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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask parents to go into the pool with their kids at DS's swimming party.

131 replies

notsosuremummy · 30/04/2009 23:48

DS is going to be 5 and started school in January. For the last 6 months, all he's wanted for his Birthday is a swimming party so we've booked out a pool and a room for a set fee. We went to a 3rd Birthday party in the same pool last year and all enjoyed going in the water.

When we got the confirmation, the rules stated that one adult is required for every 2 children over 8. We want to make the most of having the pool and invite 30 kids, half of those being his new friends from school but there's no way we can do that unless at least some of the parents go in the water with their kids.

I'm just about to write the invitations and it's only just occurred to me that I would be very happy to go in the water at a swimming party but others may not.

Is it rude to ask them? How would I phrase it?

OP posts:
Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 00:19

Dandylioness, I can cope with a mild bit of secret cursing

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 01/05/2009 00:19

The childrens pool is less then 1ft deep so there's no need to swim.

Clary · 01/05/2009 00:20

you mean 1m surely fluffy

pipsqueak · 01/05/2009 00:21

would hate to do it but would reluctantly i suppose -

Clary · 01/05/2009 00:22

I have made that point to DH btw but he's still on no.

I think he would just feel nervous about not knowing what to do.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 01/05/2009 00:22

That I did Clary

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 00:22

Actually in places, this one is 1ft! It's a slow graduating one.

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 01/05/2009 00:23

They stand at the side and throw balls in, push the little ones about on the giant floats, make sure none of them go under, that's it really. Nothing to it!

Clary · 01/05/2009 00:24

Ah notsosure, a beach one!

Fluffy and I are talking about the same pool I suspect .

Are people unwilling to do this because of others seeing them in a swimmie?

I'm no oil painting but this has never bothered me tbh. Maybe I'm weird. Have been known to volunteer for pool party duty for DCs' friends!

Clary · 01/05/2009 00:25

Oh I know about that fluffy (the balls and floats etc) but I justmean DH was nervous about "what if sthg went wrong - I can't swim to them" etc.

Anyway it's academic as a) I have always taken them and b) they are all in the big pool now hurrah!

Tinker · 01/05/2009 00:26

Well, notsosure, being honest, I would feel pissed off that I was being put in the position of feeling awkward about the whole thing. So, and, if didn't have another adult who would offer to do it (some parents may be single parents after all; I was with my first child until she was 5/6) I would tell the child we had to do somethinmg else that day so she couldn't go. After all, most children can't go to every party they ever get invited to. But I don't think YABU at all in wanting to try an do it. I accept hating pools is my thing.

Clary - my eldest went to swimming lessons when she was old enough, swims like a fish and goes on her own with her friends. It's not held her back at all.

fortyplus · 01/05/2009 00:26

As you mostly seem to have very young children, can I say that they will all have swimming lessons as part of the National Curriculum when they are in year4. I used to help at my sons' school and always felt sorry for the ones who weren't familiar with water while their classmates were leaping in having a great time. So if you're a non swimmer yourself PLEASE try to get someone else to take your child so that they have the pleasure of learning to swim.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 01/05/2009 00:27

Possibly Clary. We've joined virgin (fab pool) so it has 3 different depths for the childrens pool.

I really don't mind, keep the towel on until I get in so no one can see my legs! The children won't be getting a party unless there are adults in the pool. I was repaid with a nice bottle of wine afterwards which was lovely (but not necessary).

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 00:30

Yeah Fortyplus. Someone was saying that at school the other day. They take ours in year 2 and someone was saying that those who haven't a bit of experience do struggle.

I appreciate the honest advice, Tinker.

OP posts:
Mulanmum1 · 01/05/2009 00:30

No way would I want other parents seeing me and my cellulite in a cozzie. DH would probably accompany DD but if he couldn't I would turn the invite down

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 00:38

Thanks for your opinions, everyone. Will defo be using a combination of Paisleyleaf and Clary's wording suggestions.

I'm off to bed.

Night.

OP posts:
roisin · 01/05/2009 07:00

I think you'll get the most positive response if you invite siblings too. For lots of families, this would be the difficulty.

Also, as you are requiring the presence of parents, please make sure you provide some food/drinks for adults afterwards too.

I love swimming with the kids, and am very unselfconscious, but I know not everyone is.

UKVeggieMum · 01/05/2009 07:10

I would automatically assume I would be going in the pool, I wouldn't let my 5 year old DD in the pool without a family member, close friend or a swimming instructor anyway.

I have enough cellulite and big enough thighs or two or three people but I wouln't let my DD miss out on a party, just get in and out of the water quickly.

I don't really understand why parents don't stay at parties generally with small children, but that said I only have the one DD so maybe I'd think differently if I had more?

littleducks · 01/05/2009 07:29

I would happily stay at a party if required, although i would say that at a swimming pool this may be more tricky with younger siblings, there is noway i would go in the water with dd, i would sit on the side but not go in (booked swimming lessons that allow this also)

I would be happiest if it was on the oinvite so i could decline easily

2rebecca · 01/05/2009 08:11

I think you put on the invitation that you need 1 adult for every 2 children so could their child have an accompanying adult in the water with them or could the parent make sure another parent going to the party is able to supervise their child. Some may decline but if your kid really wants a pool party then he'll probably be happier with fewer children at the venue of his choice than lots somewhere he doesn't want to go. The other option is just inviting a few children and dragging in family and friends to make up the adults. I'm surprised so many parents are bothered about being seen in their costumes but then I took my kids swimming alot at that age so being in my costume with other adults wasn't a big deal. Alot of the mums had seen me in my costume with the kids at the local pool/ swimming lessons anyway and I didn't care what the mums I didn't know very well thought of my appearance.

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 08:13

Roisin,

I was definately thinking I'd make some food for adults as well as kids and put it on the side for them to help themselves. Sandwiches, biscuits, doughnuts or creamcakes and some drink. Like you say, it's only fair if you are asking them to go in the pool. I always feel hungry after a swim.

Inviting siblings isn't an option, unfortunately. We're nearly up to the pool party limit. Although from what others say on here, there's likely to be some drop - outs!

OP posts:
bellavita · 01/05/2009 08:16

My children are a lot older now, but if they had been invited to a swimming party then I would have expected the organisers to provide enough cover for the children in the pool.

Actually, DS1 did go to a pool party but I think he may of been about 8yrs old but again, the parents doing the party had family helpers.

catwalker · 01/05/2009 08:25

Personally I think 30 kids is way too many for a 5 year old's party. I'd worry that the birthday child would be overwhelmed and not have time to play with most of their guests, and also that other parents would think I was showing off having such a big do. I do think it's unreasonable to ask parents to get in the pool - many will have issues as outlined above. Some of those who do it may feel resentful at being given what sound a bit like an ultimatum - join in or the party won't be able to go ahead. When we had a pool party we kept the numbers reasonable and roped in family/adult friends to get in the water - certainly wouldn't expect parents of the invitees to do it.

DandyLioness · 01/05/2009 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 01/05/2009 08:58

I am amazed at what utter wusses some of you are. You are GROWN WOMEN and you won't go in a swimming pool in case someone looks at you funny? How on earth do you manage to leave the house without therapy?