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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'oh well she'll cope' about DD's friend when we go out to Prezzo for a meal?

124 replies

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:26

DD's is taking 4 friends to Prezzo for a meal on her birthday. She is looking forward to it. It's her favourite place to eat and still feels a little bit grown up to her. One of her friends is very fussy about food. To a very difficult extent. TBH I had forgotten about this when I arranged it. But her mum reminded DH when he met her in the street yesterday. She won't eat pizza or pasta apparently. In fact the only place we could have taken her to eat would have been MacDonalds

I am tempted to say 'sod it' and hope she can find something to eat when she gets there. All the other girls are looking forward to it. Or should I cancel? I really don't want to.

OP posts:

LaDiDaDi · 07/04/2009 11:29

Go. It is your dd's birthday and she should choose what she wants to do. If the girl had allergies or even strict religious reasons for avoiding certain foods then fair enough, ensure the venue can accommodate her but not just for dislikes.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 07/04/2009 11:31

YANB even the most tiniest little bit U. I can't believe how seriously some people take food fussiness.

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2009 11:32

I would go - your dd should be able to choose her birthday treat.

I will do everything possible to accomodate an allergic child, but can't abide fussy eaters.

LilRedWG · 07/04/2009 11:33

Go - she is not allergic to the foods and she/her mum could have turned down the invite.

I hope your DD has a great time!

MegBusset · 07/04/2009 11:33

YANBU at all. I have a very fussy eater myself but I would not expect other people to change their plans around him.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:33

I agree with you all but I do have some sympathy for her (well for her mum actually). She has tried so hard to expand her diet. I don't want to appear arsey by just ignoring this issue.

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2009 11:35

Fussy child's mum could give her a meal beforehand so she won't be too hungry. Surely she could eat some plain dough balls or pizza dough?

LilRedWG · 07/04/2009 11:35

You are not being arsey. She did not have to accept the invite. End of - it's your daughter's birthday!

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:36

Maybe. I was hoping she might like some garlic bread or something. And then ice-cream?

OP posts:

messymissy · 07/04/2009 11:37

You are not being unreasonable. surely there is something on the menu she will eat, even if its a pudding. dont change the venue, its your dd's birthday after all, not her friends, and its the other mum's issue to resolve her daughters food fussiness - not yours.

My niece (now 15) has been a strict veggie and now vegan for years but it has never stopped her going to restaurants with her friends for their birthdays, she always finds something to eat and goes to be sociable and enjoy the party. if she thinks there wont be much to eat her mum always makes sure she has something to eat at home first -maybe the other mum could do the same.

JemL · 07/04/2009 11:37

YANBU in the slightest. It is your DD's birthday, it isn't up to a guest's mum to dictate where she celebrates!

Perhaps being somewhere different with friends will encourage the fussy girl to try something new!

You should definitely not consider changing your plans.

Amapoleon · 07/04/2009 11:37

The re is bound to be something on the menu she will eat. Maybe starters.

quornsilk · 07/04/2009 11:37

So what does the mum expect you to do about it? I have an extremely fussy eater and I wouldn't think twice about sending him somewhere like that. Sometimes he is even tempted to try new foods!

cherryblossoms · 07/04/2009 11:38

It's a birthday meal; you arrange it and invite people. If they don't eat, they don't eat. It's not a childminding situation, where the onus would be on you to ensure dd's friend goes home clean and fed. It's a social event; the feeding is absolutely, utterly secondary.

And I am slightly inclined to think that mum giving you a list of things she will/won't eat is actually a bit rude. As I said, it's a birthday treat, not childcare. If she was that worried, she should simply decline on her daughter's behalf. Instead she seems to be telling you where your dd's birthday is to be held! And what food should be offered!!! Does she do that when she is invited to lunch/dinner/to weddings/birhtdays? I would hope not.

Completely ignore it and concentrate on having a lovely dd birthday.

McDonald's indeed!

pranma · 07/04/2009 11:39

chips and then ice cream?It wont hurt for once!

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2009 11:40

The fact that the mum reminded your dh about it speaks volumes IMO.

EdwardCullensWife · 07/04/2009 11:40

What would be unreasonable would be making your daughter cancel her birthday plans because her friend's a fussy eater.
Her friend will cope - she's not going to die if she misses one meal or has to eat later when she gets home.

BitOfFunnyBunny · 07/04/2009 11:40

Say to her mum she is welcome to take a packed lunch if she needs to to eat afterwards, or eat at home beforehand, and that she can just have a drink there or dessert. It's your dd's birthday, she's not expecting people to eat roasted flamingo or anything...feck 'em! Even if the issue was allergies rather than particular dislikes, I wouldn't expect to have to base the choice of restaurant on someone else's child. Most parents of children affected by food issues wouldn't dream of putting you in that position either.

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 07/04/2009 11:40

yanbu
ds was fussy, so if he didn't eat it was tough luck on him.
it is your dd's birthday so she should get to do what she likes.

wannaBe · 07/04/2009 11:42

Yanbu.

how old are these children?

Tbh I have little sympathy with a parent who says "they will only eat McDonalds" they learn to eat hamburgers and chicken nuggets somewhere!

MegBusset · 07/04/2009 11:42

Prezzo menu is pretty broad iirc -- they have salad, chicken dishes, risotto etc. If she can't find a single thing she likes then surely she can get herself a McD's on the way there or home.

cherryblossoms · 07/04/2009 11:42

OrnIrian - just read your post about sympathy for mum trying to expand menu.

Won't this, then , be helpful?

Peer group pressure is fab for that kind of thing. Basically, you're offering to take her out, place a range of food in front of her, no pressure on her to actually eat it, but her friends will be happily trying stuff.

Surely that's what her mum's been trying to do and you're just doing it for her?

And she can have a cheese sandwich or whatever when she gets home?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/04/2009 11:44

As an ex fussy child, gentle peer pressure worked a treat and maybe she might try something so as not to look different. I certainly tried more things with friends parents than my own. I wouldn't pander to it but maybe have a sandwich in reserve if you don't want her to go hungry! Or a large slice of birthday cake!

TaurielTest · 07/04/2009 11:44

YANBU. Seems to me that if DD's friend and her mum know what the plan is, it's up to them to work round it - by giving her food to eat beforehand, declining the invitation, or checking with the venue (maybe the menu's available online?) to see in advance whether she'll find something she'll be prepared to eat.
How old are the girls? I've no experience of fussy eaters, but if it's not too harsh, maybe it would be good for her to get the message that extreme fussiness can make you feel left out, might help her grow out of it?

clumsymum · 07/04/2009 11:47

I can remember being a pretty fussy eater as a child (now eat just about everything), my mum used to get at her wits end with me ....
BUT....

I wasn't anything like as fussy with other people as I was at home with my mum. I have no idea why, but I was much more inclined to try new foods and stuff when at friend's houses/out with a friends parents. So this child may surprise you.

Personally I wouldn't encourage her mum to feed her first, just take her with you like the other kids and see what happens..

Oh, and if she tries to play up about not liking anything when you are there, remind her that it's YOUR dd's birthday. But she won't, I'll bet.

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