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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to split the bill evenly

116 replies

BradfordMum · 20/04/2009 14:51

When my meal plus drinks has cost MUCH less than everyone elses?

Tonight there are 15 mums going for a meal.
Last time, my share of the bill was £15, but I ended up paying an extra £9 as the bill was split between all of us.
I don't drink at all, and will have a couple of lemonades whereas the others have wine and other alcoholic drinks like vodka and coke and gin and tonics.

I tried to say that mine was £15, but they said we all should just split the bill.

Not only that, but I am also picking up 5 mums and taking them home this saving them a taxi, as I will be totally sober.

I DO NOT want to appear petty, but it gripes me.

OP posts:
HairyMuff · 20/04/2009 14:53

Before you start off ordering ask if you can split the meal into a drinkers and non drinkers bill. We do this, we split the bill but the drinkers of wine pay more to cover their costs. No one has fell out (yet).

BaDaBing · 20/04/2009 14:54

If it gripes you then I would say don't go as you will look petty.

shonaspurtle · 20/04/2009 14:54

I think it's very bad manners to suggest splitting the bill when one or more people haven't been drinking.

YANBU, I'd always suggest taking a bit off for those who hadn't partaken in the 4 bottles of wine or whatever.

No-one wants to quibble over a couple of quid here or there but it must grate if it happens to you all the time.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:55

Actually as the taxi you should really have your meal/drinks paid for.

wasabipeas · 20/04/2009 14:56

It grates me when people do this - can you imagine how long it would take to pay the bill if everyone insisted on adding up what they owe?
But if you are the only one not drinking, then it is probably fine to say at the START of the meal "I'm not drinking, so do you mind if I pay separately"

Can't you just order the most expensive thing on the menu to make up for the lack of drinks?

BitOfFun · 20/04/2009 14:56

Hmm, I think YANBU. Who is organising it? I would just plonk my money down first, and let the rest of them get on with it. You don't have to get all arsey, just be pleasant but firm.

PistachioLemon · 20/04/2009 14:57

We usually do drinkers/non-drinkers tabs. If everyone else is drinking, why not say at the beginning you'd like to pay for yours separately?

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 20/04/2009 14:58

BaDaBing/Wasabi so you would prefer your friends not to come out if they can't afford to shell out for other peoples wine?

shonaspurtle · 20/04/2009 14:58

That's the thing though, you don't add up every single thing. You just go oh, x and y didn't have any wine so a tenner off for them, split the rest evenly.

I don't think it should have to be up to the person who's not drinking to bring this up.

Simplysally · 20/04/2009 15:01

Maybe you could ask that drinks are paid for at the table at the point of ordering by the drinkers? You won't be popular though as people will have to fumble for change etc plus it might throw the waiters.

wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 15:01

It is rude to expect someone who is not drinking to pay an even share of the bill if it has a lot of alcohol on it, unless, as someone I used to know did, they have ordered several pints of fresh-squeezed orange juice and lemonade (more expensive than a beer) and then proclaim to 'not have been drinking'.

kitbit · 20/04/2009 15:03

It's hard to be fair without looking petty if this happens. Can you have a quiet word with the friend who usually organises the bill beforehand and ask them to pipe up on your behalf? Sort of "that's xx each, but BradfordMum has had much less so hers is xx, which means an extra xx for everyone..." etc?

Agree that as the driver they should really be paying for you but you can't really suggest that, only hope that someone realises!

steamedtreaclesponge · 20/04/2009 15:07

Why not just say beforehand, "I don't want to sound tight, but as I'm on a really tight budget at the moment, is it OK if we pay for our meals separately?"

If they're good friends they'll understand. You should definitely say something before the meal rather than after though, as it can look a bit like you're trying to dodge out of things if you do it at the end IYKWIM...

bubblagirl · 20/04/2009 15:17

i would also say you would like to pay separately and on tight budget what with paying petrol does anyone give you anything towards petrol as it would seem mean that you have to pay for that and extra on top of your meal

i have been caught out like this before and now always say i'd like to pay separately as i budget for my meal and drinks and cant afford to pay for what i haven't had

Original poster
BradfordMum · 20/04/2009 15:24

Some good ideas here.
I will mention it on the way there to the mums Im taking.
Maybe it'll go down better in my own car.
Nobody has ever offered me petrol money, but one mum always offers to buy my first drink when we arrive.

OP posts:
sobanoodle · 20/04/2009 15:27

sorry but what you're all paying for above all is a night out with friends. And either don't offer lifts or don't bring them into the equation.

mrsruffallo · 20/04/2009 15:29

Don't offer lifts if it is not done with an open heart- I am guessing you offered to drive them so why expect money from them?
I think you are being petty

kitbit · 20/04/2009 15:31

Sobanoodle, I'd like to think that if I was one of BM's RL friends I would be absolutely fine with the suggestion that although we're not about to tot it all up to the exact penny, an allowance should be made for those who've had significantly more or less. Unless money is no object, but sadly that's often not the case and I'd rather have someone's company than not.

Blu · 20/04/2009 15:36

Restaurant bills rarely add up to just the price of the food items, though, do they? By the time service charge, cover charge, bread, popadums, pickles or whatever is all added on. So your TRUE share MAY have been more than £15? Or maybe you have allowed for all that too.

I think it is fair enough when people know that people are on budgets that those who don't drink don't have to contribute to huge wine or spirits bills. But if everyone is drinking moderately the difference would probably be much smaller.

Raise it directly, rather than building up resentment.

PuppyMonkey · 20/04/2009 15:41

I would order all the most expensive food on the menu for myself. Split the bill then by all means!

Seriously, you should have yours paid for if you are driving so many people.

MrsMerryHenry · 20/04/2009 15:43

YANBU but you should always make it clear at the outset. Or do what PuppyMonkey says!

MrsMerryHenry · 20/04/2009 15:44

Also you should speak up for yourself more firmly next time - you're a Yorkshire lass, FGS, bolshiness is in the blood! (I say this as an envious soft Southerner)

MrsMerryHenry · 20/04/2009 15:44

You and wonderingwondering should swap notes and take comfort...

bubblagirl · 20/04/2009 15:45

and i dont think its petty at all either regarding the driving whenever even if offered with kindness i will always ask driver if they would like anything towards petrol or i slip them a fiver at end of night its kindness and you shouldnt expect the lifts from someone without offering or maybe thats just the way i was raised

its saving alot of people on cab fare

deckchair · 20/04/2009 15:46

I would say something before you get there - I have paid separately before when out with friends as have only had a limited amount that I could spend. My friends were fine about this and yours should be too.

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