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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feel a bit upset, DH is embarrassed by me

98 replies

Sheepishly · 18/04/2009 01:42

I bought my pair of Guinea Pigs a couple of things off ebay. They're undoor pigs and I love them to bits. I know a lot of people don't "get" small animals but I am very, very attached to them.

Anyway the sawdust we were using as bedding was injuring their feet so on the advice of the vet, I bought them some vetbed fleece off ebay to line the cage with. It had pawprints on and when I laid it in, it DID look like a little carpet. I also bought them a little "pet" sofa. It's basically a tiny sofa with little cushions on etc, looks like a real sofa but tiny, rodent sized. I just knew the pigs would love it so I bought them one on the same order to save on delivery.

Anyway when I set it out, the fleece and the sofa DH commented that it looked as though I'd set out a "living room" scene. I just laughed and agreed it did look like that. I went to get a bath and when I came back in the fleece and sofa was gone from the cage. I asked DH why and he snapped that his parents were coming around tomorow and that he doesn't want me showing him up. He then started ranting that his family take the piss enough because of me and he's sick of me making a laughing stock of us I was too shocked to reply and so left the room. He has since apologised and said he didn't mean it but that must have come from somewhere. I can't think I do to show him up but I'm going to feel really self concious now I just feel really upset over it. Maybe I am over-reacting or whatever, I just had no idea he felt that way about me

OP posts:

ninedragons · 18/04/2009 01:47

I'd revel in my spouse's delightful eccentricity if they'd set up a guinea pig living room

If his family are taking the piss out of you and it wasn't just something he said in the heat of the moment, it's horrible.

Tell him to make you a little guinea pig TV out of a mini cereal packet and a photo of Jeremy Paxman from a magazine to make it up for you. And a tiny tiny little remote control.

IneedAbetterNickname · 18/04/2009 01:47

Awww hunny! What a horrible thing to say! I also love my little piggy,although I have never bought him a sofa! I dont really know what else to say, but he shouldn't be embarassed by you, after all he chose to marry you!

EvaLongoria · 18/04/2009 01:48

I dont think you ABU, maybe its best to sit down and talk and ask him exactly what has been said and why?

I just think if it was me I would be truely peeed off. Mostly for the fact that they discussing me behind my back. But its a real horrible thing to say.

Emily3030 · 18/04/2009 01:50

Get a back bone, put the carpet and sofa back in, tell him to fuck off and if his parents take the piss (nastily) tell them to fuck off too. Although I suspect it's just him with an inferiority complex which is making him behave this way.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 18/04/2009 01:58

I'm with ninedragons and Emily. Tell the lot of them to fuck off.

Ok, it's not something I'd do myself, (I am anaphalectic in the presence of cavies) but it's not harming anyone and it gives you (and you piggies) pleasure, what's the harm in it?

brimfull · 18/04/2009 02:01

It is quite funny to have a sofa for your guinea pigs though.

He shouldn't be ashamed of you -you should all just laugh it off as the fun it is.
I mean how serious is a guinea pig sofa.

He needs to stop taking himself so seriously.

Emily3030 · 18/04/2009 02:09

Exactly ggirl, I sense he is the one with the problem here.

I'd tell him calmly and quietly that you bought those things for your pets and you consider it very rude that he felt he had a right to take them out. You could even add that the carpet was bought on the advise of the vet, although you should be able to add a miniature fun fair if you like. He sounds awful to live with...where's his sense of fun?

Emily3030 · 18/04/2009 02:10

Sorry, advice.

ThePlanningCommittee · 18/04/2009 02:13

God Sheepish, what a twat! Like ninedragons said, I would love it if my OH made a tiny cosy living room for our pussycats.

Being kind to animals and looking after them is a beautiful quality - give the little guys back their soft carpet and comfy sofa, and tell that man to just f**k off. And his lame-ass parents too.

Maybe he can have fun with his parents taking the piss out of his own sad lonely reflection in the mirror once you've left him (taking the guineas with you obv.).

steviesgirl · 18/04/2009 02:32

I can see in one way your dh's point. To some people the thought of pet "furniture" seems a bit potty; but for him to see you as an embarrassment is a bit ott.

Sorry, I don't want to sound nasty as well, I guess I'm a typical farmer and not so into humanising animals so much. But if your little buddies' furniture means a lot to you, then what's wrong with that? Each to their own. Your dh shouldn't be so mean.

MaryBS · 18/04/2009 03:09

He is treating you like a child, and that isn't fair. He had no right to remove that stuff - has he put it back? If he is truly sorry he would have returned the stuff? Is he usually like this? Perhaps he is sensitive to what his family are saying, but he loves you too, but he needs to support you, not upset you.

If his family take the piss out of you, I wouldn't want to be there with them, can you take yourself off for the day, let them get on with it?

(and if I'm being completely honest, I'd probably take the mickey if I saw a carpet and sofa in a guinea pig's cage - but I wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings for it)

PadDad · 18/04/2009 06:23

Have no opinion on the guinea pigs' domestic arrangements, but:

"he shouldn't be embarassed by you, after all he chose to marry you!"

What a stupid thing to say. There's not one thing you would change about your partner, then?

DuffyFluckling · 18/04/2009 06:57

Gosh, he's a bit insecure isn't he. Tell him to grow a pair. If his entire self image is damaged by a guineapig sofa he has bigger problems than a slightly dotty wife.

happynewmummy · 18/04/2009 07:31

Poor you! I know what you mean when you say 'it must have come from somewhere'. I would feel exactly the same. The only way you will move on from this is if you talk to him about it when you are both calm. Tell him it really upset/offended you and ask him what he meant by the comment - where did it come from? Communication is probably the key. Otherwise you will be constsantly thinking about this and it will affect your time with your DH and your inlaws too - and that's not fair on you. It seems to be less about the guinea pigs interior design arrangements and more about the deeper connotations of his comment. Good luck!

MrsMagooo · 18/04/2009 07:42

YANBU to be upset by what he said.

He over stepped the mark & tbh what he said was plain cruel - I would talk to him & tell him that he's really hurt you & ask him where this out burst has come from.

Maybe he had a crap day at work & took it out on you - no excuse though to say what he said.

I'm sure there are things about your DH that have on occassion embarrassed you - that's human nature we all get drunk and make an ass of ourselves or have a go on the kids trampoline and fall off whilst wearing a akirt at some time do/say something that will make our partners cringe at the time but hey.

He should start to care less about what others thinks of him & get making you a matching arm chair!

JollyPirate · 18/04/2009 07:55

I am right with Emily3030 here - her first post in this thread was spot on. How dare he be so offensive to you.

I understand the small animal thing as well - with me it's hamsters - very very cute and cuddly.

TheBolter · 18/04/2009 08:03

I agree with all the other posters on this thread. I love the idea of your guinea pig home!

Your dh has insecurity issues and it would be a great shame if you allowed these to hamper your natural instincts.

MarmadukeScarlet · 18/04/2009 08:10

There are many alternatives to woodshavings apart from vetbed.

I have never heard of shavings so sharp they hurt animals feet.

For my buns (chickens and ponies) I use a really soft horse bedding, it is like short lengths of hay like substance - go to your local horse feed store and ask if they have a product similar to Easybed, nedzbed or Hemicore. (sorry, I cannot remember the softest one, will look in the shed later)

SoupDragon · 18/04/2009 08:14

Buying a sofa for your guinea pigs is weird.

MrsMagooo · 18/04/2009 08:30

Clearly there are many people who disgaree with you SD else you wouldn't be able to purchase such a thing.

ickletickle · 18/04/2009 08:34

well i sounds quite rude bu i wonder if there is more to this? i mean do you often buy things like this for the house? my husband tolerates most of my tat but i know there is a line!

fledtoscotland · 18/04/2009 08:37

YANBU - i personally wouldnt dress a cage up like a living room but its personal choice and your DH should respect you enough to be polite.

SoupDragon · 18/04/2009 08:39

There are lots of things you can buy, MrsMagooo, that doesn't mean it's not weird to buy them. A grown adult buying a sofa for guinea pigs is weird and I'm certain that lots of people agree with me.

helsbels4 · 18/04/2009 08:40

I wouldn't be so upset about him removing the guinea stuff (I would have put it straight back in and told him where he could go) but I would be really hurt by him saying that his family laugh at you behind your back.

I would really need to get to the bottom of that, even if he did apologise.

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/04/2009 08:40

This reply has been deleted

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