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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask parents to go into the pool with their kids at DS's swimming party.

131 replies

notsosuremummy · 30/04/2009 23:48

DS is going to be 5 and started school in January. For the last 6 months, all he's wanted for his Birthday is a swimming party so we've booked out a pool and a room for a set fee. We went to a 3rd Birthday party in the same pool last year and all enjoyed going in the water.

When we got the confirmation, the rules stated that one adult is required for every 2 children over 8. We want to make the most of having the pool and invite 30 kids, half of those being his new friends from school but there's no way we can do that unless at least some of the parents go in the water with their kids.

I'm just about to write the invitations and it's only just occurred to me that I would be very happy to go in the water at a swimming party but others may not.

Is it rude to ask them? How would I phrase it?

OP posts:

Tortington · 01/05/2009 09:05

i wouldn't go into a swimming pool with my peers becuase i have a very ugly body.

this is ok when on holiday becuase i won't see those people ever again

but i certaily couldnt do it with other parents from school that i will see again.

PortBlacksandResident · 01/05/2009 09:14

What Custardo said.

Not just that but i also look like a new born mole with no make up on.

DS2s friend had one of these recently and it was all dads that went in .

ruddynorah · 01/05/2009 09:18

i wouldn't like this. not because of being seen in a cossie. i just can't think of much worse than a pool full to the brim of 30 kids and at least 15 adults. i'd send dh with dd.

the low depth of water actually would make it a worse prospect for the body conscious. less water means less coverage. 1ft deep in places means what..knee coverage?!

Yurtgirl · 01/05/2009 09:20

Notsosure - My ds was invited to a pool party recently,

The birthday child was 7 - the invite stated "all non swimmers need an adult with them"
DS is a non swimmer so in I went. I was appalled at the prospect but it was fine

Other parents didnt (their children were 7 and were swimmers) - they had an advantage at getting changed time, as they were dressed whereas I was starkers. But it really didnt matter at all

Twas a great party - even though I forgot my knickers

happywomble · 01/05/2009 09:25

I had 16 6 yr olds to a swimming party and that was more than enough numberswise. It is a hassle to get enough parents to stay and if anyone turns up late you may end up having to wait around for the right number of adults. It is hard keeping track of all the children in the changing room.

Only do this party if you are very laid back!

Having said all the above the children really enjoyed themselves and were very well bbehaved at the tea as they were so exhausted!

If you go ahead I would cut the numbers right down and approach a few parents before giving out the invites to check they would be happy to stay. I found that more Dads came forward to help.

happywomble · 01/05/2009 09:27

yurtgirl

That was another thing. One girl forgot her knickers and so her mother had to be summoned to bring some. Worth taking a few spare clothes if you are organising a swimming party!

Yurtgirl · 01/05/2009 09:29

I had to go to the 'food bit' afterwards in slightly damp clothes, with wet hair and wearing jeans without knickers!

Pool party - yes
Never again without a full compliment of clothes

ruddynorah · 01/05/2009 09:31

god yes that would be a bit awful, the party afterwards with swimming face and hair. yuk.

Peachy · 01/05/2009 09:32

Pool parties quite popular at the boys school, parents have to go in (so Dh goes along).

the aprents who run them say you do get a low turnout as a result- less people willing to go in, but the parties are fun for those who do.

edam · 01/05/2009 09:39

National curriculum does mean schools take primary age children swimming, but the age varies from school to school - ds's take them in Year One.

He's only been to one pool party but the parents didn't ask for volunteers - they had friends and family with them. I couldn't go with ds anyway as I'd be embarrassed about my body and I can't swim. (Ds can though, was very keen to make sure he learnt before he realised that I can't.)

FimbleHobbs · 01/05/2009 09:53

I would go in the pool - assuming it was the right time of the month and that I had someone else to look after my younger child - I wouldn't mind being asked at all. I'd much rather have a party invitation which shows that the organiser has thought about safety, than one that doesn't iyswim.

jellybeans · 01/05/2009 10:05

There is NO WAY I would go in the pool, I would get DH to go but if he wouldn't I would turn down the invite. Much better to have swim parties for the swimmers aged 7 up when parents don't need to attend or can choose. So many people are self conscious in front of people they know whereas they may be fine on holidays etc

stinkymonkey · 01/05/2009 10:10

I have to say I have always been quite relieved not to have to stay at pool parties - I do not want to see School Run Dad's hairy belly. Not at all. Or get changed with vast legions of School Run Mums. No no no. It's a completely different thing to getting changed with strangers.

If this was my child I would go if he was keen, but would be thinking evils at the party mum.

Shitemum · 01/05/2009 10:15

I'd have a much smaller group and sound out the parents first to see how many would be willing to get in the water.

LadyMuck · 01/05/2009 10:23

What has been the score with birthday parties at your school so far? Do parents tend to stay automatically or have they mainly dropped and left? Would all the parents of children that you are inviting know you by sight?

Agree with roisin - I think that siblings will be the main issue - especially as this will also squeeze the ratio further.

Jaypickle · 01/05/2009 11:11

Fortyplus, we aren't all in England, so that doesn't apply to all of us.

OP, I think I would turn down the invite, TBH. Firstly I would be reluctant to be in togs with a load of people I didn't know, but I Might do it if I wasn't 6months pregnant. No way would OH do it, not in a million. But OH would prob be working and I'd have no-one to mind the toddler anyway......

But even if I might do it, that does sound like a lot of kids, and that would put me off as well. I wouldn't be happy being in charge of other peoples kids, the ones that didn't get in.

Actually thinking about it, I wouldn't be comfortable letting DS go if I wasn't with him, he can't swim and I wouldn't be happy at random people being in charge of supervising kids they don't know, and supervising large numbers.

It sounds all round like my idea of a nightmare from hell birthday party, and would run away from the whole thing!!!

renaldo · 01/05/2009 11:20

Its standard for a swim party at that age to be asked to go in the pool - we have had swim parties for 30- 40 kids we always say siblings are welcome to come too as long as you will get in with them!

TheMysticMasseuse · 01/05/2009 11:22

I wouldn't come to this party, sorry. the thought of going into a swimming pool full of children and strangers fills me with dread. not rude, but you'll end with fewer children than you expect

Rebeccaj · 01/05/2009 11:28

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I would say 30 kids was too many though! It would be bedlam :-) If he wants to do it, do it, and if parents really don't want to do it then they won't come. It's his party.

Original poster

notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 11:31

Oh god, the whole thing has become a bit of a watery minefield. If only I?d have thought the details through before I booked the pool! I guess because I?m happy to go in with DS and because I would want to as he?s so little, it didn?t enter my head that others would do anything other than assume they?d need to accompany their DC and it didn?t occur to me that someone wouldn?t be happy to!

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to reduce the numbers but DS has been so excited and giving me so many names. I hope he?s not been going round the class telling all these people they are coming!

I don?t really know what?s happened with previous parties, Lady Muck. DS only started in January but ¾ of the class started in September. He didn?t know any of the kids when he arrived and had a bad time at first. Now he?s happier and has a couple of friends he?s really close to but he seems to play with so many different people in the class. There?s no obvious small group to invite. He?s been invited to a couple of parties coming up but they are the first so I?ve no idea what the parents do!

OP posts:

Phoenix4725 · 01/05/2009 11:36

if dd was invited to pool party , I would expect to have to uspervise her infact would want to.Mind might make her big brother (16)goinstead if could not find anyone to wach younger ds

thirtysomething · 01/05/2009 11:39

My DCs have been to loads of swimming parties and everyone always states on the invite that a parent has to go in the water (I think people keep quiet about the 1 adult to 2 children ratio in case that makes parents think they don't have to....)

(However I hate swimming parties with a vengeance - there's no way I'm going in a pool with all those parents there so (am v. overweight and v. self-conscious plu huge allergy to chlorine) so DH does them all......) I do know people who struggle as they have 2-3 other children and no DP around so it's a big problem for them.

LadyMuck · 01/05/2009 11:46

Can you collar one of the other mums in the playground and get an insight into what has happened at other parties? If there have been no all class parties in the 4 months that he has been there, then it might be worth just chatting to one or two in case that there is something that you should know! I assume that you have thought about any cultural/religious issues for example.

Just another thought - you say that you are planning to get into the pool. Will you have anyone outside of the pool at all, and what are you planning to do with the non-swimming parents/younger siblings whilst the others are in the pool?

Jaypickle · 01/05/2009 11:49

To those of you happy to go in with your own, are you also happy to take responsibility for other peoples children as well, if the ratio is 2:1?
Big difference, isn't it?

DandyLioness · 01/05/2009 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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