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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ok I know I'm not but I was so amazed at this woman in Asda...

141 replies

Wilkiepedia · 16/04/2009 19:25

Cute little 3 year old girl with v rough looking mother (sorry but she was).

Little girl chatting away to mum, mum turns to her and says 'If you don't stop talking in that stupid voice I'm going to twat you over the head so hard that you talk like that forever and will be drinking your food through a straw...'

WTF has that little girls future got to hold?

Sorry but I was so saddened and shocked I felt I had to share. Poor little girl

OP posts:

verygreenlawn · 17/04/2009 17:09

I wonder if there is a different way of approaching it when you think someone just looks stressed/unable to cope rather than just outright aggressive? Is everything OK, can I help, rather than seeming hostile?

I know I've often thought back to the little boy I saw and wished I'd said something, even just in the hope that HE (the boy) might remember and realise - this isn't normal behaviour for a parent?

A couple of years ago I saw another 4 year old just wandering around along a main road -too young to tell me where he lived or even his name. I flagged down a passing police car, imagining frantic parents and a boy reported missing. The police told me later he'd been out on his own for at least 2 hours - the parents were furious with me and the police for "interfering in their lives". I asked if there would be any comeback for the parents and the police said no. No report to school, health visitor, social services? No.

Stercus I've also lost a child and agree - there will always be people who don't understand how incredibly lucky they are to be entrusted with the care of a child

MuffinBaker · 17/04/2009 18:31

PND may explain shouts and some mean things but not some of what has been heard and posted on this thread.

sheepgomeep · 17/04/2009 20:02

morris- probably if someone had said something to my mum she that person would have had a load of abuse from her and worse.

thing is she had already put my two older brothers into care because she couldnt and didn't want to cope and she took out her anger, illness etc on the child that was left- me.

she has mellowed a lot now but can still have her moments.

greensleeves i also used to look at people and wonder if they knew. I used to escape into my own little fantasy world a lot to cope with it all.

this thread has dragged up quite a lot of unpleasant memories for me that I thought id forgotten

Jajas · 17/04/2009 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 17/04/2009 20:46

I agree that talking to a parent is only likely to anger them and end up with you getting a mouthful yourself.

someone I know talks to the child if she ever witnesses something like this.
I remember one time she saw a child being hit when she was out and she just went over, bent down and said to him
"i want you to know that it is NEVER ok for someone to hit you"

when the parent started to mouth off she just said "i wasn't talking to you" and walked away.

ActivityApple · 17/04/2009 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MuffinBaker · 17/04/2009 20:58

I am so going to use that next time.

I have stepped in and it turned out fine but what thisisyesterday's friend said inspired.

MuffinBaker · 17/04/2009 20:58

is inspired

Arcadie · 17/04/2009 22:31

Man - I want to go upstairs, wake my 2 kids ( who've taken a record 2 hours to fall asleep) and hug them and not let go. Cannot believe what some people will put their kids through.

Thisisyesterday - I like the idea of talking to the child themselves.

All of you inspire me not to quietly judge, but loudly do something. Thank you.

Dillydaydreamer · 17/04/2009 22:44

Thats so . I always feel when I hear parents using foul language with children as well. How is the poor girl going to develop a good self esteem with a bitch mother? like that

StercusAccidit · 17/04/2009 23:11

VGL by 'lost' i dont mean died thank god i have never been through that terrible experience.. my DD was taken into care not for something to do with me or my parenting i might add, but it opened my eyes i can tell you and i appreciate and love my children all the more for my own experience.

I have allowed them to see and hear and experience things they shouldn't and am suitably ashamed.. but my kids know i love them and will do whatever it takes to protect them, even if it takes a while for me to click

As i said IMO they are a GIFT.. and i have a belief that childrens souls do choose their own parents, daft i guess, but they are given to us to light up our lives and we should do the same for them, as i also said, the closest we get to heaven on earth, a childs innocence, a childs smile, their tiny hand in yours, and their love.

I am NOT a saint, i have stropped at DS1 and trust me, he knows because i am an adult does not make me right, it doesnt make me perfect, and does not render me unable to apologise for any wrongs i have done.
But i know when he grows up he will love and respect his own kids, 'tis the least i could do for him.

verygreenlawn · 17/04/2009 23:15

That's really sad, Stercus

steviesgirl · 17/04/2009 23:52

I remember on numerous occasions as a kid and young adult being told by my father to "shut your face". We weren't allowed to disagree with his opinions. If we did we were verbally abused. Another favourite name for us is we argued/disagreed with him was "electric lips". These are just a few of the evil things he said to us. And they NEVER leave you.

screamingabdab · 18/04/2009 21:31

I asked way back about why many (most?) of us don't intervene and I am still not clear that it makes any sense why we don't, given that many of us would if we saw an animal being abused.

There is a terrible sense of feeling powerless to change anything for that child in the long run. The best we feel we can do is to go home and make sure that we don't treat our own children the same way.

But if we feel powerless, where does that leave that poor child?

To those of you who were abused as children - if you don't mind me asking - would you say/do anything to the mum in the Asda situation? If so, what?

I would really like to be a person who stands up more for children, because in my heart I think that if you don't, then in a way you are condoning it happening.

MuffinBaker · 19/04/2009 17:13

While shopping a child of about 4-5 fell over. Mum shouted to tell her to look where she was going in an awful tone. I walked on but looked back to listen as I felt uneasy and this thread was in my head. The mum then asked her what was wrong and if she was tired, and I felt more reassured that she wa going to handle things better.

It is difficult to step in if it seems a borderline unpleasantness.

Dillydaydreamer · 19/04/2009 19:27

There is definately a difference between a heated one off nasty comment and prolongued abuse thats a regular occurence.
The words in the op and vulgarness didn't sound off the cuff but something she was well practiced at saying.
I think all children at some point will be told to shush, stop behaving like a brat (including my 3yo today) but the way it is said and reasons make the difference.
I had parents who said they would send me to boarding school or put me in a home when I was naughty (they never would have done and I knew this even then, so it didn't help to change my behaviour). My dad called me 'Miss Shit' on one occasion when I was 16.
My mum repeatedly called me a 'bloody pickle bum' as I was quite old before I stopped bedwetting (not helped by fearing the response from my mother when I did.)
It was abusive but it was born from frustration that I can now understand having similar problems with dd1 (although she is only 3 so not a big issue, I can see how it would be if it carried on until 12yrs)

All you can do is be the best parent you can be. I know that I would intervene if a parent was smacking a child infront of me but the lines are not black and white with verbal abuse. I think what the woman said in the op was bang out of order- not particularly the silly voice bit but in the threat she made after.

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