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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to limit contact with ILs after weekend accident?

121 replies

cozzie · 16/04/2009 08:59

Whilst out with my ILs my 2 year old son fell into an artificial lake. My FIL had to dive in to fish him out. My DS was OK but soaked through. Moreover they seemed to think the whole incident was funny and made jokes about it. I find this sick. I want to cancel future visits for the moment as I don't trust them with my son's safety. My DH thinks I am overreacting.

OP posts:

blouseenthusiast · 16/04/2009 14:12

Does it say somewhere on this thread how deep this lake is? that would hugely affect my own risk assessment as to whether a child this age should have been near it. If very deep or murky, there is a much greater chance that an attempt to recover the child quickly enough could fail. I would want to discuss seriously with the ILs what I considered to be safe activities with my children and I would want reassurance that they would act on my concerns before letting ILs have sole charge of the children.

Sassybeast · 16/04/2009 14:39

YANBU to be pissed off and want to make sure that it NEVER happens again, or anything remotely similar. FFS toddlers and water - lethal combination and the fact that they were not close enough to him to stop him falling in would piss me right off. And they LAUGHED ? I'd be making it very clear to them that they won't be taking him anywhere on their own. My MIL (now estranged) thought it was acceptable to have her bloody evil rottweiler jumping around growling at DD. Some people just don't think.

FannyWaglour · 16/04/2009 14:44

We had a really deep pond. And 2 little boisterous boys grew up around it, learning to stay away from it. They have never fallen into it. We had taken precautions though, and access to it wasnt easy

jack99 · 16/04/2009 14:50

Yes, I agree Fanny - education is the best way to keep kids safe

Sassybeast · 16/04/2009 15:49

Jack 99 what a load of bollocks - sorry but that has REALLY made me LOL. The best way to keep kids safe is to keep an eye on them, assess the potential dangers and make sure you take responsibility. But hey - if your idea of keeping a toddler safe is to 'educate' them good luck to you I'm sure social services would pat you on the back when your toddler falls under the wheels of a car because the little bugger didn't listen to you 'educating' him.

islandofsodor · 16/04/2009 15:58

My mum dived into a swimming pool not to long ago to retrieve ds whose armbands had come off.

We di laugh about it and I am glad that her reactions were quick (fact she is an ex competitive swimmer and lifesaver trained helped of course.

Dd still aughts about the fact Nanna dived in in her slippes.

So yes YABU. Children can lurch forwards with little notice and your should be thankful your fil's reaction was quick enough. I am a bit afriad of water and would like to think I would have done the same but who can tell, would I have panicked.

orangehead · 16/04/2009 15:58

I think it would depend on why it happened. If it was because the were being careless and not supervising then I think you are right to have concerns. If it was a accident, it really can happen to anyone. Sometimes people see the funny side to things as a coping mechanism. I often do myself. I hope you ok it must of been a shock

jack99 · 16/04/2009 16:09

Sassy - I bet your language is quite an education to your kids.

Yes, you carry on wrapping your kids in cotton wool and avoid walking near puddles in case they fall face down and drown. Then you will wonder why they reach the age of 20 without being able to cross the road by themselves.

Of course you watch toddlers. That does not mean you stop them walking around just in case they fall over! How can they learn any sense if you never let them do anything?

By the way, my two dcs are now well past toddler stage and have never been near a&e. I spent a lot of time nagging them and drumming into them the safe way of doing things and they do eventually get it.

Though I am not sure why I have dignified your extremely abusive post with any sort of response. Perhaps I am feeling charitable today.....

WildSeahorses · 16/04/2009 16:16

I don't think YABU. As the mother, you have the right to decide what is or isn't safe for your child. Regardless of whatever anyone else thinks about your rules, they should adhere to them anyway whan looking after your child. NOT break the rules and subsequently tell you to stop making a fuss when thing DO go wrong...

I do think that some parents can be a bit overprotective [not aimed at the OP or anyone in particular] and I agree that too much mollycoddling isn't beneficial for children but if this is the case then people should SAY something, not just do what THEY think is appropriate anyway...

cherryblossoms · 16/04/2009 16:17

cozzle and sassybeast - It does happen, even with extremely responsible, loving and hands-on adults.

Ds fell into a pond while with dh and in-laws. It was an accident, ie. one of those slightly unexpected, unpredictable events. The point was, they were all responsible enough to be close by and fish him out quickly.

I don't think it's possible to eliminate the unexpected and surprising; you can limit a lot of it but not everything, you can also be on hand and practical in dealing with it when it arises.

Unless your in-laws are, in other respects, questionable persons, I would cut them some slack here.

Sassybeast · 16/04/2009 16:29

Jack99 - you think 'bollocks' is extremely abusive ? And who has been wrapped in cotton wool There is a world of difference between kids tumbling off a swing, stumbling in the garden or swigging from a random bottle of olive oil (and all 3 have happened to mine) and leaving a toddler to fall into a pond requiring an ADULT to jump in and fish him out. I've witnessed 1 3 year old being scraped out from below the wheels of a car (not mine thank God) outside school and it was only a matter of time before it happened because the kid was allowed to run freely. Absolutely educate them to the dangers of cars, water etc but to say that it's the most important thing IS bollocks and is an absolution of your responsibilities as a parent/grand parent/carer.

DandyLioness · 16/04/2009 17:08

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DandyLioness · 16/04/2009 17:10

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jack99 · 16/04/2009 18:07

Isn't part of the problem that the child had not been near the pond EVER! Why hadn't he been taken to the pond while having hand held so he could get used to how to behave near water?

My point to the OP was that it was a shame her ds was only allowed to feed the ducks while strapped in a pushchair - how about letting him stand on his feet (with hand held) and take part in the feeding? That's a world away from no supervision whatsoever!

Where did I say don't supervise your children??? My point is that educating your kids about safety IS the most important thing because until you do that they will NEVER be safe! Supervise as much as you like, kids will find a way to get away from you. Have you even read the posts on here from people saying their kids managed to fall in ponds even when their hands were being held?

Start showing your kids how to keep safe from birth while supervising them until they get it. That's the only way to keep them safe.

And how did we get onto kids being run over by cars? Different situation altogether.

jack99 · 16/04/2009 18:10

Sassy, sweety, wasn't the colourful Anglo Saxon I particularly object to, its your hysterical spouting off about social services and car accidents. Do get a grip.

But I guess your kids will be getting a wonderful grounding in early Anglo Saxon.

nowwearefour · 16/04/2009 18:11

isnt there a difference between letting them be in sole control if you arent happy and limiting contact? cant you always be tehre too til you are satisfied you can trust them again? it must eb abit scary to think 'what if' though it could happen to any of us with a 2 yr old i would imagine. you only have to sneeze and they could be gone if not strapped into something...(whih i agree they shouldnt be all the time or they wont learn to control themselves and to be safe...)

ChippingIn · 17/04/2009 00:09

OP - I think YANBU to be upset at not being told what actually happened, but YABU to consider restricting them having him because of the fall (but NU if it's because of their attitude!!).

It was an accident, he fell into a lake, your FIL jumped in and got him out. Not ideal, but not life threatening, in any way.

I think some of the posts here have been highly emotive.

He did not nearly drown, he fell in and was hauled out straight away - HUGE difference.

The concept that children shouldn't be near a lake is one I haven't come across before... anyone want to explain why exactly??

Sassybeast · 17/04/2009 11:36

Jack 99 - got to hand it to you - you ARE the queen of patronising, condescending bollocks Got an acceptance speech ?

traceybath · 17/04/2009 11:50

I agree with edam. yanbu - i'd have been annoyed at the laughter and dismissive attitude particularly.

I guess though its a cumulative thing - i worry about mil and my dc's as she unfortunately has rheumathoid arthritis and struggles to hold onto things. However she's always trying to pick youngest up between her wrists which makes me very nervous as he's 15 months, heavy and wriggly.

Of course accidents happen but its whether you think it was an accident or perhaps carelessness on their part.

valleysprincess · 17/04/2009 12:37

I think YABU.
IL's were close enough to pull the child out quickly. Accidents happen. How has LO reacted to the accident?

jack99 · 17/04/2009 13:51

I learnt it all from you, Sass

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