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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that my close cousin doesnt want my DS (her godson) at her wedding?

113 replies

santapaws · 28/04/2009 11:28

I know the whole "kids at weddings" debate is a funny one, but she says that if she has my DS, she would have to invite the other 19 kids of people that are coming.

She is godmother only to my son though and was chief bridesmaid at my wedding (apprantely, i dont qualify as a bridesmaid at her wedding but thats another AIBU!)

Im not demanding that he play a part in the wedding, but just not to be excluded, especially when the only babysitters i really have will be at the bloody wedding!

My mum has "sided" with her saying, i'll have a much better time without him there! I have yet to convince my (very skeptical) husband of this fact.

He will be 5 when they get married.

OP posts:

TheHedgeWitchIsNAK · 28/04/2009 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mayorquimby · 28/04/2009 11:34

yanbu to be a little annoyed privately.
yab-completely-u to demanding that he not be excluded or voicing your opinion to try and change this as the lines "Im not demanding that he play a part in the wedding, but just not to be excluded" and "my mum has "sided" with her"

it's her wedding of course your mum has "sided with her.if she wants a child free wedding then that's perfectly acceptable

traceybath · 28/04/2009 11:34

What hedgewitch says.

MmeLindt · 28/04/2009 11:35

YABU

He will be 5yo, perhaps he can stay at a friend's house?

MadameCastafiore · 28/04/2009 11:35

Totally unreasonable - he is 5 FGS - leave him with one of his friends mums and have the time of your life!

The other 19 sets of parents would lynch you if they didn;t have a reason not to bring their kids.

Nancy66 · 28/04/2009 11:36

If she doesn't want kids then it's her choice and more and more the norm at weddings these days.

I can also see how she can't just allow your son - irrespective of his godson status - it would cause resentment with the other guests.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2009 11:36

YABU.

If you can't get a babysitter, just decline the invite.

It's her wedding, her choice.

muppetgirl · 28/04/2009 11:37

I agree, you did your wedding your way and this is hers so should be the same rule surely?

Be annoyed in private but it is her wedding

Gateau · 28/04/2009 11:39

Her wedding; her choice. YABU and a bit precious. (re the bridesmaid bit as well).
Your son is everything to you, but not your cousin.
Don't go if you're that annoyed about her decisions.

ThePhantomPlopper · 28/04/2009 11:39

It's not your choice.

We invited children to our wedding, they were bored.

mychildrenarebarmy · 28/04/2009 11:40

Without going into the whole children at weddings debate it is her wedding. Just because you are very close and she is Godmother to your DS it doesn't mean she should change her decision. It is her wedding and she should be able to plan it as she wants. When it came to my wedding it was a case of the more children the better but that isn't for everyone. I think you will have to just accept that it's up to her how she does it.

Original poster

santapaws · 28/04/2009 11:40

Ok fair enough. Personally, i would like to think i would be more accomodating to others, but she obviously doesnt want him there so thats that.

Could i get away with going just for a while then?

He will HAVE to stay at a friends house, i have no-one else to leave him with as all my babysitters will be at the wedding!

Thanks x

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 28/04/2009 11:42

YABU

She is right if she makes an exception for your DS then she will have to invite the rest of she will have 19 sets of very unhappy parents to contend with.

mayorquimby · 28/04/2009 11:43

yes. if she's decided that it's a child-free wedding and the only way you can attend under these circumstances is to only attend part of the wedding then she has to accept that.because obviously if it is a child-free wedding you have to accept that some may not be able to attend due to lack of child-care and others may have to leave early or arrive late due to child care arrangements.
if she gets pissed off about this then she would be being unreasonable

islandofsodor · 28/04/2009 11:44

YABU. I would fel differently if it was your sister but for a cousin you either decline of you really can't get childcare or find someone to look after ds.

I have politely declined a wedding invitation from my cousin because of childcare. No problem.

muppetgirl · 28/04/2009 11:47

Actually thinking about it my ds 1 2.5, didn't go to my b/f's- his godmother's- wedding as I was bridesmaid and also suffering with depression so she asked if he could go to MIL's which he did and he had a great time.

I was able to relax and enjoy the day, she was able to relax knowing I was okay.

I think we do things our way and then expect everyone else to do the same when in fact they really don't have to. You can disagree with someone and still be really good mates...

muppetgirl · 28/04/2009 11:49

''Personally, i would like to think i would be more accomodating to others, but she obviously doesnt want him there so thats that.''

Don't take it so personally, if it were just your ds then yep, take it personally but she's said she doesn't want any children there so not a personal thing at all.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2009 11:51

She doesn't want any kids at her wedding. I wouldn't, either, tbh, and if others don't then fair play to them.

jellybeans · 28/04/2009 11:51

YANBU I am not keen on 'little people free weddings.' I would prob just go to evening part if I could get babysitter. My wedding was fab with kids running round etc, way it should be! (IMO)

Original poster

santapaws · 28/04/2009 11:52

Yeah, i get im being unreasonable, but if i declined, it'd be a family scandel (you dont know my family!) so dont feel like i can decline.

Might just go for a while so as not to upset everyone.

OP posts:

clumsymum · 28/04/2009 11:56

Small boys and weddings don't go together.

Small boys get bored, distract everyone, and tend to become 'the centre of attention', or cause disruption. No bride would want that.

If you can't be seperated from your ds for 1 day, while you do something that is an adult pass-time, after 5 years with him ......

Go, have a lovely time chatting and socialising without having to be constantly checking where he is and what he's doing.

BTW, even my stepchildren weren't invited to our wedding. They were aged 5 and 10 at the time, and we thought hard about it, but dh decided it wasn't appropriate. I think he was right.

thumbwitch · 28/04/2009 11:59

YABU as she has a point about having to invite 19 other children - although it could depend on how close those other children are. A friend of mine got married and specified no DC as it would have been about 40 of them; but she had her god daughter there as a flower girl and another friend's bf'ing baby was allowed.

And in the end it IS her day and her choice. If you want to make a scene about it, that could spoil her day - is that what you want to do? But, otoh, she does have to accept that you have to make the arrangements necessary to your own family's comfort - if that means you leave early, or only go to part of it, so be it. She can't have it both ways.

GooseyLoosey · 28/04/2009 12:08

YABU - I had a "little people free" wedding as at the time I had no children and tbh had little patience for other people's. They would have spoiled it for me - not if they had been well behaved etc, but if they had shouted during the service. Now I have children, I might feel different but IME, childless people often do not see the "pleasure" that children can bring and therefore do not want them around at their special occassions.

Original poster

santapaws · 28/04/2009 12:09

Thank you thumbwitch,she isnt close to about 16 of the other 19 kids, but would feel obliged to invite them so not ill feeling.

I dont want to spoil her day otherwise i would say im not going, but she can be very pissy and will probably have something to stay about me not staying all day and all night aswell!

Clumsymum, its not that i cant be seperated from him (he'll be at school 5 days a week?)
just that he will have to go to a friends house all day from about 11am until bedtime, would be easier if we left earlier that all.

Thanks

OP posts:

MadameCastafiore · 28/04/2009 12:14

YES YAstillBU even after reading these replies - why the hell did you post?

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