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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my sister not to smoke around her children before I babysit them?

97 replies

Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:40

I am thinking that IABU as I am not usually backwards in coming forwards when telling my sister what I think, but thought I'd put it to the MN jury just to double check.

My sister has asked me to look after her two children on Saturday while she moves house, and again in five weeks when she goes into hospital to have her baby by c-section.

I'm happy to have them at any time, but they always arrive stinking of cigarettes, which is very noticeable when there are two of them in my home where no-one smokes and we like to smell clean.

I think they smell especially bad because my sister and her partner will smoke in the car on the way here, so would I BU to ask her not to do that? I fully admit to being disgusted by smoking in general, and feeling physically ill when I see her smoking at 34+ weeks pregnant but not sure whether I can ask her to stop smoking around her own children before they get here so I don't have to smell it all day.

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 29/04/2009 11:41

Of course you are.

Get yourself a hobby.

sparkle12mar08 · 29/04/2009 11:42

Yes, utterly unreasonable.

I loathe smoking with every fibre of my being, but would still never ask someone not to smoke in their own home or car. You just can't, sorry.

Songbird · 29/04/2009 11:42

Don't go there, sorry!

littleboyblue · 29/04/2009 11:43

I don't really think you can ask/tell her not to smoke around her own children. If she were smoking around your children, then of course, but not her own.
If the smell bothers you that much, maybe you shouldn't babysit, or you could plan the whole day outside.
So, yes IMO YABU

Tommy · 29/04/2009 11:43

yes

take them out to the park to run around and get rid of the smell

hobbgoblin · 29/04/2009 11:43

Better solution?

Buy them a set of clothes each to keep at yours, bath them when they arrive.

Original poster
Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:43

That's what I was thinking. They'll just have to stink my house out ;)

OP posts:
ruty · 29/04/2009 11:44

Well I would be asking her to stop smoking around her children full stop, and asking her to stop smoking when pregnant. Though you probably have.

Original poster
Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:45

hobbgoblin they are a bit old for me to plonk in the bath or I would. I used to when they were smaller. Maybe we'll get a heat wave and I can crack out the paddling pool.

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 29/04/2009 11:46

Is this about her smoking around children or smoking when pregnant?

I think both are a bit morally reprehensible, but I don't think that you can dictate to her without causing a huge argument in all probablilty.

I assume she is aware of the dangers of passive smoking? Perhaps a quiet word about that would be more productive than asking her not to have them stinking out your house as it comes across that you are just concerned about the smell and not for the health of the children.

madwomanintheattic · 29/04/2009 11:46

YABU.

and i've never smoked in my life.

either you are willing to help or you are not. i do find it slightly funny that you would think about asking a pregnant addict to desist on one of life's most stressful occasions though lol (i'm thinking moving rather than c-section - she'll have to wait 24 hours until they let her out the front door of the hospital to have a drag then anyway)

if she won't give up for the baby she's not much likely to take notice of your sense of smell lol.

Original poster
Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:47

ruty we don't discuss the smoking at all. She knows my views on it, and to be fair she doesn't do it around me, she will go outside even in her own home when she usually smokes indoors. I am a lecture queen so we just avoid topics I feel strongly about.

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 29/04/2009 11:48

daisy loving the idea that something can be "a bit" morally reprehensible

Gorionine · 29/04/2009 11:49

YANBU to ask that because you think her Dcs stink of it.

You would not be unreasonable to encourage her gently to stop because of health implication for herself, her DCs + unborn baby if she smokes, even more so if she smokes in the car with them in it too (enclosed space).

LackaDAISYcal · 29/04/2009 11:49

you sound like a scary sister if she even goes outside her own house for a cig when you are there

ruty · 29/04/2009 11:49

very for her children.

LackaDAISYcal · 29/04/2009 11:49

bigbella

Gorionine · 29/04/2009 11:49

sorry, crossposted!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 29/04/2009 11:50

Your sister smokes in the car with her children in there? How old are the kids?
I'm sorry but that's just digusting. Doesn't she realise how bad that is for them not to mention unpleasant. Can't she just wait until the car journey is over and smoke outside?
I used to smoke btw and even to me this is appalling behaviour.

Original poster
Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:52

LackaDAISYcal, I probably am ;)

I've never asked her to do that, but she knows I'd just leave if she smoked in the same room as me and my children.

I should say I probably only see her in her own home for half an hour, twice a year, so it isn't like she is stood outside puffing away for half the year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geepers · 29/04/2009 11:53

Her children are 8 and 4. She must know the danger I suppose, who doesn't? Not sure why she does it - maybe because both our parents were heavy smokers who thought nothing of smoking around us?

OP posts:
kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 29/04/2009 11:58

My parent were both smokers and I was growing up...although my dad has since given up. They thought nothing of smoking in the car with me and my siblings in the back....with the windows up! My Dad cringes at the thought now, he cant believe he did it. They also smoked in the house. But this was in the late 70's and early 80's when most people did the same. I dodnt think the whole passive smoking risk was apparent like it is today.
Unfortunately your sister hasn't got this excuse has she?

Gorionine · 29/04/2009 12:00

I was about to write the same thing kidcreoleandthecoconuts.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 29/04/2009 12:02

She must know the dangers - if she is PG then the midwife docs etc will be on at her the whole time. it's not as if she can lie about it if she stinks.

She either feels terribly guilty about it, but unable to quit, in which case you will simply add to her guilt.

Or she doesn't give a monkeys, and won't take kindly to your saying anything.

Either way I'd leave it if I were you.

Rafi · 29/04/2009 12:04

Stinking of smoke is the kind of thing that could get kids bullied or ostracised at school too, I'd have thought