/2009 11:00

Ooooooh yes. This is entirely normal.

Our school believe in informing parents by osmosis and telepathy and then being very stern with you when you point out that you work fulltime and didn't pick up the brainwaves on the ether.

And god forbid your child is off ill for a day: THAT will be the day they send out the note informing everyone of the fact they're moving to outer Mongolia and anyone who doesn't turn up in Horseriding Sheep Herder costume with a tray of home-baked cornflake cakes that day will have to be drowned.

Yurtgirl · 02/05/2009 11:05

Shape of things to come Im afraid rookie

Dds school gave us 12 hours notice that she would be going on a BIG outing, coach trip etc the following day when she was only just 4

I was appalled at their lack of planning - she didnt go (we go to there often anyway)

ssd · 02/05/2009 11:13

yes, schools think we have all day to attend things that only take 1/2 an hour but are in the middle of the day

or attend things at a days notice

etc etc

I guess all schools are like this, it drives you nuts

ssd · 02/05/2009 11:14

or they expect a 5 yr old to remember to tell the parents all the details of a trip/visit/show etc. without sending them out a letter

seeker · 02/05/2009 11:19

"ANBU - I was insensed when I was told I had to report my son's reading in his homework book every night. I thought I'd finished my schooling years ago but now I'm being told to report to a teacher every day! I nearly started a riot on that one..."

You ARE joking with this post, aren't you? Please tell me you are!

It gets worse in Secondary school - they rely on the children to remember stuff - so you get a text saying "Forgot to tell you the school's moved to Mongolia - could you pick me, Emily, Megan, Sarah and Millie up from the Primark in Ulan Bator in half an hour?"

Fairynufff · 02/05/2009 11:22

seeker - why would I be joking? I eventually capitulated anyway being the rule-following non-subversive I am...

FAQinglovely · 02/05/2009 11:28

I think they don't actually offer an alternative time otherwise every tom, dick and harry (or their wives ) who couldn't be arsed to be there on the day/time set aside would be ringing up asking for other arrangements.

Doing it this way it means that only those who genuinely can't make it (and are actually interested in their child's education blah blah blah) will more than likely contact them anyhow and make other arrangements.

I'm am also at the post about the reading record book!

ssd · 02/05/2009 11:51

fairynuff, you sign the reading report to let the teacher know your son has read to you, thats all!

jesus, if this insenses you, wait till the real homework kicks in!!

I take it your ds is about 5 or 6?

ABetaDad · 02/05/2009 12:02

So much of what people have said on here we have been through. We find it annoying too.

However, it went too far at DSs previous prep when we got asked to make some ridiculous costume in 24 hours and we just went to the teacher and said no because we are too busy.

They did it for us.

I do think this is a modern phenomenon - it never happened when I was at primary school. I think my parents got about 2 requests for sponsorship money or costume or whatever in the whole year.

Now we get at least one request a week. Sometimes I wonder why I pay for Prep school, we seem to do all the work and the terms are shorter than state primary as well.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/05/2009 12:18

To be fair to our (primary) school, they do at least rely on notes and mostly it is DS who is the faulty link in the chain.

We find many many educational opportunities are missed, enriching, life enhancing extra-curricular activities bypassed and, erm, music lessons unpaid for because he operates a standard policy of 'shove note in tray underneath a pencil-shaving studded pile of random football cards until parents are forced to empty it at end of term'.

I do wish the teachers would march them to the hall and force them to put the notes in their bags.

TheLadyofShalott · 02/05/2009 12:35

Yes, some schools are bad at communication, but so are many parents - if you inform parents of events well in advance, they complain that they can't be expected to remember, if you inform them closer to the event they complain of short notice and if you do both they complain that you're wasting money or that you're patronising them (I've seen that one on MN before)

You can tell parents about an event in 6 successive newsletters and they still won't remember, probably because they don't bother to read them ("Oh, I threw it away because I thought it was from the PTA")

Our regular fortnightly newsletter now has a list of all the letters that have gone out during that fortnight so parents can check if they've missed one - if they read the regular newsletter of course - often they don't get further than the floor of the car.

You can write a letter telling parents a club will run every Tuesday from June 2nd to July 21st and still get a phone call on July 21st asking if it's on.

We now use parentmail, which sends texts and/or emails to parents, but we still get parents claiming they haven't been told something, when we have a read-receipt from them for the email on our system.....

LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/05/2009 12:50

FAir points LofS. I guess I tend to take notes that come home with specific info on them more seriously than the newsletter in which really crucial info is mixed in with 'Well done class 3 for a super assembly this week' etc..

I would love to see an online school calendar on the website (regularly updated), where I can check for myself, and I would be delighted if our school used an email alert system. I use the web and email for almost every other source of diary information and not sure why the school has to be so paper-focused: it would save them lots of time and money in photocopying too.

TheLadyofShalott · 02/05/2009 13:02

Why not suggest it to your school? - it would really save them a lot of work - we have over 80% of our parents on it now, so we only have to send out about 40 paper newsletters instead of 200+

We can send emails or texts, or both to all parents or to groups or combinations of groups - so we could send a message to all year 6, or to the choir, or to year 6 members of the choir, so it's very flexible. Parents can log on and change their own details if they need to - even temporarily if they need a grandparent to get the message while they are away.

It was really useful during the snow, because it's web based & the secretary sent out a text from home at 6.30 to say the school was shut. We had a lot more parents join after that because they saw the benefits.

dilemma456 · 02/05/2009 13:03

Message withdrawn

Fairynufff · 02/05/2009 18:37

Signing the 'reading record' book everyday is a small thing I admit, but I have a thousand and one school-related tasks to keep in my head everyday and that doesn't include all the rest of the domestic junk associated with a job, a house and three kids....(takes deep breath)...it was a bit like the straw that broke the camel's back. The thought of knowing I still had 'work' to do after putting the kids to bed (which is when they tend to read the books) just filled me with complete rage. (I know - totally irrational
but I was joining in with the spirit of the OP).

Nighbynight · 02/05/2009 19:38

Yes, it is a taste of things to come, but I put my foot down and have made it clear that I can't do things like turn up in the middle of the day at the drop of a hat (or ever, actually - it means missing a whole day of work, because I work 50 km away).

One week to accept or reject is really not a lot. As you say, you could be on holiday. I sometimes empty our post box only once a week.

hatesponge · 02/05/2009 19:51

YANBU.

But unfortunately a lot of schools are like this. My DC go to a school where there has never been one single meeting that has taken place after 4pm - they are either mid-afternoon or straight after school, so I have never been to any of them (as I'm always at work and have little enough holiday as it is).

Parents evenings are a joy as well, when the latest appts are at 6, and you dont finish work til 5.30. Oh and the Xmas plays etc that take place at 11.30 in the morning.

Am hoping for more sensible timings when Ds1 starts secondary school in September but I'm not optimistic!

Starbear · 02/05/2009 20:02

mumzy You could have sent in a fruitshoot, turkey twizzers and spaghetti hoops. I think I'll do that when the day comes

tclanger · 03/05/2009 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorrento · 03/05/2009 17:38

This is your life now until they 16 potentially 18 and any suggestion that you don't fancy dedicating your sole existence to the PTA, school fete, book day, is met with a "she's a crap mother" look I've found, so I let them know I agree from day one and ducked under the radar.

gingernutlover · 03/05/2009 18:33

wow, you lot really don't like schools do you.

They have given you a weeks notice because if they gave everyone 2 weeks then there would still be people who return the form late.

you write in the reading record so the teacher knows how reading at home is going and whether to change the childs reading book

meetings etc are planned for during the daybecause thats when the school is open, Teachers have lives too you know, if they planned everything for 7.30 at night then people probably still wouldnt turn up but the teachers etc would have very very very long days - no time off in leu for attending parents evening that go on for 5 hours after school finishes you know!

sorry for the outburst but it really really pee's me off that people are so rude about schools and about people who work in them. Their job is to teach your children - not to make your lives easier! If you ask politely I would say 90% of schools would offer a compromise 90% of the time.

gingernutlover · 03/05/2009 18:38

oh and to rookiemater, you are not being unreasonable if they are only giving you that 1 choice of time to find out the start date, but I'm sure if you give them a ring they will arrangeanother time or tell you over the phone.

loobeylou · 03/05/2009 18:42

agree with gingernut

gingernutlover · 03/05/2009 18:43

LOL loubylou, are we both teachers!?!?!