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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that encouraging your daughter to learn ballet is cruel

506 replies

morningpaper · 16/04/2009 13:07

Because BASICALLY, ballet is all about body image and is a money-making racket to boot (silly costumes and unecessary shoes).

There just AREN'T curvy ballerinas. You have to have the perfect body - thin, willowy and in perfect proportion. I well remember when my 11 year-old best mate was rejected from the Royal Ballet School because her 'shoulders were too wide'. She cried for weeks. Ballet had been her life.

Basically, they either get sick of it themselves, or they stop because they realise that their BODIES ARE IMPERFECT. Either way, the time could be better used doing some sort of more useful modern dance that you can learn in £1.99 Asda trainers which isn't dependent on having a perfect body.

Please take your daughters to something more useful instead.

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 16/04/2009 15:03

can I just ask where you have seen fluffy pink ballet dancers in adult form, cos apart from swan lake, I don;t think they do the fluffy pink thing do they???

and my girls haven;t gone into it to be a fluffy pink thing. yes they like dressing up in tutus, but then, so do all the teens at the moment at clubs etc.

tutus are not the sole province of ballet anymore!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 16/04/2009 15:04

I just went back to look at greensleeves post due to psycho's comment.

I found the part "pretty little plastic figure in a musical box" as being a description of a ballerina very interesting.

Maybe different people's reactions are due to how the view the activity and the people taking part in it.

When I think of a ballerina I think of someone as strong as an ox, incredibly fit, determined, able to perform incredible physical feats. I don't even think about "pretty" or what they might be wearing.

Are people as opposed to modern ballet ie not tutus?

To put down someone who has trained all their life to do something so very hard is pretty off. I don't see people saying the same about people who excel at other highly physical activites.

smallorange · 16/04/2009 15:04

Morningpaper - I don't see it as pink fluffy skipping about (although many dancing schools seem to wholeheartedly encourage this crap.)

When you see a ballet and the sheer physical skill and beauty of the dancing, and the music, it's something worth aspiring to. The same as gymnastics, or football or athletics.

But I'm fortunate that my DD's dance teacher is very sensible and the children don't even have to have ballet shoes at pre-school level.

cory · 16/04/2009 15:04

morningpaper on Thu 16-Apr-09 15:00:22
"I think the culture of ballet is bloody awful to be honest, so yes I think it's crap for anyone, but particularly crap for girls because aspiriring to be a pink fluffy thin wafty thing is not great imo"

I have never come across this attitude at ballet school

sorry, but as I said, dd's ballet teacher is a size 18 or thereabouts; she gets respect because she is good at her job

and the uniform is not even pink

surely most professional ballet shows these days are neither pink nor fluffy anyway?

francagoestohollywood · 16/04/2009 15:04

Dancing, using your body to show your emotions etc is marvellous, I believe.

Equally, I also feel that there is something cliche about little girls doing ballet classes. It probably depends on the place, the teachers, the parents, the child.

lockets · 16/04/2009 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 16/04/2009 15:06

What seems to be forgotten is that the vast majority of ballet is small children who want to prance about like a fairy. Very few aspire to be Darcey Bussell and most have given it up in favour of something else by the time they get to, oh I don't know, 9.

It's cruel to force your child to do/not do something they enjoy. It's cruel to push them into doing something they have no talent for rather than steering them onto something else (I rather suspect that's why I got sent to "acrobatics" rather than ballet but that's not how I remember it). It's cruel (apparently) to shut your chlidren in the underground airaid shelter even if they are driving you mad with their bickering. It's not cruel to let them do something they enjoy.

MarmadukeScarlet · 16/04/2009 15:06

It's the blonde curly wigs that scare me, now those are sinister.

psychomum5 · 16/04/2009 15:06

and actually.

I think you are crule for saying no to your girls who are begging to go to ballet.

think of the issues they are going to grom up with now.....

and think of the grandchildren you will be forced to watch doing ballet shows, as your girls will ensure that thier children gets opportunities denied to them by their frumpy (your words BTW) mother!!

smallorange · 16/04/2009 15:06

Absolutely Franca - I know of some ballet schools where the parents pay £60 for the hire of a costume.

Our dance teacher makes them herself.

psychomum5 · 16/04/2009 15:07

cruel even.

FFS at myself......I get mildly ranty and stop being able to type!

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 15:07

Are you sure about that air raid shelter thing Soupy? Or is that some nonsense you heard from Claire Byam-Cook or somesuch?

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 16/04/2009 15:07

dd1's first ballet teacher was at least a size 20.
not heard body image raised in 6 years and four dance schools.

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 15:08

Dont' worry I am depriving them of loads of other stuff too, it's not just ballet

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/04/2009 15:08
Cammelia · 16/04/2009 15:08

For the exams, dd also had to learn and be tested on the French terms used in ballet - so it helped to consolidate the French she was/is learning at school - also helped with her musical ear as she plays piano, violin and sings.

mileniwmffalcon · 16/04/2009 15:09

thanks for that thoughtful post marmaduke, i appreciate you taking the time to explain. i can fully relate to the demotivating experience of being rubbish at sport at school and i understand and share the fervent wish to give your kids - girls especially - a positive sense of what their body is capable of beyond how it looks.

perhaps knowing that dd1 has inherited the same sturdy body type i had as a child has made me more firm in my desire not to put her in a ballet environment (although thankfully she's never even mentioned even a passing interest in it) for fear of exactly the kind of loss of confidence you spoke of. she does gym at the moment and so far appears oblivious to or at least unphased by the fact that she is at the less able end of the spectrum. she also does a "modern" dance class and she's on a par with her peers there and loves it too.

i do think i would have fewer concerns if there wasn't such wild variation in types of ballet class. i don't think the ballet mums can argue that some classes conform to all the stereotypes and more, and finding a more relaxed/accepting one isn't always easy. i know our local one is definitely on the stricter end of the spectrum and friends have left for that reason.

cory · 16/04/2009 15:09

ah Marmaduke, I have wonderful photographs of the dc's greatgranddad's in the blonde curly whig as Widow Twanky and various other pantomime dames. And greatgrandma as Dick Whittington's cat. Am planning to frame them and stick them next to the photos of my own highly respectable and Victorian ancestors.

francagoestohollywood · 16/04/2009 15:10

Guadalupe, I'm known in the family as having "the grace of an elephant" . 5 yrs of ballet classes didn't help much , it seems.

Original poster
morningpaper · 16/04/2009 15:10

Cammelia can I snigger at your DD doing French, piano, violin, singing AND ballet?

OP posts:
Simplysally · 16/04/2009 15:11

My first ballet teacher was about 400 quite elderly with varicose veins. She used to get an older girl to demo the moves for new starters as she certainly didn't wear a leotard herself. Oddly enough when she retired and we had the stereotypical dance teacher in leotard/leggings, I couldn't wait to leave as we totally failed to hit it off. She was only about 5 or 6 years old than me .

cory · 16/04/2009 15:12

If it is wrong for little girls to be doing ballet because you suspect that it's only a fluffy little girl thing that they do because they are expected to behave like little girls- should I then cancel my ds's football lessons?

He quite enjoys them, but I strongly suspect it is mainly about wanting to conform to his mates and that he has no genuine interest in getting good at the game. Sounds a bit pink and fluffy, doesn't it? Should I intervene?

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 15:12

i don't think the ballet mums can argue that some classes conform to all the stereotypes and more, and finding a more relaxed/accepting one isn't always easy. i know our local one is definitely on the stricter end of the spectrum and friends have left for that reason.

I was very picky when choosing a dance school for dd.

However it is the same in sport. Footie teams for example, some can be truly awful, over ceompetitive nasty kids and their pushy parents on the sidelines, others can be great fun, he;ing to buuild skills to the best of individuals ability.

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 15:12

The first bit was a quote

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 15:14

Most primary kids do either French or Spanish these days MP.