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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask parents to go into the pool with their kids at DS's swimming party.

131 replies

notsosuremummy · 30/04/2009 23:48

DS is going to be 5 and started school in January. For the last 6 months, all he's wanted for his Birthday is a swimming party so we've booked out a pool and a room for a set fee. We went to a 3rd Birthday party in the same pool last year and all enjoyed going in the water.

When we got the confirmation, the rules stated that one adult is required for every 2 children over 8. We want to make the most of having the pool and invite 30 kids, half of those being his new friends from school but there's no way we can do that unless at least some of the parents go in the water with their kids.

I'm just about to write the invitations and it's only just occurred to me that I would be very happy to go in the water at a swimming party but others may not.

Is it rude to ask them? How would I phrase it?

OP posts:
Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 14:48

Hmmmm. I'm listening very carefully to the wisdom of those who've done this before me. Am definately cutting it down a bit. Like you all say though, if the drop out rate is so high for swimming parties, then there won't be 30 there. Think I'll invite 20 odd and then that should drop to about 15, perhaps. It's just so sad to ask DS to cut people out. I hate all this party invites given out in class thing. You can imagine the little faces of those who don't get one. I'm going to see if the teacher can discretely put them in book bags.

Thanks everyone. This is so interesting. I'm very surprised this thread has got so many replies. I was expecting one or two, 10 if I were lucky!

OP posts:
Jaypickle · 01/05/2009 14:50

I agree, that post was agressive. I manage to leave the house without therapy quite easily, but I generally wear clothes that don't announce to the world that I have ugly varicose veins at age 28, or a congenital deformity of my foot. Or, to be be more vein, a rather unattractive bottom!

Its just one of a hundred reasons that I wouldn't want to touch a pool party with a barge pole!

Jaypickle · 01/05/2009 14:51

Vain even, d'oh!

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2009 15:03

Actually, that's a good point. I can't swim so a fat lot of good I'd be anyway.

ladyjuliafish · 01/05/2009 15:10

I would give the invites out to the parents at the school gate and ask them at the time if they would be able to go in the water too. That way they can not tell their dc about the party if they don't want to take them. There are loads of reasons why people won't want to get in. I wouldn't be up for it because I'm not ready to wax yet after c/s, being in water makes by boobs leak, I have 2 other dcs to look after (I usually drop and run at parties they are all invited). I wouldn't be thrilled about changing in front of people I am not close to but see every day but I would do it if I didn't have all the other ishoos.

Sassybeast · 01/05/2009 15:30

To the OP - you'll be surprised at how resilient kids are to not getting party invites if you help them to understand why. By inviting the whole class, you sort of inadvertantly let your little one think that he'll be invited to everyone elses party and you can be sure that there will be lots of people who don't do full class parties or if birthdays fall during the holidays, no school/nursey related parties at all. To be honest (I have 3 kids) the best parties are the smaller ones - otherwise it just ends up being a huge noise fest with the birthday chilld being a bit overwhelmed at times. Worth thinking about - even my smallest knows that she's got to chose her 'bestest' friends rather than all 26.

BrendaAndEddie · 01/05/2009 15:34

i HATE those parties

ffs have one at home, you will find no one comes.

happywomble · 01/05/2009 16:17

Your post is a bit rude Brendaandeddie...some people LIKE those parties.

Some children are quite lively and enjoy a party that involves physical activity of some sort. They would be bouncing off the walls at a party at home unless you are lucky with the weather and can have it outside.

When my DS had a swimming party we asked for one adult to come for every 2 children and only one child was unable to come, due to being away for the weekend.

I am horrified at the number of mothers turning their noses up at getting into a pool with their children.

I think pool parties are fine as long as there are enough adult helpers and not too many children..definitely less than 20.

PortBlacksandResident · 01/05/2009 16:19

"I am horrified at the number of mothers turning their noses up at getting into a pool with their children."

Horrified?

I take my DSs swimming twice a week - in a swimming pool and every thing. We also go in the sea alot on holiday. It's not the swimming it's THE BELLY!

PortBlacksandResident · 01/05/2009 16:25

And the rippling back fat as i move through the water........no one at school knows i have back fat - and nor shall they ever .

Ripeberry · 01/05/2009 16:29

You might find that only the dads will go in the pool. I went to a swimming party once and hardly any of the mums went in, it was all dads!
I went in and had great fun. I think some are a bit self conscious when its people they see everyday at the school gates.

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 01/05/2009 16:39

"And the rippling back fat as i move through the water"

Oh rofl rofl rofl.

Beautiful prose, Portblacks

happywomble · 01/05/2009 16:42

I am overweight but I just don't care what the other Mums think of me in a swimming costume. I really think people need to relax and feel more self confident!

DandyLioness · 01/05/2009 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 01/05/2009 16:46

The thought of havung to ponce about in a pool at a swimming party, looking like I was enjoying a group of kids squealing and splashing me, brings on a headache.

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 16:49

I can understand the self - conscious side of things. I'm certainly no oil painting. I have a wonky back, a huge scar the length of it and a very wobbly tummy but I love going swimming so I get over that one.

If it's dads that mostly go to these things, you can imagine at least some ogling goes on too .

Yeah that was a bit harsh and short brendaandeddie but I never post in AIBU without donning my hard hat first

OP posts:
Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 16:51

Dandylioness, at least it's not communal changing at this pool.

OP posts:
Jaypickle · 01/05/2009 17:42

"I am horrified at the number of mothers turning their noses up at getting into a pool with their children"

I'm horrified at people who don;t read others posts and get all judgemental about people without bothering to think about it.

Tinker · 01/05/2009 18:05

"looking like I was enjoying a group of kids squealing and splashing me" - agree that would pretty difficult. Plus, there's only 1 ft of water to hide in

katiestar · 01/05/2009 18:06

Also bear in mind these are 4 and 5 yr olds many of whom will still be at the stage where they say exactly what they think .
Why is 'Tarquin's mum so fat ?' at top of voice.

juneybean · 01/05/2009 18:11

What's the difference between taking your child swimming any other day to going when the pools been hired out?

Surely it's possible you'll bump into your childs friend at the pool any other day?

I would help out if my child had been invited

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 01/05/2009 21:42

Well I don't wax, and I have mild psoriasis - I still wouldn't give a flying fuck about being seen in my swimsuit by other people. I find it quite sad that people would be prepared to miss out on stuff because they think they are not perfect to look at (OK, different issue if you are allergic to chlorine or have mobility problems or whatever).
Mind you I am mildly shocked at able-bodied adults being unable to swim. It would worry me if I couldn't swim. I don't live on a rowing boat or anything, but the idea of being unable to swim if I fell into some water.. brrrr.

KayHarkerInTheBackOfTheQuattro · 01/05/2009 21:45

Well, I wouldn't be worried about being seen, because I'm utterly ravishing semi-nekkid, but I hate swimming with a passion unless it's sea swimming.

All that chlorine and the horrible echoey noise.

piscesmoon · 01/05/2009 21:59

I am surprised that people would want to send their young DCs into a pool with a lot of excited children and not know who is going to supervise them-much better to do it yourself.

islandofsodor · 01/05/2009 22:22

My dc have been to loads of pool parties at various local leisure centres and the invitations have always said that children must be accompanied in the pool by an adult.

It has never been a problem for anyone.