Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to be annoyed that my close cousin doesnt want my DS (her godson) at her wedding?

113 replies

santapaws · 28/04/2009 11:28

I know the whole "kids at weddings" debate is a funny one, but she says that if she has my DS, she would have to invite the other 19 kids of people that are coming.

She is godmother only to my son though and was chief bridesmaid at my wedding (apprantely, i dont qualify as a bridesmaid at her wedding but thats another AIBU!)

Im not demanding that he play a part in the wedding, but just not to be excluded, especially when the only babysitters i really have will be at the bloody wedding!

My mum has "sided" with her saying, i'll have a much better time without him there! I have yet to convince my (very skeptical) husband of this fact.

He will be 5 when they get married.

OP posts:

jellybeans · 28/04/2009 12:14

I would go to some of it and explain that you have no babysitter and don't want to leave DS all day. I have left a couple of weddings early due to kids/childcare issues. If she wants you there all day she can make an exception to her blanket ban and just have her godchild and no other kids! YES it is her wedding, her day but that doesn't mean she shouldn't consider anyone else at all!

jack99 · 28/04/2009 12:37

Santa, if you can't get childcare she will have to accept you can't go as she created the situation. She would be very U to get snotty about it. That is if you have tried and failed to get suitable care for him. And I do not see why you should have to pay out for a babysitter TBH, that would cost a fortune for the whole day.

Let her say what she wants, it was HER choice.

However, if your dc can go to a friend's for the day you should go as you will have a good day.

Greensleeves · 28/04/2009 12:38

yanbu, the miserable cow

Hope it rains

lizziemun · 28/04/2009 12:41

I would ask how your freind would feel about having your ds that day and maybe either late into the evening or overnight if wedding isn't local to you. If she not able to have him then i would either go by myself for the service and photo's then go home, leaving your dh/p with your ds.

Then explain that you have noone available to have your ds so you will be able to come to the cemmony and photos but will notbe staying and longer.

MrsTittleMouse · 28/04/2009 12:46

Maybe she doesn't have enough space or money for 20 children to come to her wedding. I think that she's doing the right thing to treat everyone the same.

WinkyWinkola · 28/04/2009 12:53

You make it sound like it's personal - she doesn't want him there in particular. I don't think she wants any kids there. It's her wedding, her choice.

I've just been to a childfree wedding this weekend. It was brilliant not to have to keep watching out for them, shushing them at important parts of the day and just generally being an adult with other adults.

Think of it as a blessing.

Original poster

santapaws · 28/04/2009 13:00

Thanks eveyone.

And madamecastafiore, i posted because i wanted someone's opinion, as per the topic.

OP posts:

muppetgirl · 28/04/2009 13:03

Jack 99 - if your;e invited out to dinner then you'd need a babysitter. I find it interesting that another social engagement -wedding- isn't considered the same. You accept know the t's & c's or you decline.

jellybeans -it is her wedding and no, she doesn't have to consider how the op will cope with childcare!

kslatts · 28/04/2009 13:38

YABU - she should have the wedding she really wants, and if that means no children then it's her choice.

GColdtimer · 28/04/2009 13:44

"but she obviously doesnt want him there so thats that"

But it isn't stictly case is it? If she asked your DS she would have to cater for another 18 children, which she obviousy doesn't want to do.

Don't take it so pesonally.

And weddings are so much better without the kids aren't they?

jack99 · 28/04/2009 13:45

Muppet - Most dinner invitations do not require a babysitter fao a whole day and evening at £6 per hour!

Do the sums:

Average dinner invite - from 8pm to 12pm
= 4 hours @ £6 = £24

The OP has stated the bride will want them at the wedding from 11am through to end of evening (say 12pm)
= 13 hours @ £6 = £78

So it will cost more than 3 times what it would cost to go out for one dinner. Not an inconsiderable amount of money for most parents on average wages.

And quite a few parents do need to think about what it will cost for a babysitter when accepting a dinner invitation, we can't all go out any time we choose and say hang the cost!

jack99 · 28/04/2009 13:48

Basically, YABU if you want to insist your dc should be invited.

The bride is being U if she gets shirty because you are unable to attend because of childcare problems. Your childcare issues may not be HER problem but they are YOURS! And the insistence on a childfree wedding is THE BRIDE'S problem!

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 13:48

I'll probably get slammed for this but I cannot understand this "no kids at weddings" when there are lots of children in the bride or groom's family - it's asking for trouble, gets people upset (like the OP - YANBU btw)and means that some guests won't be able to attend if they can't get childcare!
My own brother's wedding is coming up and I have 4 dcs and he's not keen on having kids at the wedding so has only invited those children close to his family which means we're ok to take the boys but are under strict instructions to keep them at the back of the church so as not to disrupt things and I'll also feel a bit awkward with my cousins who aren't allowed to take their dcs along but will see us with our 4 there!
Yesm you should have the wedding you want but I don't think that extends to alienating family and friends by excluding children.

belgo · 28/04/2009 13:50

YANBU.

Why does her day have to be so perfect at the expense of everyone else? Aren't weddings about family and friends and being together?

Very selfish attitude we have to weddings to think it is her day and stuff everyone else.

jack99 · 28/04/2009 13:51

I'm with you there, FrankMustard, I think childfree weddings are rather sterile and boring personally.

I think weddings are about family and friends, and kids are part of those families.

Each to their own, but that's how I feel.

Triggles · 28/04/2009 13:58

I have never understood the whole "no kids at weddings" thing either. They're part of the family, and by excluding children, the parents are often excluded by necessity as well due to lack of babysitter.

Thankfully, our extended family and any friends that have gotten married in the last few years have been happy to have children at the wedding and reception. We usually take the children, sit towards the back if possible so we can take a child out if need be, and go to the afternoon reception. The evening reception we generally pass on, as we don't think it's appropriate to have children there when the alcohol is flowing a bit more freely and things go into the evening. Not to mention we don't want to completely disrupt the children's schedules by keeping them out late in the evening.

I've always kind of associated the "no children" weddings as being for those type of brides that are a bit uptight and want the "perfect wedding" and if we were invited to something like that, we'd probably send a card and a gift and decline to attend anyway. But again, that's just my opinion.

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 14:01

Triggles I think you're right, certainly in the case of my brother and his wife-to-be, they don't want any distractions, no interrupting of vows, no noise at all. I know when I got married, once up at the front, saying our vows, we weren't even aware of anyhone else being in the room so am sure they won't notice if a child speaks etc and whilst I'm not sympathetic of someone not wanting their vows screeeched over, I think they should give the parents more credit for subtely removing their child from the church if they start to "create". Does it also mean that anyone who might cough, sneeze or accidentally knock a hymn book off the pew onto the wooden floor will be excluded too??!

sleeplessinstretford · 28/04/2009 14:03

jesus,if i could get away with it i wouldn't even have my own kids at my wedding...
it's up to the bride what she does for her wedding,it's not personal to not want your son there-i am PMSL at you getting arsey over not being a fucking bridesmaid for gods sakes...seriously-did you want a pretty sateen dress and a fuss making all day?!?
thirdly-you could ditch him with a friend in the day-nip home at the end of the meal bit-collect son,bath and bed him at home and pay for a sitter for the evening when he's gone to bed-we've done this many times with ours-it means they are there for the family bit (although i sometimes would rather they weren't IYSWIM) and we can go home, drink a bottle of wine,freshen up,ditch car,get SLAUGHTERED for the evening without having to do knee slides with kids... YABU

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 28/04/2009 14:04

When I was planning a wedding (after I had children) I didn't plan a child free day as I was aware as a mum how difficult it could be but did only invite the wedding party and family children for the main reason that even though the venue and I made a childrens menu it was still REALLY expensive to feed everyone and the children above high chair age were also classed as one of the "number" so with restricted numbers available in the hotel I was going to have to let people down. In the end though I ecided to change venue and have a buffet so I could have anyone I wanted and be a bit more open house about it.

As much as I personally do see weddings as family occasions having planned one myself and seen the cost and the limited space venues have I can totally understand why some people shoose no children at all especially if they have none of their own.

Satyasmum · 28/04/2009 14:06

YANBU
Weddings should be family events, next it will be the old people. What kind of society do we live in when people's priorities are the look of their event and not the enjoyment of all!
Shame you will have to put up with her ban, but I think you are right to feel put out.

EldonAve · 28/04/2009 14:06

YABU

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 14:07

sorry, meant to say I AM sympathetic of people not wanting their vows drowned out! Oops!

GColdtimer · 28/04/2009 14:23

"I'm with you there, FrankMustard, I think childfree weddings are rather sterile and boring personally."

Well, you were obviously not at my wedding then

Seriously though, the only child we had at my wedding was my niece who was 1. If we'd invited children we would have had 20 of them under 2. You can't seriously tell me that would make for a fun day for everyone?

We didn't have a "ban" anyway, we just explained our predictament to our friends, but said that if they had no childcare they were welcome to bring their children. Nobody did because they all wanted to let their hair down and were lucky enough to have babysitters.

jellybeans · 28/04/2009 14:24

'jellybeans -it is her wedding and no, she doesn't have to consider how the op will cope with childcare! '
Well then she has to accept that some people may not come, including OP.

I agree with the posters who say 'no child' weddings are boring! In some countries it would be considered weird to exclude some family members! Each to their own, though, luckily all weddings I have been invited too have included the kids, unless they have been just evening invites.

wombleprincess · 28/04/2009 14:26

yabu, its here wedding, and you dont have to go.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread