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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to split the bill evenly

116 replies

BradfordMum · 20/04/2009 14:51

When my meal plus drinks has cost MUCH less than everyone elses?

Tonight there are 15 mums going for a meal.
Last time, my share of the bill was £15, but I ended up paying an extra £9 as the bill was split between all of us.
I don't drink at all, and will have a couple of lemonades whereas the others have wine and other alcoholic drinks like vodka and coke and gin and tonics.

I tried to say that mine was £15, but they said we all should just split the bill.

Not only that, but I am also picking up 5 mums and taking them home this saving them a taxi, as I will be totally sober.

I DO NOT want to appear petty, but it gripes me.

OP posts:
Tortington · 21/04/2009 16:22

at the brighton meet ups we sometimes tell any non alcoholic drinkers to pay less - but -BUT...i have to say that often i think 2 or 3 soft drinks throughout a meal can well add up to more than one persons 'portion' of a bottle of wine between the group.

mayorquimby · 21/04/2009 16:26

i feel your pain. but my gripe is in relation to the fact that i don't tip. so i can either do something i completely disagree with and be pissed off with myself or not tip and then have to go through the same old conversation of "what do you mean you don't tip etc" which really isn't condusive to a nice end to the meal, and isn't really what i want o do or what half the table don't want to hear for the umpteenth time.

sarah293 · 21/04/2009 16:27

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Simplysally · 21/04/2009 16:56

I once argued the toss in a resturant where my share was £18 (I'd had a salad and one lager - pricey resturant in Docklands) but had 'been rounded up' to something like £35 as the bill had been split evenly. I made them re-split the bill to be more representative and was berated by one person as his share then came to £57. I nearly went to settle my share at the till and just go when the conversation stalemated for a while. That resulted in notes being flipped around as well and red faces from a few people.

Mind the next time we went out as a group to eat, the same guy and I managed between us to break the plate the bill was presented on when we went to settle it at the till (we both thought that the other one was holding it and let go simultaneously). We paid up quickly before they added that on as well .

LionstarBigPants · 21/04/2009 17:12

I once went out with some friends, the vast majority of whom were professional men. Then there was me, just into a new junior job (and ergo badly paid) and another friend still at university. This last friend was living on a knife edge budget and chose a cheap meal & drank water. Everyone else was hapily ordering steak, wine and coffee etc. At the end they automatically split the bill and were gobsmacked when I raised an objection. My uni friend was almost in tears thinking her weeks budget was just about to be blown on one meal - they had been totally oblivious to her careful budgeting. We did rework the bill a bit more equitably though.

Being a veggie and very light drinker it does occasionally piss me off if we are out with heavy boozers and the splitting the bill issue comes up - happens less now we have DD and therefore no social life ()

spiralqueen · 21/04/2009 17:13

This thread has given me flashbacks to the worst social evening of my life.

Friends (Couple A) invited me and ex DP plus friends (Couple B) to go out to a casino with them. Couple A notorious for only providing a few nibbles when invited for a meal so both us and couple B ate before going out. Arrived to be told we were going to a pub first. Not a problem. Arrived at pub to find large number of couple A's work colleagues and that we were going with them. Then found out we were having a meal before the casino and that it was someone's birthday.

Got to restaurant and us and couple B were at one end of table, 10 people between us and couple A and the birthday boy at the other end. Everyone else had 3 courses, plus wine whilst we fiddled with water glasses and a starter. At the end of the meal someone we didn't know insisted that the bill was split and that the cost of birthday boy's meal (which included lobster) should equally be shared by everyone else. Couldn't attract couple A's attention and our protest was ignored so we ended up coughing up a stupid amount of money and were wiped out before we even hit the casino.

We and couple B were accosted at the casino by couple A who weren't happy that we weren't participating in the gambling. We pointed out that the whole pub/meal thing had been sprung on us and that we hadn't anything left to spend and more to the point we were leaving. Couple A offered to lend us some money to bet with and couldn't see why we were so hacked off.

Needless to say not seen them since but it's always the people who have loads of money who insist on splitting the bill and never take any notice of what everyone else has or hasn't been eating/drinking.

(Same couple also invited a group of us for a weekend at their parent's house in the country. When we said we wanted to get something as a thank you they insisted on taking £60 per couple off us to buy some furniture that the parents had been thinking of buying). Didn't leave them in charge of travel arrangements after that but the casino took the biscuit.

Nancy66 · 21/04/2009 17:24

It's not unreasonable at all BUT you have to speak up for yourself.

If you don't drink you just end up subbing the boozers. One of the rewards of not drinking should be that you save money.

I've been in this situation and when the bill comes I just say: 'here's twenty quid for my share' and hand over the money so that they know there's no negotiation!

Docbunches · 21/04/2009 17:44

To answer Shonaspurtle's post of 13.22;

I wouldn't mind at all if someone requested to pay less if they have unequal consumption. But, TBH, my friends are all the type of people who wouldn't care if they were subbing others because they drank or ate more, neither would I.

For me, it wouldn't be in the spirit of the occasion to say I'm not happy about splitting the bill evenly because I only had a salad and soft drink or whatever - I just wouldn't do it.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 21/04/2009 18:31

Well Docbunches aren't you fortunate to have friends who can afford to sub each other.

TBM · 21/04/2009 18:39

YANBU, if there is unequal drinking we normally take the cost of alcohol off the bill, split the remainder between everyone then split the alcohol between the drinkers and add that on.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 21/04/2009 18:40

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LizzyIzzyLou · 21/04/2009 18:40

I would rather pay my fair share (I am a drinker BTW) than have someone 'sub' me. I am never comfortable with that and do my best to make sure it doesn't happen

sarah293 · 21/04/2009 18:55

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Docbunches · 21/04/2009 19:50

Librajusticeleagueof,

I meant to the tune of a few pounds occasionally, that's all. I wasn't trying to show off.

As Reality... says, it usually evens out in the end and I'm happy with that.

kettlechip · 21/04/2009 19:54

Riven, agree. Am also veggie and often don't drink, so I dread to think how much I've subsidised over the years. The worst was when I paid £45 for a pizza and diet coke (came to about £12) when eating with a couple who ordered 3 courses with brandies to finish. Never went out with them again.

I've learned though and now never hesitate to order a starter or side dish if I fancy one, or coffee afterwards.

sarah293 · 22/04/2009 08:44

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