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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to split the bill evenly

116 replies

BradfordMum · 20/04/2009 14:51

When my meal plus drinks has cost MUCH less than everyone elses?

Tonight there are 15 mums going for a meal.
Last time, my share of the bill was £15, but I ended up paying an extra £9 as the bill was split between all of us.
I don't drink at all, and will have a couple of lemonades whereas the others have wine and other alcoholic drinks like vodka and coke and gin and tonics.

I tried to say that mine was £15, but they said we all should just split the bill.

Not only that, but I am also picking up 5 mums and taking them home this saving them a taxi, as I will be totally sober.

I DO NOT want to appear petty, but it gripes me.

OP posts:
edam · 21/04/2009 09:30

I'm a veggie so am always subsidising meat eaters. But hey ho, I go for the pleasure of the company, can't be faffed fiddling around with the bill and possibly irritating my friends.

When the non-drinkers get money off, it'd be nice if there was an equivalent veggie discount but hey ho, I"m not going to start arguing.

(Had terrible time once with very cheap stepmother and her partner at my youngest sister's birthday - they got out a calculator and worked out what they had had to the penny. AND expected us to pay for sister AND her partner which had not been agreed in advance! Tight gits.)

Confuzzeled · 21/04/2009 09:56

I'm pregnant and veggie so at the moment I know how you feel. I've never minded splitting the bill with meat eaters if I've been drinking too (obviously not drinking at the moment).
I've been the taxi on a couple of nights out and nobody has offered me a soft drink or a contribution. I have never been asked to pay for anyone's wine though. Frankly thats just rude and taking advantage.

Ohforfoxsake · 21/04/2009 10:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable, and as designated driver (of sorts) I think its incredibly rude of them not to recognise the situation.

I'd hope that at the end of the meal one of them would suggest you don't pay as much, but if not I'd probably just pay my unfair share otherwise to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

fircone · 21/04/2009 10:14

I would usually never say anything: I don't go out that often and if I haven't got my money's worth, well, that's too bad.

Frankly I HATE people who put in the right amount of money because it never IS the right money. Tip? Service charge? And cheapskates always try to leave first, putting down exactly £6.95 and speeding off before anyone can point out that they actually owe more than this.

nickytwotimes · 21/04/2009 10:15

I always split the bill.

I can't stand the idea of sitting there calculating the cost.

If you feel you are being hard done by then say at the start that you want to pay seperately.

sparkle12mar08 · 21/04/2009 10:45

As a meat-eating drinker who loves and regards my friends dearly, I would be livid on their behalf if someone suggested splitting the bill evenly so that they ended up subsidising my meal! It's wrong to sponge off your friends and that's exactly what's happening to you - I don't understand why anyone would want to take their 'friends' for a ride like that. I just don't.

You need to say right up front next time that as you're not drinking please could they remember that in calculating shares. And seeing as you are likely to be the only sober one would they like you to do the bill anyway?! Alternatively as someone else said, note roughly what you've had, round up to the nearest £5 and just plonk it down saying @I haven't had a drink but there's a bit extra for the tip too' and them leave them to it.

Docbunches · 21/04/2009 11:40

I agree with Fircone. It's really annoying when someone leaves their money to pay their share and then, lo and behold, it's not enough. It's usually the same people who insist they don't believe in tipping.

I only ever go out for meals with very close friends and family and we ALWAYS split the bill give or take, unless someone is treating everyone, as we all roughly eat and drink the same amount. It has never caused problems.

I can remember one or two excruciating hen night experiences (not mine!) in the distant past, where it has led to some extreme unpleasantness with regard to settling the bill - I don't ever want to go there again.

sparkle12mar08 · 21/04/2009 11:48

I must agree though that the key is to esure you cover your share plus service and/or tip, especially in a large group. But I'd still hate for my friends to have to sub my food and drink on a night out.

purplemunkey · 21/04/2009 11:54

I generally beleive in splitting the bill, I always do when I'm out and I remember one occasion where at a birthday meal one of the girls only chucked in a tenner as she said that was all her food cost. I thought that was very rude and everyone thought she was being a bit stingy - esp at a birthday meal!

Howwever, when there are drinkers and non drinkers I think the drinks bill should be split seperately among the drinkers.

I actually had the opposite situation a few weeks ago at a girls night out. We were at one of those bar/restaurant/club type places and three of the five orderedsome food as well as drinks as they hadn't had dinner before they came out.

When the bill came it was a bit awkward when the two of us who hadn't eaten only expected to pay a share of the drinks bill - I did feel a bit stingy I suppose as I'm usually more than happy to just split the bill but I didn't get why I should pay for food when I'd delibrately eaten before I came out.

sarah293 · 21/04/2009 12:06

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shonaspurtle · 21/04/2009 13:22

How do those of you who at those reprobates who skip off having paid less than their share (you're quite right to be annoyed by it imo) square this with splitting the bill equally when there's been less than equal consumption, and therefore have the majority skipping off paying less than their fair share of the bill?

(obv I'm not talking about a couple of £ here and there but the op was talking near a tenner sub to the rest of the group).

onepieceofcremeegg · 21/04/2009 13:29

shona as I mentioned earlier in the thread in the case of me and my dh it has meant there are a couple of people we don't go out with anymore.

On one particular night which we weren't there for, one couple had to put in almost £30 extra due to some so called "friends" rounding the bill down.

I don't know if they just let it go or confronted the so called friends after the event.

shonaspurtle · 21/04/2009 13:58

See, that's just thieving in my book. They wouldn't be so quick to take £30 out of someone's pocket.

Bonneville · 21/04/2009 14:08

Its a no win situation but as a teetotal vegetarian, sometimes my share can come to less than half of others. Its awkward.

funkybuddah · 21/04/2009 14:21

I dont think its petty, i never pay more than what i have order, why shoudl i? i cant believe atht anyone thinks it is petty to not pay for more.

With big groups i usually keep a note of whta i have had and pay that plus tip, i rarley drink when out for dinner so dont have to budget much more

Rachel2796 · 21/04/2009 14:36

I always have the same problem as I don't drink but I must admit I think it's just easier to split the bill evenly as it would take soooo long to work out who had what etc!

There are often ppl in the group who don't have a starter or dessert so this would also mean they owed less...

Unless you are going out for meals every day I would just pay up TBH.

messymissy · 21/04/2009 14:43

I think it unreasonable of the ohter diners to expect to share the bill evenly when its obvious that some will be paying way too much.

i used to be too embarrassed to mention it, but as money is tight, it became an issue if i was paying sometimes 5 or 10 quid over what my meal actually was, left me short the next few days, so i just mentioned it one day. I never have a starter or pudding or drink as I just cant afford it, so I say so now and people are usually ok about it.

What would really piss me off, was the person who would leave early and say here's my share of the bill - thumping down a tenner and then scarpering leaving everyone else to pick up the shortfall.

troutpout · 21/04/2009 14:48

i would expect/think it was good manners for someone to notice that you haven't been drinking and sort it so you pay less.
However it would seem a bit weird/resentful to point this out yourself...so don't think you should say anything.
Other than that, if it really bothers you ...you could stuff yourself silly with extra courses or order a coffee...to get your moneys worth.

messymissy · 21/04/2009 15:08

I dont think it has to be weird / resentful to point it out.

I agree it is good manners for the other diners to notice if someone is likely to pay way ovre the top. Happily, a lot of my friends have mentioned it before i have needed to, saving embarrassment all round. however, i would rather feel a bit embarrassed then worry how i was going to manage to pay for petrol in the car or not be able to pay for playgroup that week.

I always leave a tip by the way.

sleeplessinstretford · 21/04/2009 15:11

jesus if you are close enough to go for a meal with people but begrudge a few quids worth of drink then don't bloody go.
We're skint at the moment-and if i am going for a meal i always say 'i am brassic here so if we're splitting the bill can we go easy on the veuve cliquot' I have also made it clear when people ask us to go out what my budget is-if it's a meal and i really can't afford to go i'll moreoften than not go and have a glass of wine (and a pudding) at the end of the meal and go to the pub with them afterwards. Rather than sitting there with my calculator begrudging every side order...

Bonneville · 21/04/2009 15:28

Sleepless Im sure no-one thinks that its begrudged at all! Its just that so many are counting the pennies these days. It would be sad if someone couldnt go because splitting the bill evenly would take them over their budget.

sarah293 · 21/04/2009 15:39

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GracieGrace · 21/04/2009 15:40

if we go out I always would say " well riven only inhaled salt all night so she onyl pays £5"

does no one say this?

June2009 · 21/04/2009 16:01

YANBU.

I did not know it was common for people to split the bill into drinkers/non-drinkers. I'll definitely be doing that from now on, DH and I rarely drink alcohol out due to being on 24 hour call out for work.

This just reminded me when we went with a few friends to a "sushi/chinese" place a couple of years ago (in the middle of nowhere, extra expensive).

All our friends had the most expensive sushi, Dh and I had a cheap sushi sarter
and then shared a chinese dish + rice.
Both our meals together came to £30 including soft drinks (I only drank tap water, dh had 1 coke) and tip.

We ended up paying £90, argued our case but were told by the sushi eaters/alchohol drinkers "it's easier if we split the bill".
We don't go out with that particular group anymore.

sarah293 · 21/04/2009 16:19

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