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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my close cousin doesnt want my DS (her godson) at her wedding?

113 replies

santapaws · 28/04/2009 11:28

I know the whole "kids at weddings" debate is a funny one, but she says that if she has my DS, she would have to invite the other 19 kids of people that are coming.

She is godmother only to my son though and was chief bridesmaid at my wedding (apprantely, i dont qualify as a bridesmaid at her wedding but thats another AIBU!)

Im not demanding that he play a part in the wedding, but just not to be excluded, especially when the only babysitters i really have will be at the bloody wedding!

My mum has "sided" with her saying, i'll have a much better time without him there! I have yet to convince my (very skeptical) husband of this fact.

He will be 5 when they get married.

x

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 28/04/2009 16:44

Not just you - kids are a pain in the arse at weddings. They hate them and the parents get stressed looking after them.

Leave 'em at home.

Morloth · 28/04/2009 16:45

I quite like going to places where children are not welcome. Its nice to get away from the little snots sometimes.

Best wedding I have ever been too was childfree - it also cost in the region of a AUD$100,000 (which probably had something to do with it). Children running about would have ruined it for sure. Was divine.

CatchaStar · 28/04/2009 16:46

Oh for goodness sake!

'I dont want to spoil her day otherwise i would say im not going, but she can be very pissy and will probably have something to stay about me not staying all day and all night aswell!'

You sound like the pissy one tbh, sorry. You are being so totally unreasonable! It's her wedding day, hers, not yours. You don't get to dictate who goes and who doesn't. An extra 20 places for children would cost her how much? I hate to think, going on the cost of most weddings.

This isn't at all personal, she doesn't want any children there.

I seriously do not understand why people get so upset about this. Why can't you just respect her decision, accept that it's her big day and quit moaning about her wishes? If she's such a good friend why can't you just accept that she doesn't want a wedding filled with children running riot? Can't you just, for this one day, arrange childcare and go and have a good time? Your son will be perfectly fine for a day and an evening, and it gives you a break as well, go and get completely wasted! If childcare is too much of a problem and it can't be arranged, then don't go. There must be someone able to take your son for a night though, surely?

It's not about being child friendly cheekster, it's about having the wedding you want. Sometimes that doesn't include having bored, over tired children running around madly where the majority of adults are getting drunk and not paying attention. It would also mean that the parents would have to leave the reception early to put the children to bed, and likely would need to stay with them. Hardly fun.

My cousin had a no kids wedding a few years back, because she wanted it to be more 'grown up' I suppose. It was a good job too because everyone was so drunk.

cheekster · 28/04/2009 16:54

MorrisZapp, Im just trying to get the POV across that I think ther are more annoying people going to the wedding then children who are also at an expense too

e.g. uncles who get too drunk and dont know when to stop, those who only go to compare weddings and have a good bitch afterwards etc etc

But you wouldnt exclude those would you? Yet some people think its ok to exclude children

But thats just my opinion

I personally wouldnt make a big issue out of it if this happened to me. I would give an excuse for not being able to make it e.g. holiday, send them a nice gift and wish them well.

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 16:57

lol twofalls

  • imagining my future SIL if she'd been the bride at the wedding when the child commented on the hippy vicar - I probably would have done myself an injury laughing so much!
DandyLioness · 28/04/2009 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

muppetgirl · 28/04/2009 17:00

jack99 - I worked out the cost for myself thanks
I don't see the cost is the problem more the idea that if you need a babysitter for a social engagement where children aren't allowed you need a babysitter. Cost is an issue then taken into consideration such as having to stay over in a hotel for the night. Some things you can get round, some you can't.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2009 17:02

'Because they may make noise in church and run around??????

They are part of the family FGS!!!!!'

My point exactly as to why if I had a wedding, I'd definitely exclude children, because of teh parents who think it's okay for their kids to kick off in church and run riot at the reception.

In a family, the first thing you learn is that some occassions are inappropriate for making noise and running around.

Like church, which is the house of God, whilst the minister is trying to speak and people are pledging their lives together before God.

And you learn as children that your family members should be respected when they're doing something like this, and God, too.

You learn from your parents not taking you into situations like that until you're able to behave because they, the parents, have respect for their family members' and friends' feelings.

belgo · 28/04/2009 17:08

Isn't a church wedding a public place? I remember as a child with my mum going into the back of the church during weddings, even though we were not invited.

cheekster · 28/04/2009 17:12

Expatinscotland - I agree with you that family members and the church should be respcted and when my ds gets older he will be taught these morals too. He will definately not be allowed to run around in church.

But I just think there are a whole lot of other people who are soooooo annoying at weddings (even more so than children IMO)yet these people would still be invited????

Some miserable people have made it ok to not invite children to weddings and I dont agree with it one bit.

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 17:18

cheekster I do agree that there are other more annoying guests than the odd child here or there at weddings. I tried to make this point to my brother and he was strict about them as he is about kids at weddings - he wants people who have coughs to sit at the back and says no-one had better talk through the organ music during the signing of the register or he'll be cross (ooh scary). Methinks he's getting rather over controlling and anyway, they'll be in the vestry signing the register so won't know if anyone chats a bit.....unless they've organised CCTV or have a mole in the congregation
I just hope they stop trying to control everybody long enough to actually enjoy their special day!

MorrisZapp · 28/04/2009 17:19

Think you're on a loser cheekster with your 'ban other annoying people from weddings' stance.

How and on what planet could it possibly work to say on the invitation 'Sorry, but we have decided not to ask any post menopausal women to your wedding as they always bitch and moan about the meal then proceed to dangle their bingo wings to Neil Diamond'?

Sorry, but children are not adults, cannot be compared to adults, and are no equivalent to 'other annoying people'!

FrankMustard · 28/04/2009 17:22

lol at bingo wings MorrisZapp but I think Cheekster was just trying to say that sometimes other people can cause more disruption at weddings than other children

cheekster · 28/04/2009 17:26

AGAIN - I never said they were the same, MorrisZapp!

I just cant see why people can use the excuse that children arent invited to the wedding because 'they are annoying.' Grown ups can be just as annoying!

expatinscotland · 28/04/2009 17:41

It's that you can't trust the parents to discipline them properly. That's why they're most often excluded at weddings.

sayithowitis · 28/04/2009 17:44

ROFL at the thought that a more 'grown up' wedding is one where all the adults are drunk!

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2009 17:47

yabu

its nothing personal, she has no to all childnren, not just yours

if she invites one, then will have to invite others and maybe she doesnt have space or money for extra people or maye she just doesnt want children there full stop

either way it is her wedding and therefore she and her dp can invite who they like

i understand the no babysitter thing, but as your ds is 5 could he not go to a friends for a play and sleepover and say to the parents you will retuen the favour the following month?

and fwiw - i went to a wedding at the weekend at during the church service 3 of the children moaned/cried/talked and i kept thinking FFS take your children out NOW but they didnt and if i were that bride i would have been seriously pissed off!!!!

thumbwitch · 28/04/2009 18:02

I seriously object to the idea that weddings are not for the bride and groom, they are events for the family.
Well, when the family pay for the whole thing, then let the family have their day - when the bride and groom pay for it then they should be able to have it the way they want it! I think it's outrageous that the bride and groom should be held to ransom by various family members "because it's a family occasion" - bugger that!

We paid for ours and we only invited the family we wanted there as well - that meant a lot of extended family weren't included - we didn't have the budget and I was damned if I was going to excluded half my friends to pay vast amounts for "family" who I didn't see one end of a year to the next!

And that included not inviting one of my mum's cousins because she and her whole family are ghastly, but inviting mum's other cousin (her brother) because they are fine!

Rant over.

traceybath · 28/04/2009 18:07

Confession time - we didn't have our own one year old at our wedding.

I wanted the wedding day to be about my DH and myself and our vows. Also it was at a very posh hotel so he went to the nursery next door for the day.

We did have a big hog roast/party 2 days later where he came along with about a million other children.

I really enjoyed my wedding day and am glad we made the decision we did but am aware others may think i was a right old meanie.

But far better in my opinion to relax and have a few glasses of champagne whilst not in charge of a small child.

jack99 · 28/04/2009 18:51

Morris - yes, you are right, they are not the same - kids are usually more pleasant!

jack99 · 28/04/2009 18:56

Muppet - you are lucky that cost is not an issue for you. For some people it is.

nondomesticgoddess · 28/04/2009 19:11

I would never want to take my children to a wedding. They seriously interfere with my wine consumption!

GColdtimer · 28/04/2009 19:46

MorrisZap, you are making me laugh on this thread. And I couldn't agree more nondomesticgoddess .

We didn't take DD to the last wedding we went to, she was invited but it was in a fancy bar in the city and there was free flowing champagne all day, so obviously we left her at home. DH and I had a lovely time and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for the mums (dads were too pissed) of other toddlers who spent the day trying to run around in their glamourous heels on slipperly floors chasing after their offspring with a slightly wild and desparate look in their eyes. How can that be fun?

traceybath - what is the betting your one year old had a much better day at nursery.

canttouchthis · 28/04/2009 19:53

YAB totally and utterly U. it's your cousin's big day, she'll do it her way. I also agree about inviting one kid would mean inviting the masses... let's get real here, weddings are expensive enough as it is, without adding the cost of kids meals too.

Have the time of your life without your wee one! How often do we all get nights off from being a parent? Not V often!

Thunderduck · 28/04/2009 21:49

YABU.

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