Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't tell someone you're popping round later with 4 kids in tow?

89 replies

junglist1 · 25/04/2009 12:43

I just want to be able to do what i f ing want with my weekend without having to put up with friends forcing themselves on me. OK if you have one or 2 children maybe, but if you have 4 maybe think before you threaten to come round. I have exams to study for, and maybe would like to do something with my DC's without her lot rampaging through my house. If I wanted a party this weekend I would have f ing arranged one.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 25/04/2009 12:45

YABU

Tee2072 · 25/04/2009 12:45

And you couldn't just tell her no because.....

cazboldy · 25/04/2009 12:46

Are you supposed to be her friend?

MaureenMLove · 25/04/2009 12:46

Oh dear! She only wants to come to see you and brighten your weekend! Bless her. She probably hasn't realised you have a whole heap of stuff you need to be getting on with. Can't you call her and say you really need to get on with some studying? I'm sure, if she's a friend worth having, she'd understand.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 25/04/2009 12:47

Yabu. Learn the art of Having Other Plans

twinsetandpearls · 25/04/2009 12:47

Wouldnt bother me tbh, would be glad she wanted to come and see me. If I was busy I would just say so.

Fairynufff · 25/04/2009 12:47

YANBU - I know this situation soooo well. But you have to take control and start saying no like Tee2072 said. Even if it means being rude - good friends will cope with some crap now and then and crucially they will learn about boundaries.

Original poster
junglist1 · 25/04/2009 12:47

She is a friend worth having, I feel better I've ranted over it. I know in a way I sound out of order

OP posts:
justaboutspringtime · 25/04/2009 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsdisorganised · 25/04/2009 12:48

YABU, if you are friends surely you could say to her that it isn't the right time....

retiredgoth2 · 25/04/2009 12:50

....well, if you are having a party I'll pop round with my four, too.

Only fresh coffee for me, please (none of your instant shite).

...oh, and don't worry about the impetigo. I'll tell them to keep it covered and to keep the scratching to a minimum.

See you soon!

Triggles · 25/04/2009 12:50

Why can't you just say no or that it's not a good time? Although to be honest, you sound like maybe you're in a bit of a bad mood and would have been annoyed regardless. Either that or you have some personal issues with this person and their children. I didn't realise that those of us with more than 1 or 2 children were not allowed to visit people. interesting concept. Don't worry - keep up that kind of attitude and you won't have people wanting to visit you anyway.

compo · 25/04/2009 12:50

why didn't you just say it wasn't convenient?

sandcastles · 25/04/2009 12:50

Errmmm, my guess is you say "I am sorry X, but I am really busy this weekend, can we leave it please"

You don't slag her down on an internet chat site.

If you cannot tell her that it is inconvenient, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her.

Original poster
junglist1 · 25/04/2009 12:52

She asked what I was doing and I said studying etc and she still asked to pop round! That made me think something was up, so I agreed, but now I know she just wanted to get out of the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
junglist1 · 25/04/2009 12:53

Sorry retiredgoth am all out of coffee. Will herbal tea do?

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 25/04/2009 12:55

Surely better to have a moan on a website, than in rl to your other half, who probably wouldn't get it anyway!

nametaken · 25/04/2009 12:56

In a way YABU but on the other hand I know what it feels like when people decend on you with all their kids because they're bored and they don't have any money so they'd like you to entertain them. so I do know where you're coming from.

You've said they can come now so let them come. Be nice, make tea then after a while, tell them you've got other things organised.

nametaken · 25/04/2009 12:57

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with having a moan on Mumsnet either. I do it all the time. If you can't have a moan here, where can you

SoupDragon · 25/04/2009 12:58

I'm surprised you have any friends TBH.

Fairynufff · 25/04/2009 12:58

junglist1 - yes it's people who "just want to get out of their own house" that I identify with. And strangely all people who had lovely big homes I would chop off my right arm for. Why do they never want to be in them? They want to come to my cluttered, little hovel with all their rampaging kids...It's annoying and the bottom line is it's not a nice friendly gesture on their part. It's just using.

justaboutspringtime · 25/04/2009 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
junglist1 · 25/04/2009 12:59

I do like them, just not the amount of them at the moment lol

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 13:08

lol Fairy - how is someone leaving their nice spacious home to come to your tiny one "using" you

juuule · 25/04/2009 13:11

YABU.

If it's too much for you. Tell her.
If it's inconvenient. Tell her.
If she came round and you thought she had stayed too long, let her know that you have things to do and you'll catch up with her another day.
If when she visits,her children are 'rampaging' through your house and you want it to stop. Tell her.
"I do like them, just not the amount of them at the moment " Tell her you have a lot on and just can't cope with more children at the moment.
What's the problem?

How old are her children?

Swipe left for the next trending thread