To ask my sister not to smoke around her children before I babysit them?

[Geepers]

I am thinking that IABU as I am not usually backwards in coming forwards when telling my sister what I think, but thought I'd put it to the MN jury just to double check.

My sister has asked me to look after her two children on Saturday while she moves house, and again in five weeks when she goes into hospital to have her baby by c-section.

I'm happy to have them at any time, but they always arrive stinking of cigarettes, which is very noticeable when there are two of them in my home where no-one smokes and we like to smell clean.

I think they smell especially bad because my sister and her partner will smoke in the car on the way here, so would I BU to ask her not to do that? I fully admit to being disgusted by smoking in general, and feeling physically ill when I see her smoking at 34+ weeks pregnant but not sure whether I can ask her to stop smoking around her own children before they get here so I don't have to smell it all day.

you could certainly ask your sister not to smoke in the car with her children but doesnt mean she will

fwiw yab a little u, in the fact you say that these two children will stink your house out

but also know when i go and visit my friend and her dh, who smoke like troopers in their house, that i come home and stink of smoke, in my hair, clothes and even my bag smelt of smoke

if parents want to smoke then fine, but not in the house or car, esp when children are with them

Of course MYOB applies!

Though I admit it's shorthand ...

What I should have typed was

"of course you are being unreasonable. This person presumably is literate and so is fully aware of the health implications, and presumably she loves her own children, yet continues to smoke. The most likely explanation is that she is addicted and cannot stop.

"So why don't you MYOB? (ps MYOB = mind your own business)"

Sorry if I was over-elliptical.

It aplplies if you are only talking to Op,MIFLAW, we (other posters) have just answered her question. It is a bit mean to expect us not to answer an AIBU It is the best bit off the day (for sad old gorionine)to point at people and say they are BU!

how come so many smokers do stop then? It is difficult, but not like flying to the moon or something.

I have very little patience with people who use the excuse of addiction as a reason to carry on smoking tbh.

You can be addicted to cigarettes but not smoke inside your own house or your car.

Giving up smoking is nowhere near as difficult as flying to the moon. I am certain of that because I have given up 7 times and flown to the moon 0 times.

If they don't want to stop they can always do what Dillydaydreamer does and always go outside-there is no excuse to inflict it on others-especially your children.

Despite an overwhelming verdict that I am indeed BU, I am going to send her an email and ask as nicely as I can that the children arrive smelling fresh. Twill not be easy for me, trust me, I am not used to using such tact with her ;)

"Giving up smoking is nowhere near as difficult as flying to the moon. I am certain of that because I have given up 7 times and flown to the moon 0 times."

That is beautiful. Who says there's no good irony to be had these days? PLEASE tell me this is a joke.

If you've given up 7 times, you haven't really given up, have you? If it was as easy as you make out, you'd have done it once and that would have been it.

Thank you for putting a smile on my face anyway.

i know loads of people, including myself, who have given up, not to go back. But even if you do give up repeatedly, you are proving you want to.

Of course its not a joke!

I have not smoked for 7 months, ergo I have given up.

I had several failed attempts beforehand. Most smokers do.

Why is that funny?

Silly Girl!

Febreeze them - simple solution!

When I used to be a secret smoker everyone used to ask me what perfume I wore - it was febreeze so I didn't stink of fags!

Febreeze - gag.

Of course you're proving you want to.

But to continue with Minty's example, whether I want to go to the moon or not, it only counts once I get there.

Minty - you're right. Nothing funny about it. At all.

YANBU. They are your nieces/nephews and you have every right to be concerned about them and to not want the smell in your house. I can't believe your sister is smoking while so heavily pregnant. If it were me, i would tell her she is a fucking selfish bitch and not worry about hurting her feelings or being unreasonable or whatever.

Both my parents are heavy smokers and I just hate the pathetic excuses "oh we don;t smoke around the children" "We go outside to smoke". My DS1 is slightly asthmatic and always comes back from his grandma's house coughing. My mum would rather stab herself in the eyes than admit this has anything to do with the cigarette smoke that lingers on her hair/skin/clothes.

Very unreasonable. Do you live in a show home?

I'm more worried that the OP is more concerned for the state of her house than the general health and welfare of her nieces/nephews.

If it bothers you that much, some febreeze after they have gone will get rid of the smell.

YABU.

Wash them when they arrive, if it bothers you so much.

YANBU

When I was a child I literally begged my parents to stop smoking, spent pocket money on tapes to help them and was genuinely convinced they would die any minute - thanks to biology lesson at school! Not fair on kids.

LackaDAISYcal, I am concerned for any child who is raised in a smokey environment. I think it is selfish, disgusting, stinky, unhealthy and lots of other words! but my sister is an adult, she knows my views on smoking, and she has no intentions of stopping. A lecture from me won't stop her smoking 20+ a day when feeling her 34 week fetus moving around hasn't stopped her.

However, I still don't want their stink in my house. I'm not going to worry about something I can do nothing about, but I do want to prevent my house smelling foul.

My DH smokes the odd cigar, albeit outside or in the car on his own, and apart from a waft of it when he comes in the house or home from work, it really doesn't linger to the extent that he or the house smells of it, and cigar smoke is more noxious smelling than cigarette smoke.

I think you're being a bit precious about this as the smell can't possible be lingering on them ALL day.

And the poor kids; they probably hate coming anyway as they will probably be aware of your turned up nose.

I don't know what's worse the thought of kids stinking of cigs or Febreeze

(you were all joking werent you.....otherwise that is truely vile)

noonki- in the old days i used to febreeze my hair if i'd had a late night on the lash and gone straight into work the next day...

I know i don't smell of smoke for smoking one fag outside more than about half an hour after i've had one-this may or may not be because the smell of booze that i've more often that not had pre smoking has the linger longer factor.

I have given up twice in the past 15 years-once for a year and once for 18 months so am aware of who smells of what thanks... smoking one fag outside is very different to sitting in a car/in an enclosed space imho.

'Very unreasonable. Do you live in a show home? '

It isn't a question of living in a show house-I wouldn't want mine stinking of cigarettes. It is horrible.

But it can't stink of smoke after visits. For goodness sake!

The smell of cigarettes can linger for bloody ages!

Im very lucky to have my father look after my son when im called into work, however my father smokes about 30 a day, he only smokes in the kitchen with the window open. Yet my son will come back and he will STINK, I dont notice this smell when he's there its once we get home.
Im not all uppity when it comes to smoking, its legal, everyone has a choice, I smoked for about 13 years (I never noticed the smell when I was a smoker) and then decided to quit I found it rather easy actually (not bragging or anything!)
I find now that I HATE the smell I find it really disgusting, so OP YANBU to not want the kids to not smell as horrible, the best thing is to probably make your sister aware of the fact the children reek of cigarettes and maybe have a bath ready for them and have some fresh clothes ready.