To ask my sister not to smoke around her children before I babysit them?

[Geepers]

I am thinking that IABU as I am not usually backwards in coming forwards when telling my sister what I think, but thought I'd put it to the MN jury just to double check.

My sister has asked me to look after her two children on Saturday while she moves house, and again in five weeks when she goes into hospital to have her baby by c-section.

I'm happy to have them at any time, but they always arrive stinking of cigarettes, which is very noticeable when there are two of them in my home where no-one smokes and we like to smell clean.

I think they smell especially bad because my sister and her partner will smoke in the car on the way here, so would I BU to ask her not to do that? I fully admit to being disgusted by smoking in general, and feeling physically ill when I see her smoking at 34+ weeks pregnant but not sure whether I can ask her to stop smoking around her own children before they get here so I don't have to smell it all day.

Does the abbreviation "MYOB" mean anything to anyone?

just wondered.

Fair enough geepers

I think perhaps try and broach the subject gently. As a smoker she maybe doesn't realise just how noticeable it is on clothes and in hair and if she doesn't notice the smell on her children, it won't be on her radar that others do.

Good Luck with it!

YANBU. The kids are stinking of smoke in your house - you are perfectly entitled to refuse to have them or to ask her to make sure they don't smell. If the oldest is 8 she's soon going to realise that her mothers actions are having a negative effect on her relationship with other people and perhaps HER nagging will get through to her mother. I refuse to have one of DDs friends over for playdates as both her parents are smokers and her clothes are just awful. Makes me gag and I am perfectly entitled to keep my home a smoke free zone. Hopefully when cigarettes are completely banned, it won't be an issue for you.

MIFLAW, never heard of it! Is it some sort of condition smokers get?

miflaw....was that to the OP or anyone who has commented?

either way the whole point of AIBU is to canvass opinion about a thorny issue, so MYOB doesn't really apply

pmsl gorionine

Sassybeast, I am not a smokr=er anymore, I have stopped when told I was pregnant with DD1. If I was still smocking though, I would not apreciate my children telling me not to for some reason.

MIFLOW, just realised what it meant !I think Daisy is right!

2x for spelling!

Gorione - I'm sure your kids wouldn't appreciate seeing you coughing your guts up and dying a slow painful death from a smoking related disease either but that's life.

I stand by what I said, not fot=r the children to tell their parents what to do!

(seems that the problem is wir=th my keyboard, sorry!)

I think children should absolutely feel able to tell their parents that they hate their gross habit, especially when it impacts upon them.

So many times growing up I had to choke in the back of a smokey car, or sit in a room with 4 adults smokers and no windows open, then trot off to school, stinking.

I'd be mortified if I was doing something to make my children unhappy day in, day out, but my parents saw it as their right to smoke wherever and whenever they liked.

No, the kids can't tell their parents what to do... but I had a friend whose parents smoked in the car when she was a child, & her response was to make herself sick.

And I won't even mention the clothes I had to wear that were too small, the bras that never fit, the ugly shoes I had, all because my parents had no money.

But they managed to each sustain a 30+ per day smoking habit

miflaw, MYOB = mind your own business, I think

Your post seems more disgruntled that your house is going to stink because of these smokey children, than because your sister smokes over them in the first place!

I agree with everyone else who said, if you're going to help out, then help out. I suppose you could see it as your good deed - for every hour you have her children at home, you're keeping them out of a nasty poisonous atmosphere at home!.

Am for them.

At their own home, I meant. Tch.

I am more annoyed that my house will stink TBH. It's up to her what she does in her own home, with her own children. She knows the dangers, and goodness knows I feel sorry for the children living in that kind of atmosphere, but I am selfish and precious about my home and I detest the smell. Really hate it. I have accepted that I'd be unreasonable to sugest that they arrive smoke-free though.

I can really understand why you'd be furious that your sister and her partner are smoking around children and the unborn. I too would be having serious "words" with my sisters if they did this.

Realistically though, I think by asking her not to smoke near them before you babysit them you'd just be transferring your anger at the smoking per se onto this one event, which is not going to help anything long-term. You can't control what your sister does in her own house, and risk sounding naggy if you persist. So on balance, YABmildlyU.

Well, why don't you say "Sorry, I can't look after your dc when you move house and when you have your c-section because they stink of smoke and I really can't stand the smell. But if you put them in clean clothes and don't smoke near them or in the car on the way over on those days then I will look after them".

Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

right-
i genuinely don't believe that two children would reek of smoke so much so that they'd make your house reek-even if the kids themselves were on 60 a day.
We all know smoking is wrong-some of us still do it-i smoked when having my first daughter (yeah yeah i know so flame me) and packed it in when pregnant with number 2. I have never smoked near my children or in the house.I only ever smoked when they were in bed and then in my own garden.
Having given up for the time i was pregnant and then when i was feeding dd2 (aside from the marlboro light i had in labour with dd2...) I am back on the fags now (at night,if i've had a drink and sometimes-just because i fancy one...)
i think your sister knows all the facts,and if/when she wants to give up she will,until then you need to keep it all zipped.YANBU for not liking the smell but you are if you think you can say something about it...

Sleepless - only a smoker would underestimate just how far reaching and stinking cigarette smoky clothes are Believe me - you and every other smoker STINKS. And the OP is perfectly entitled not to have your smell invading her home.

YANBU I don't think anyone who smokes knows how foul they smell, and they do make the whole house reek. If I go into a smoker's house for any length of time I need to shower, wash my hair and wash all my clothes-it is the only way to get rid of it.

YANBU to feel like that ( and I do smoke). I hate clothes smelling of cigarrettes and always wear a separate jacket in all weathers, smoke outside, never in any enclosed spaces and wash hands after. Jacket gets put on and off in the boiler room. I hate the smell and it is even more disgusting when children smell of it

I agree, the best way round this is to ask sis for spare clothes incase they fall over and get muddy/get wet etc. Wash them when you get them and hey presto, all clean.

I do have to say I admire your restraint in not harrassing sis for smoking around her children. If it was my sis (as opposed to my friend iyswim) I would have given a mouthful about that by now.

piscesmum, thats a very general statement and infact as I never smoke inside and always have the door shut while I smoke outside, my house doesn't smell. Nor do I as I realised that very few people knew I smoked when I had a party!