To not want to split the bill evenly

[BradfordMum]

When my meal plus drinks has cost MUCH less than everyone elses?

Tonight there are 15 mums going for a meal.
Last time, my share of the bill was £15, but I ended up paying an extra £9 as the bill was split between all of us.
I don't drink at all, and will have a couple of lemonades whereas the others have wine and other alcoholic drinks like vodka and coke and gin and tonics.

I tried to say that mine was £15, but they said we all should just split the bill.

Not only that, but I am also picking up 5 mums and taking them home this saving them a taxi, as I will be totally sober.

I DO NOT want to appear petty, but it gripes me.

YANBU. I hate this. It's blatantly unfair and people always rely on you being all British and not wanting to complain/make a fuss. It's always the heaviest drinkers who are keenest on splitting the bill.

The drinkers/non-drinkers split is the best way to overcome it, usually, but otherwise, as people have said, say pleasantly but firmly at the start of the meal that you will pay separately for your own as...

Re lifts, there it is hard to ask for money without sounding mercenary. They should offer to buy at least one drink out of good manners IMO. I would just not offer to give lifts in future and if asked say 'sorry, I can't this time' without further explanation. Let the penny drop or don't put yourself in the position where you have to do it and resent it.

YABU, it must be annoying as a non drinker than having to subsidise others, but with 15 people there is no way you can start splitting bills our any other way than by the number of people or it would be ridiculous.

You just have to expect that when you go out for a meal thats the way it goes. Perhaps next time, just go for drinks and then that way as the driver its very obvious that you shouldn't be paying for your drinks.

Feel guilty now as a wondrous mumsnetter has ferried me and others a few times, but I mustn't have pressed hard enough to pay for her drinks, or offered her money for petrol as I didn't want to offend her in any way.

Just read the other messages. I'd feel really embarassed trying to press a fiver into someones hands because if I offered a lift I wouldn't expect any cash for it if it was for friends.

YABU. It's hard to say, but I do think as a general point of principle that restaurant bills should be split equally amongst everyone. Some people will invariably spend less than others and some people will invariably spend more.

What about if a carnivore orders a £12 steak and the vegetarian orders a £7 main course? Or one person has starters and desert but one person who's dieting just has a main course? Or one person has a single glass of wine whilst a non-drinker has several fresh orange juices?

The only exception I'd make is if there is a flagrant unfairness, e.g. the drinkers are on champagne or expensive wine, but in my experience that's pretty rare and when that is the case, most people offer to split it up differently anyway.

So, YABU, unless you're willing to get the tab itemised and paid for individually. And the offer of a lift is neither here nor there - those offers should be made (and received) gracefully, not as part of any monetary consideration.

I hate the fact that people think that people who want to pay their share only are 'being petty'.

I HATE splitting the bill, and I think it's a very rude assumption for people to make.

it's always best to make it clear at the begining that you will only be paying for what you eat IMO, specially if you are on a tight budget.

I think this is a 'women only' phenomenon and it does my head in. I refuse to go out with people who whip out the calculator at the end of the night. It doesn't exactly sound like a fun night out if you feel that you have to keep tabs on what everyone else is ordering - do you get pissed off if someone has the fillet steak as well ? If you feel so strongly, speak up at the start of the evening and say that you will only be paying for what you consume and ask for your tab to be kept separately.I wouldn't be a waitress again for love nor money

Last time I was out with mums we just paid for what we had eaten and paid for drivers drinks.. ok there was 4 of so easier to do.

Other occasions when we have gone out in a bigger group, We have split the meal between us but agreed that to go to the bar for drinks. This worked out well too.

im never embarrassed to offer money for petrol if they refuse then hey at least they know i cared enough to offer as taxi to and from would cost me more than that im happy to offer

YANBU, I'm amazed that nobody would step in and add up the cost of your food and drink and then split the rest between everyone else. When I go out with friends we'll usually split it in loads of ways - those that did/didn't have starter, those that did/didn't have dessert, those that did/didn't have some of the wine, those that had wine but no starter, those that had a starter but not dessert. I'd think it incredibly rude to split it any other way. It's not as precise as working out each individual bill but it's fairer than just splitting it down the middle.

Dh and I avoid going out to eat with certain "friends" We ended up in too many awkward positions.

So called friends "rounding down" the prices, e.g. "I had 2 beers at £2 each and a main course at £7 so that's £11 but I've only got a tenner" When actually the main course was £7.99 and he had 3 or 4 beers and has ignored the fact that there was a service charge added on...Oh and he had a coffee too.

I found it really irritating, more than once we put a lot "extra" in. Even with splitting the bill some people refuse to consider a tip regardless of whether a service charge was added on or not. I have had to resort to saying "oh, okay was the service really bad at your end of the table, perhaps we should mention that so they understand why some of us aren't paying the service charge"

I don't know what the answer is. Don't go out with rude people perhaps (that was ime anyway!) I must add that with many other friends/groups of friends there is no problem whatsoever.

I totally understand why you're hacked off. I'm like you, I always drive as I don't drink, end up splitting things with a bunch of people who could drink a brewary dry. I can see the other side of the fence though. Me and DH have been out for dinner a few times with a couple who (I kid you not) calculate to the penny how much they've eaten. Proir to calculators on phones, the woman of this couple would bring out a little credit card calculator to make sure they didn't pay over what they had eaten. They also made loads of excuses to not leave a tip. After having been a waitress, I always tip unless service is terrible.

After that long ramble, I think it's an idea to have a wee chat with the people that are going in the car with you. It's very unfair that they don't give you petrol money because without you, they'd have to drive and not drink or pay for a taxi.

gscrym sounds like we have had similar experiences.

I think the only way of this is to find somewhere witha set menu get everybody to pay in advance then drink only tap water and say at the end my drinks were free so I am not splitting the drinks bill etc

V good solution abigproblem.

yanbu.
I have scraped together money to go out before, drove as i couldnt afford to drink, not had a starter and ordered a cheap main, then at the end someone has said lets just split it to £20ph.
I just handed over my money including a small tip and said thats mine as i havent drunk or had a starter.

I also have been in large groups when couples have ordered champagne, expensive food and paid same as everyone else and they are the ones taking the piss, not you.

Or next time they ask you out just say no as its working out expensive paying towards the alcohol and the extra petrol dropping everyone off.

BradfordMum. I have never witnessed anyone making a fuss over a non-drinker paying less at any meal out I've had with a group of people. When the bill arrives, either the non-drinker(s) or someone who is still sober enough to remember that others have not been drinking, will say "£10 less for BradfordMum!" or whoever, and everyone agrees that this is entirely reasonable and no one turns a hair.

Just assert yourself girl. Will be fine .

I have a friend whos husband routinely orders the best wine (and drinks the most) and most expensive dishes on the menu, then wants the bill split evenly at the end.

He is a food/wine snob and will refuse to go to places he considers beneath his palate such as Pizza Express, if we are just wanting an informal lunch or something.

It is infuriating.

His DW (my friend) is embarassed but believes his claptrap twaddle about twice-reduced sauces etc and says we can't expect him to eat the normal things off the menu because he's so knowledgable and sensitive about food

Because we love her we let it drop.

When I get him on his own I challenge him though because I'm couldn't give a toss about his "sensitive palate".

I'm officially glad all my friends are equally poor and so we pay for what we've had individually. It might seem a faff to some of you lot, but £9 is a lot to by short changed by IMO.

Point out that you haven't been drinking, if they're friends they will make a reasonable adjustment.

YANBU this bugs me too

This is a subject that really bugs me too. YANBU. We(school mums) often go out and the last few times I have been handed the bill to sort out. I do like things to be fair so I tell everyone to remember what they had and then pay to the nearest higher £5. So if someone eats/drinks £12 they would put in £15. It has worked really well and there's always plenty to cover tips,cover charge etc.
It just needs someone to say it clearly at the beginning of the meal. I'm usually the one having the wine/starter/ pudding/full works and I don't expect to be subsidised by everyone else, I'll pay my full whack!

LI think splitting the bill is only fair when eceryone has more or less the same to eat/ drink. I think that non drinkers and veggies should be excluded. I don't like subsidising other people and don't think they should subsidise me.
last time we went out there were a few wohm and sahm, so people had varying budgets and it was suggested that we pre ordered what we wanted off the menu and paid up front for it.
We then paid for our own drinks from the bar.

Saved the hassle on the night and the bad feeling.

Eating out in groups is like the Middle East - there's no solution!

I have had to suck it so many times on group nights out - I only drink beer (ie, not wine) and I rarely have side orders, steak etc and I invariably end up paying roughly double what I actually had.

I know of many people (including my SIL and many stand up comics I have seen) who think that paying for what you had is rude, tight, and borderline sociopathic, none of which I want to appear.

So I only eat out if I know I can easily afford to pay more than what I had. I do enjoy the meal, and the bill is a minor irritation, but it definitely is an irritation.

When I have been in this position - most of the people that have had more expensive items are piissed.

They tend to throw a dish on the table and everyone sticks in their contribution. Someone sober counts and makes sure there is enough to pay the bill. Those that are drunk IME tend to stick notes into teh pot - which is often rounded up - I usually stick in what I think is my fair share and wait. the Pot has never been short (and I would contribute more if it was), I have never been dishonest about doing it. I have paid my fair share and have nothing to feel guilty about as I have paid my fair share - and so has everyone else for that matter - and we are all happy.

Can I also say that I don't think ability to pay really matters. I could buy the whole meal if I wanted to, I just don't really see why I should.

As I said on 't other thread, you don't ask your mates to buy your groceries so why expect them to subsidise your night out.