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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask parents to go into the pool with their kids at DS's swimming party.

131 replies

notsosuremummy · 30/04/2009 23:48

DS is going to be 5 and started school in January. For the last 6 months, all he's wanted for his Birthday is a swimming party so we've booked out a pool and a room for a set fee. We went to a 3rd Birthday party in the same pool last year and all enjoyed going in the water.

When we got the confirmation, the rules stated that one adult is required for every 2 children over 8. We want to make the most of having the pool and invite 30 kids, half of those being his new friends from school but there's no way we can do that unless at least some of the parents go in the water with their kids.

I'm just about to write the invitations and it's only just occurred to me that I would be very happy to go in the water at a swimming party but others may not.

Is it rude to ask them? How would I phrase it?

OP posts:
BarefootShirl · 01/05/2009 11:56

I have accompanied DD to a couple of pool parties and have found that enough of the mums are prepared to go in the pool to pacify the pool operators. Personally, I have gone in both times - not saying the bod looks great but so what - if they don't like the view they can always look the other way . This is supposed to be about DCs safety not a bloody catwalk show.

DuffyFluckling · 01/05/2009 11:57

I don't know anyone who doesn't go swimming with their child.

From reading the threads I guess there may be a couple who won't come because, erm, someone may look at their mother's thighs funny , but you'll never get all 30 people to come to a party whatever you plan.

Just send the invitation saying each child needs an adult, and if anyone refuses you can then investigate why they can't come and if it's because they don't have an adult to swim with them (or because their mother has funny thighs) then you can see about arranging for that child to come anyway, as you only need one adult per two children, so you should be long on swimming adults.

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 01/05/2009 12:03

Hi Dandy

I would be a little unwilling to reveal my wobbling, white thighs and bottom to the school-run mums from DD2's school, but that's because they are all perfectly tanned and toned and glossy of locks.

I think a lot of mums will be as vain and pathetic as me and the other issue is the potential horror of being lumbered with another child.

I would wait a couple of years until you can be sure the majority of the kids will be swimmers.

YorkshireRose · 01/05/2009 12:03

I'm surpised at the number of adults that are required in a shallow kids pool - my local pool does these parties and several of dcs classmates have had them, and have only needed a couple of parent helpers plus two pool staff. Had about 20 kids on average.

I would be quite happy to go in the pool with the kids especially as there will be so many other parents so no-one would be looking at me in particular! And I am far from supermodel shape. But make sure you make it clear in the invitation that parents must make sure they come in the pool or arrange to share with another parent, or you will be left with lots of unaccompanied children on the day who cannot join in.

I was asked to help out in the pool when one of my DDs classmates had one of these parties. I was happy to help out, but a bit miffed when found out it was just me and DH of birthday girl. Her mother (who had asked me to help) disappeared off to the leisure centre coffee bar leaving me there in the pool being watched by lots of other parents from the side! I was pretty annoyed about that!

DandyLioness · 01/05/2009 12:04

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ramonaquimby · 01/05/2009 12:12

30 kids is way too many to invite to a swimming party

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 01/05/2009 12:13

YorkshireRose what a cow!!!!!

Quattrocento · 01/05/2009 12:14

I personally wouldn't be up for it. Not rude to ask though

bellavita · 01/05/2009 12:16

It isn't because I don't want to flash my bod about, it is simply because I could not think of anything worse than 30 kids and a swimming pool.

YorkshireRose · 01/05/2009 12:25

Grumpy, that's pretty much what I thought at the time! That was the last favour she ever got!

katiestar · 01/05/2009 12:25

Lots of kids here have swimming parties.They are detested by parents !!.The invitation just states that a parent must be in the water with the child.
It mostly seems to be the Dads that get lumbered with taking their DC to swimming parties as most Mums don't want to be seen in swimmies.

Original poster
notsosuremummy · 01/05/2009 12:31

Yorkshirerose, if she disappeared to the leisure centre coffee bar, that's really off. Are you sure she did? I'm not going in the water. I've asked my brother to look after on of my DCs and husband the other. I have to prepare the party room while everyones swimming. I'd hope people wouldn't judge me for doing that. I'd love to go in the water but with neither sets of parents able to help me, someone has to prepare the food.

OP posts:
LadyMuck · 01/05/2009 12:38

Oh dear, this is your first school party, isn't it?!

Practically, of course you have to prepare the room. But if you haven't done any groundwork in the playground to assess what the common expectation is for parties, then you will be judged.

Sassybeast · 01/05/2009 12:38

I wouldn't because I wouldn't want the responsibility of keeping an eye of someone elses under 5 in a swimming pool - especially kids that I don't know, who may be petrified of water or who may have no sense of danger. I honestly think 30 5 year olds at a pool party without being sure of adequate willing helpers is madness - sorry!

YorkshireRose · 01/05/2009 12:40

Yes, Notsosure, she definitely did as she told me where she was going! And I saw her there through the observation window with a group of her mates!

Party room was prepared by the leisure centre staff.

She is well known for being a bit of a princess (comes from a family who are used to being waited on by many domestic servants and she resents the fact that she has to make her own meals here in the UK!). This was just the latest in a long line of pisstakes on her part.

She is a pretty extreme example, i have never come across any other mum who behaves quite so badly. If she had indeed been busy on party prep, I would have had no problem with it.

PortBlacksandResident · 01/05/2009 12:45

Try not to look too glamorous at the party afterwards .

YorkshireRose · 01/05/2009 12:46

LadyMuck - Not judging, was sure of my facts, I was having the piss taken!

I'm always happy to help where help is needed. Not so happy to be taken for a mug by someone who just wants to slope off from her own DDs party!

Ivykaty44 · 01/05/2009 12:46

As long as I knew when the invitation stage then I would be fine - I can answer yes or no at this stage if I didn't want to go in the water and felt oblidged if yes to the invite

PortBlacksandResident · 01/05/2009 12:46

I'm sure it will go very well and at the end of the day it's all about your little one having a fabulous day. 30 seems an awful lot though.

ThePellyandMe · 01/05/2009 12:55

I wouldn't be offended by being asked to go in and would do so fairly willingly.

30 childen will be so hard without loads of parents around.

I did a soft play party for 12 6 year olds and that was bad enough. All the parents left and you would really be amazed at how many little problems there will be. Several children got hurt, one child wet himself, another said she was bored

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/05/2009 12:58

to have 30 children in any party is hell

to have 30 possible non swimmers is madness, esp if you then need another 15 adults in the water

imho swimming parties for be only for children who can swim so prob 8+ or to have a small group of 10

i personally wouldnt want to have to get in the water for a party, if i wanted to go swiming then i would take my children myself

if you must have this many children, could you also hire some lifeguards/students/nannies (obv you need to pay them) and get childcare and safety that way?

and of course other problem is if you do ask parents, what happens to their siblings?

i dont think you can invite people to a party and expect the parents to HAVE to help out - most accept party invites to have a few hours of freedom

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2009 13:06

OH God, this thread brings back terrible memories of when dd1 was little. Who invented farking swimming parties? Can't imagine anything with more faff involved. They are the most irritating thing ever and I ended up declining any swimming party invites I got.

At parties, you're supposed to bring your child along, dump them and then come back later to pick them up. Not stick around for hours. Especially in a pool with hardly any clothes on. Everyone knows that.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/05/2009 13:12

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TheMysticMasseuse · 01/05/2009 13:49

"I am amazed at what utter wusses some of you are. You are GROWN WOMEN and you won't go in a swimming pool in case someone looks at you funny? How on earth do you manage to leave the house without therapy?"

what an unnecessarily aggressive post. i think it's perfectly normal not to want to be in your swimming suit with a bunch of school parents. not to mention the effort to get legs waxed, etc.

but as others have said- do it, you'll get fewer children, whcih can only be a good thing as 30 is INSANE.

jellybeans · 01/05/2009 13:57

It's not simply 'being a wuss' not going in the pool. Who knows.. maybe some people cannot swim, have skin problems allergies etc. Don't just assume it is about 'vanity'. I think you will find 'vain' people would not have a problem going in. Self consciousness is not a trivial matter. Being barely clothed is, and should be, a free choice, therefore people should be free to decline. In my experience at least half the parents won't/can't go in the pool. 30 kids sounds dangerous to me anyway, it's hard enough keeping an eye on one or two.