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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok I know I'm not but I was so amazed at this woman in Asda...

141 replies

Wilkiepedia · 16/04/2009 19:25

Cute little 3 year old girl with v rough looking mother (sorry but she was).

Little girl chatting away to mum, mum turns to her and says 'If you don't stop talking in that stupid voice I'm going to twat you over the head so hard that you talk like that forever and will be drinking your food through a straw...'

WTF has that little girls future got to hold?

Sorry but I was so saddened and shocked I felt I had to share. Poor little girl

OP posts:
KAT1979 · 17/04/2009 07:57

i was im morrisons a few weeks ago and my mum came across a woman with two toddlers messeng the trolley seats and the smallest one nearly fell out.my mum had ti stop them but when their mum came back she kicked off at my mum.later on near the tills i saw a little boy.maybe 2yrs wandering on his own.my mum said this was one of the boys from the trolley.we knew then there was no point saying anything so just ushered him back.she didnt even notice he had gone.....or come back!the thing that really worried me was that i could have picked him up walked out and nobody would have known any different.

MuffinBaker · 17/04/2009 07:58

In Tesco I saw a child of about 3-4 with a plastic carrier bag over her head. Mum was oblivious. Split second to think and then I just pulled it off her head. Figured I would rathrer risk a mouthful from mum than a dead child in front of me.

Natt82 · 17/04/2009 08:24

Dont always judge a book by its cover.

I can usually be very calm with my kids, but in Asda (yes Asda) the other week my 2yo pushed every button. Every thing a 2yo could do he did, ending in him sneaking past me at the checkout (my 1yo was in the single seated trolley) and pegging it to almost the front entrance. Luckily someone caught him but I have never been so angry or so scared in my life and I did shout at him. I gripped him by the top of the arms and sternly shouted, whilst almost being in tears and feeling every single eye in there judge me.

On the way to the toilet a mum grabbed me, and I thought she was going to have a go at the way I had treated my DS so i turned ready to spout venom at her (it had been a really bad day) only for her to give me a hug, tell me that everyone has a bad day and that my children looked happy and healthy and I wasnt actually doing that bad a job and to treat myself to a coffee. I promptly burst into tears.

So YABU, a mum (whatever she looks like) shouting at her child could have so many different reasons. Yes, its not ideal - but you havent seen the half of what her day is like and this post could have quite easily been about me a month back. We're not all perfect.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 17/04/2009 08:37

You have to say something, at least then the child gets the message that their parent might not be right and that someone cares.

I hear people having a go at their kids sometimes and I usually try and wink or smile at the kid

Not that it helps much but you know...they have to have something to cling to.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 17/04/2009 08:38

And Asda IS full of nasty parents, you can't deny it - we shop there sometimes, but usually there's someone shouting at their kid.

It doesn't mean everyone who goes there is a f*ckwit Mamadiva - but you gotta admit there are a few

QOD · 17/04/2009 08:42

I often tell my daughter she's going into care, I told her and her cousin once "right that's it! I'm calling social services" - when I was at the till in Sainsburys - the lady on the till nearly fell off her chair.
The girls giggled like loons because it's a family joke (yeah I know - they KNOW it's a jokey way of saying STOP AND CALM DOWN)

susie100 · 17/04/2009 08:42

Seriously this is why I stopped going to Asda (apart from the fact the food goes off and smells after 2 days). After witnessing one three year old being told to F off and another being told she was a Cunt I stopped going.

QuantitativeMeasure · 17/04/2009 08:45

I stopped shopping in Asda because the food was shit. Nothing to do with Child abuse.

have seen a fair amount of 'harrassed' parents in Sainsburys and Tescos.

Do not frequent Waitrose, I know some other mothers who shop there, and if its full of women like them- then give me a shop full of screaming fishwives any day.

mamadiva · 17/04/2009 08:47

Hate to burst your little bubble people but I saw a kid actually being thrown into a shelving unit in Sainsubry's when I was about 12 my mum told me to run and get a security guard whilst she made sure the boy was okay and whilst doing so pissed off the mum quite a bit!

I don't get how you ca stereotype people by where they shop.

Oh well am off to shout like a mad woman at my child since I am making toast with ASDA bread, must be scum might as well live up to the fact eh?

QuantitativeMeasure · 17/04/2009 08:49

I didnt find Asda much cheaper (the fresh food though was really bad).

I go to Morrisons now, much better value for money.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 17/04/2009 08:59

Mamadiva, why are you so personally affronted by this? Lots of us shop at Asda, I don't for a moment consider that people are talking about me when they describe the people there...because I don't behave like that and neither do many of my friends who also shop there.

Yes of sourse Sainsbos contains a rough element from time to time but there are more nobbos at Asda.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing or just where ours is located.

Please stop being so upset by it.

louii · 17/04/2009 09:05

The sainsbo's where i live is in a really rough town, the Asda's is not. I would rather shop in Asda.

ButtercupWafflehead · 17/04/2009 09:05

Natt82

I think we all appreciate that everyone has a bad day, and we've all been there.

However, if your bad day descends to verbally abusing a child, i.e. actually using swear words to describe them in front of all and sundry, then IMO things have gone too far.

TheProvincialLady · 17/04/2009 09:09

Shall I tell you the only difference between an abusive parent who shops at Asda and one who shops at Waitrose? The one who shops at Waitrose is more likely to put up a respectable, good parent public front for the sake of Keeping Up Appearances. Mamadiva I can see why you are offended but none of this is aimed at you or the ordinary folk who shop at Asda.

ilovesprouts · 17/04/2009 09:13

omg ffs why is every one moaning bout supermarkets where ever you go u get mums/dads shouting at there kids

CountessPhoenix4725 · 17/04/2009 09:13

I shop at Asda, and have been known when absolutley pushed to tell my kids enough and put a sock in it,or shoutsay calmly that is enough

And people that choose not to shop in Asda because hey might meet wrongkinda people oh well. note not those that choose not to shop there for other reasons

andno my children are not called sharon,tracey,mia oh and no we are chavs , mind were not posh either

I dont shop at sainsburys as can afford there prices nothing to do with better class of people, they just probably wait till they get home to yell,slap ,smack child

Natt82 · 17/04/2009 09:13

But the original thread didnt have the mum swearing at the child or describing them in swear words - ok, it was more threatening than I would ever use, but it wasnt swearing.

Think my high parenting point has to be shouting at said DS that if he didnt stop whinging I would give him something to whinge about - or that if he didnt stop hitting his baby brother I'd hit him. Amazing what can come out of someones mouth when pushed to the limits.

But I console myself that I am not like my friend's SIL - the one who makes their DDs wear their wet/soiled pants on their heads, calls them C**s on a daily basis and was proud when 1st DD at 18mo could say "Mummy I have a shitty nappy, come and change my dirty little minge" - I was so shocked I walked out.

StercusAccidit · 17/04/2009 09:14

I once saw a child in the merry hill centre being dragged by her mother by the HAIR

I was heavily PG with DS1 so this is like 12 years ago, but i stomped over in a rage, grabbed 'mothers' hair and dragged her round saying 'how does it feel to have someone bigger than you dragging YOU by the hair?'

I am not proud of it though it prob upset the little girl more but i was young and misguided

However nowadays i wouldn't wince at going to give them a mouthful...

But then i am 6ft 3 so i doubt they would have a go back.. some people are afraid to intervene because of what the result may be, and maybe a worse time for the child from the parent who believes if the child hadnt been 'naughty' then another adult wouldnt have come over having a go.

No we're not all perfect, but IMO some people need to be assessed and granted a licence to have kids.

Natt82 · 17/04/2009 09:16

Oh, and IMO those that dont shout/lose it in public are the ones to worry about.

My father was a youth club leader, school governer, well respected, never did any "asda moments". Didnt stop him beating the hell out of his nine year old DD at home though did it? What happens behind closed doors and all that.

Maybe him shouting at me in public like this OP saw would have stopped him feeling the need to take his anger out on me and my mum in his own house?

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 17/04/2009 09:17

I wonder which is worse...the 'type' of people that shop in Asda and yell at their children in public, or the ones that act respectably in public and save their poisonous outpourings for the privacy of their own home?

There are 'bad parents' from every walk of life. I am friends with an adult pychologist(SP) and he says he sees more people from the latter goup who have been screwed up by parents who seemingly did the right thing but turned homelife into a private living nightmare than from lower class poor backgrounds.

It is wrong, wrong, wrong to ever speak to a child in a way that is demeaning or demoralising, where-ever you are. The sad thing about parenting is that our own upbringing and social circumstances is often reflected in our own parenting and whichever walk of life you came from, it is a wise person that recognises they are getting it wrong and making changes.

There is NO excuse for talking to a child as described in the OP, but if she WAS rough, give her support, a better income, a glimmer of hope that the future holds something positive for her, someone that cares for her and something to bring back her SELF respect and maybe, just maybe, she will become a better person, and therefore a better mother for it.

everGreensleeves · 17/04/2009 09:17

jesus Natt [shock

MuppetsMuggle · 17/04/2009 09:21

I think what that person said to her child was shocking - but i don't think i would of said anything tbh.

I shop in ASDA but would never talk to my DD like that, and I don't think I'm that bad of a person.

CountessPhoenix4725 · 17/04/2009 09:21

Natt82
think I would walke dout if herd friends speak like that to there kids .And yes what goes on behind closed doors yet in public they are all nice and cosy , kinda fur coats no knickers job

Ok op was over top i agree ,i would winced at words to , and yes some parents do need pulling up

greenelephant · 17/04/2009 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MIAonline · 17/04/2009 09:25

Natt82, Am for what you had to endure, but although it is emotional abuse, that little girl will end up with the same feelings that you probably feel now.

Those of you that say you have been there and not judge, you are projecting your guilt at having shouted at your DC which says that you feel bad for jst shouting, This woman didn't shout but the words she used don't sound like the kind if off the cuff frustration
'If you don't stop talking in that stupid voice I'm going to twat you over the head so hard that you talk like that forever and will be drinking your food through a straw...'

What 3 year old should ever have to listen to that?