Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

at objecting at dp wanting me to pretend to be alcoholic (a hereditary illness)?

94 replies

Kirkers · 11/04/2009 21:15

I need to be quite clear that he is 100% sure that I am not, although it is a difficult thing to deny because that is taken as confirmation. He goes to al anon and has used it for support through his divorce. He still wants to go and when i point out that this is quite offensive to me, he wants me pretend I have an alcohol problem. At wit's end. I would almost find it easier if he wasn't convinced that I'm not. Wouldn't this mean I would suffer from Munchausen's?

OP posts:
MrsMerryBunnyGirlHenry · 11/04/2009 21:16

I don't quite understand - why does he want you to pretend you have an alcohol problem?

SmallShips · 11/04/2009 21:17

What MrsMerry said.

thisisyesterday · 11/04/2009 21:18

sorry, i don't quite get it.
HE enjoyes going to al anon, and wants you to pretend you have an alcohol problem so that you can go too??

Shambolic · 11/04/2009 21:18

?

onepieceofcremeegg · 11/04/2009 21:22

He wants you to pretend you are alcohol dependent to justify his ongoing attendance at Al-Anon? Is that right? He wants to keep attending because he gets a lot of emotional/psychological support from them??

If that is the case then (imo) he needs counselling to address his underlying needs. i.e. that he has unresolved issues from his divorce which has left him craving attention/support from sources that are no longer particularly suitable for his needs.

He sounds quite needy tbh.

Original poster
Kirkers · 11/04/2009 21:23

He goes to al anon and gets a lot of comfort from it. He has an enormous vested interest. He tries to get me to go to AA, and when i tell him that any problems I have are very much to do with his reaction to his divorce, he tells me to go anyway. I find it completely circular, AND, the fact that I barely drink means he gives me soppy looks of congratulation. Its like a cult. We had a big talk last night when he was prepared to unreservedly confirm that he does not think this at all. He seems to need alcoholism to keep in his group; apparently they don't even talk about alcohol! But he needs me to be alcoholic to go. Do you see what I mean?

BTW what happened to the Julie Myerson debate because I want to get together with Jake and WRITE A BOOK.

OP posts:
Nighbynight · 11/04/2009 21:24

Why do you find it offensive that he goes to AA?

Daffodingles2 · 11/04/2009 21:24

eh?
So who was the alcoholic? him or his ex?

Nighbynight · 11/04/2009 21:24

posts xed. just reading your last one.

Daffodingles2 · 11/04/2009 21:26

because DP wants OP to pretend to be an alcoholic so he can go to AL Anon nighby

Nighbynight · 11/04/2009 21:26

I thought you had to carry on going to AA for ages after you stopped drinking? sounds as though he feels he still needs it.

onepieceofcremeegg · 11/04/2009 21:26

Does he have to prove to them in some way that he currently has a dp/friend/family member who is alcohol dependent?

Is it not enough that (presumably) his xwife had alcohol related problems and he is still working through issues related to this.
He sounds quite insecure or am I missing the ppoint here?

Nighbynight · 11/04/2009 21:27

no, I thought she said that she found it offensive that he goes, and his reaction to this is to try and get her to come too?

Original poster
Kirkers · 11/04/2009 21:27

One piece of egg, that is what I think. But he has found his comfort zone. The phrase blue in the face jumps to me. Does anyone have any experience of this. Also, I have tried to point out that if someone did suffer from this disease, or know someone who did, then this is fairly, - insulting?

I feel as though my partner almost has an addiction, which I would be supportive about if it didn't involve me.

OP posts:
Daffodingles2 · 11/04/2009 21:27

Al_Anon is for partners and carers of alcoholics as opposed to actual alcoholics themselves... I think

onepieceofcremeegg · 11/04/2009 21:28

Did/does he have problems with alcohol dependence himself? Is that what you are saying. Sorry, I am still unclear.

From what you are saying it sounds as if there may be other issues between you and your dp as well as this one? How long have you been together?

thisisyesterday · 11/04/2009 21:29

so, is he an alcoholic?

Daffodingles2 · 11/04/2009 21:30

to clear this up kirker is it
that
DP wants to go to Al Anon but you are offended because you are his partner and not an alcoholic? and he wants you to pretend you are? To whom?

dittany · 11/04/2009 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onepieceofcremeegg · 11/04/2009 21:31

Oh, so you think he is dependent (i.e. almost addicted) to the support he gets from Al Anon. Initially he had a genuine reason for attending (i.e. due to his ex's issues with alcohol) but not time has moved on and he no longer needs their support as such but he insists on going.

He feels he needs to justify his ongoing attendance and the way he has thought of is for you to pretend you are alcohol dependent.

If I have got all of that right then I stand by my post of 21.22.

onepieceofcremeegg · 11/04/2009 21:32

dittany I think you are right.

chegirl · 11/04/2009 21:32

I am a bit confused too.

Is his addiction the Alnon group? Is he pretending to have an partner with alchoholism? Does he want you to colude?

Original poster
Kirkers · 11/04/2009 21:33

He is naive, and he is desperately needy to talk about his marriage divorce. Yes, we have issues, but they are not alcohol related! This is my problem. AL anon is for relatives of alkies so they need one to go, I think, although as I said, they don't talkabout alcohol, they talk about 'everything'. HE DOES NOT THINK I AM ALCOHOLIC! That is the nub of the issue.

OP posts:
Daffodingles2 · 11/04/2009 21:33

I think you are right egg.
your DP sounds like he needs counselling, I suggest you make an appointment with the GP.

Original poster
Kirkers · 11/04/2009 21:35

one piece of egg is goood.

OP posts: