Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked for a seat on the bus?

79 replies

dilemma456 · 21/04/2009 18:52

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 21/04/2009 18:54

YANBU

there are priority seats on buses for people with childrne

and as for the abuse - well it never ceases to amaze me how rude people are

MarlaSinger · 21/04/2009 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuffyFluckling · 21/04/2009 18:58

YANBU.

Anyone should be able to ask anyone else for a seat if they are struggling. Any decent person would gladly say yes.

What a horrid man to be so rude about it.

And who on earth would chunter about someone needing a seat?

Don't dwell on it.

Ewe · 21/04/2009 18:58

How horrible.

When I was pregnant I always used to have to ask for a seat on the bus as nobody offered. So sorry you were spoken to so badly for asking!

BunnyLebowski · 21/04/2009 18:59

That's awful and you were definitely not being unreasonable in asking.

The buses here are the same, full of rude, obnoxious mouth-breathers.....makes me glad we just got a car finally.

Can I have a glass Marla?

MillyR · 21/04/2009 19:01

My parents brought me up with the rule that children should stand so that adults can have a seat on public transport, and I have done the same with my children. They always offer seats to adults on the bus. I would certainly have declined the offer of a seat from an elderly person; they could have fallen on a moving bus and injured themselves (fragile bones and so on).

ZZZen · 21/04/2009 19:02

what's rude about politely asking someone to let you have their seat since your dc has fallen asleep? I don't get at all why anyone should have a go at you for that.

Auntylulu · 21/04/2009 19:04

not rude at all! sorry you got a mouthful though

i was on a crowded bus once, sat down one DC on my knee, one next to me, and a women on crutches got on, i was the only person who offered her a seat... everyone else pretneded hey could not not see her.. she politely declined it though, but thanked me..

i often make DS stand up for an adult if no seats..he likes hanging on the bar anyway!!

SugarBird · 21/04/2009 19:04

Of course you are not being unreasonable in the slightest and how vile he was to be rude to you. Anyone should offer a seat to someone who clearly needs it more than them.

Don't let it put you off asking again if you need to - most people are better behaved than this.

Try to put it out of your mind and enjoy this lovely evening (well it is here...)

picmaestress · 21/04/2009 19:07

YANBU. Why on earth would he refuse to give t up his seat AND abuse you, I don't get it?

Everyone knows they should give a seat to a person with small kids, or elderly person or pregnant woman. To have a go at you about it just for asking is just ridiculous, and I'd say over-aggressive to the point of being mentally ill.

If I'd been on the bus with you, I would have noticed and given you a seat instantly. It's not safe for little kids to stand on the bus, but I think a lot of people just don't give a monkeys tbh.

I think he sounds ill or deeply weird to be honest, that's not normal. Don't let it upset you, feel sorry for him, his life must be dreadful if he lives it at that angry pitch.

smartiejake · 21/04/2009 19:07

What's rude is that you actually had to ask. Surely the passengers on the bus could see you were struggling?

Like MillyR I was always expected to give up my seat for an adult on a bus and my DDs would do the same.

goodnightmoon · 21/04/2009 19:08

YANBU - the buses do show a picture of an adult with a child on their lap for priority seating. However, I also agree with MillyR as well, when a child is old enough (and obviously awake) to stand for longer periods.

It really ticked me off when i was pregnant and a couple of times on the Tube had large family groups with children jump into seats as they became free, while I stood fuming ...

MIAonline · 21/04/2009 19:08

YANBU, It is disgraceful that a man in his 20's would not offer, let alone refuse to give up his seat.
Agree with MillyR about 'children' giving up a seat but a 3 year old is too young to stand on a bus and especially for a mum to carry her for a 45 minute journey, too much to ask, when there are other perfectly able people to do so. Must admit, not sure I would have let an elderly person give up their seat but after a torturous 45 minutes who knows.

LittleMissBliss · 21/04/2009 19:08

What a horrid man. UANBU.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 21/04/2009 19:11

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
MollieO · 21/04/2009 19:11

I travel on the tube every day and I would never ask a young man. I would always ask a woman my sort of age (early 40s). She will probably understand what you're dealing with and most likely once she stands up a man will then offer his seat. Hate to be ageist but men in the 20s are the absolute worst. They were the ones that used to push me out of the way to get a seat when I was heavily pregnant.

MillyR · 21/04/2009 19:14

Sorry OP - I did not mean to imply that your sleeping 3 year old could stand for 45 mins! I meant that children/teens should have offered you a seat. My post was badly worded.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 21/04/2009 19:22

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 21/04/2009 19:24

YANBU. Young, healthy people should give up their seat without being asked.

If there is a double decker bus they should sod off upstairs and leave the downstairs to, oldies, parents with small Dcs, buggies, wheel chair users,etc.

When I am running this country I would make that law on day one.

(I would also not allow stinky people on public trasport.)

Original poster
dilemma456 · 21/04/2009 19:26

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
BouncingTurtle · 21/04/2009 19:26

There are some fucking ignorant people about

You are not AT ALL BU!!! That young man was very UR, and so was those people criticising you. Thank Goodness that lovely gent had some manners!

cheshirekitty · 21/04/2009 19:37

YANBU. Why are people so horrid these days? It would only have taken "sorry, I am a selfish pratt, so you cannot have my seat" from the man in his 20's. No need to give you abuse.

Put your feet up with a bar of choc, and glass of wine!!

Peachy · 21/04/2009 19:43

YANBU, in the slightest

If there is a reason someomne cant offer their seat they can say 'Sorry, but...'. If I ahd ds3 with me I might (as I need tocling to him, he has SN and bolts but you cant tell by looking) but had I not I would have been deeply ashamed for not spotting and offering

You met a tosser, sadly tehy're everywhere but there are more nice people so just hang in there.

ThingOne · 21/04/2009 19:48

Poor you. YANBU at all.

VerityClinch · 21/04/2009 20:00

I have stopped asking people "would you mind if I sat there?" because too, too often they DO mind and they tell you so. So instead I tell them "excuse me, I think you're sitting in my seat". Has worked every time. I know it's rude but I am beyond caring.

I am seven months pregnant, asked a girl in her early twenties (politely) this week if I could have her seat on the tube, and she went "what? why are you asking me?"

I pointed at the "priority seating" sticker behind her and said "because you're in my seat, love".

Job done. She threw me the death stare and sulked the whole of the rest of the journey, mind you.