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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'oh well she'll cope' about DD's friend when we go out to Prezzo for a meal?

124 replies

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:26

DD's is taking 4 friends to Prezzo for a meal on her birthday. She is looking forward to it. It's her favourite place to eat and still feels a little bit grown up to her. One of her friends is very fussy about food. To a very difficult extent. TBH I had forgotten about this when I arranged it. But her mum reminded DH when he met her in the street yesterday. She won't eat pizza or pasta apparently. In fact the only place we could have taken her to eat would have been MacDonalds

I am tempted to say 'sod it' and hope she can find something to eat when she gets there. All the other girls are looking forward to it. Or should I cancel? I really don't want to.

OP posts:

CharleeInSpring · 07/04/2009 11:47

Go, its not your DD's fault that her friend is uber fussy.

My bug bare is fussy eaters.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:47

OK OK I get the message

Thanks for confirming it wouldn't be unfair.

It wasn't the mum saying that I could only take her to MaccieD's - it was me! I know her of old I just hadn't thought about it before.

They are coming back for a sleepover so I can make sure there is suitable food for her later I suppose.

OP posts:

DisasterEggs · 07/04/2009 11:48

as a mum of an extremely fussy DD with allergies, who is a nightmare to be taken anywhere, who won't try anything or give in to peer pressure, and who doesn't eat normal food I'd say you are NOT NOT NOT being unreasonable at all. DO NOT change plans. it is your DDs birthday and her choice where they eat
If my DD wanted to go along I'd let her and either expect her to eat what everyone else does or keep her mouth firmly shut about what she doesn't like.
And suggesting you take them all to Muckdonalds just to accommodate her fussy eater is just rude.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:48

puddock - they are 9 and 10. DD's 10th bday.

OP posts:

quornsilk · 07/04/2009 11:49

You are very nice omirian.

Lawks · 07/04/2009 11:49

I think you would be doing the girl no favours to give her the impression that the world will reorganise itself according to her food issues. I have every sympathy for her, but this is her (and her mother's) issue to resolve, not yours.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 11:49

And thanks to all the mums of fussy eaters too. If you think it's OK I don't feel so bad.

OP posts:

Twims · 07/04/2009 11:52

Just take her - if she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat but maybe you could give her a spare plate so she can have a bit of everyone elses to try.

YANBU at all and if my child was fussy like that then I would have turned down the invite.

TaurielTest · 07/04/2009 12:02

I wondered if they were that age. I have such a strong happy memory of being allowed to go into town on the bus with my friend when we were 10. We had lunch in Pizzaland and spent our pocket money on coloured pens and ice blue shampoo from the Body Shop. Thing is I absolutely loathed tomatoes, but I ate my first pizza there because I would have felt very unsophisticated otherwise. Not the same I know, but your story reminded me of it.
Hope your DD has a lovely birthday

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 12:06

Thanks puddock

She will. She's been planning it for months..

OP posts:

Wigglesworth · 07/04/2009 12:17

YANBU, don't cancel it's your DD Bday not her friends, if she doesn't like anything on the menu tough shit IMO. I was a fussy eater as a child and like others have said peer pressure does work. Make your DD happy by going to prezzo, hope you have a good time.

NoseyHelen · 07/04/2009 12:19

Let us know how it goes...

Daffodingles2 · 07/04/2009 12:23

YANB even slightlyU
I would probably suggest that friend doesn't come and she comes for tea or a sleepover instead.
It would seriously wind me up if the child sat there moaning, but it really depends on what sort of girl she is.
Maybe she won't make a fuss, maybe she'll even try something but I'd still rather take someone who'd appreciate it.

jennybensmummy · 07/04/2009 12:27

if the mum thinks the friend wont eat then she should just not send her to the party, its not your problem, the mum shouldnt have even mentioned it except to say maybe thats why her kid wasnt coming!

gagamama · 07/04/2009 12:29

YANBU, of course. They do a red pesto burger or something anyway. And crab cakes and chicken breasts and salad and all sorts. Even chips! She can always request something without x and y on it if she's super fussy.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 12:31

gaga - she won't eat burgers. The only thing she has ever eaten at my house is chicken nuggets and chips - even turned her nose up when I tried her on home-made ones. I don't know how her mum copes.

She is one of DD's very best friends so it would be sad if she didn't come.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 07/04/2009 12:31

gosh, how has a ten year old been allowed to remain this fussy?

Speaking as a fussy eater I think pandering is the worst thing anyone can do.

Wigglesworth · 07/04/2009 12:37

I was a fussy eater and my parents pandered to it and I think it makes it worse. I wouldn't eat homemade chips only chippy chips and my Dad used to get me chippy chips for tea. One day however they wrapped up homemade chips in newspaper and told me they were from the chippy,I was fooled and ate them.

WhoTookMyMemoryStick · 07/04/2009 12:40

We recently had an experience with a fussy eater that completely threw us.

Mum had asked us to have her son at the last minute. I explained that we were going out but that he was welcome to come too. Bearing in mind that we were helping her out, she got very snippy and said that she didn't think he would like going out for lunch.

I explained that we were already committed to going out but to just let us know if he was still coming. She turned up 1/2 an hour later, threw a packet of crumpets at me and left. It was beyond weird.

We went out to lunch and it became quickly very apparent that he had never eaten out before, had no idea how to chose from a menu, no idea how to sit at a table or how to use cutlery. I felt very sorry for him but my dh was spitting mad that anyone could bring up their child without equiping them for normal social behaviour. He was 10yo and I'm still sad for him now.

I hope your dd and friends really enjoy themselves.

Daffodingles2 · 07/04/2009 12:45

Orm... Is there any chance it could taint your dd's experience if she has a friend there refusing to eat?

wannaBe · 07/04/2009 12:52

yes my parents pandered too and it definitely didn't help. My mother;s view was that it's better to eat something (even if it was dry shreddies morning noon and night) than to go without.

I was the sort of child who would actually have gone hungry rather than eaten but IMO not enough effort was made to rectify the situation.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 07/04/2009 12:52

I don't think so daffodil. She's not quite that selfless And I hope the little girl is sensible enough not to make a fuss I'll ply her with coke

OP posts:

georgimama · 07/04/2009 12:53

Oh come on it's not going to "taint her daughter's experience". Her daughter has presumably eaten with this child before, knows she's fussy, and will be too focussed on enjoying herself in her big grown up meal out at her favourite restaurant (quite right too) to care.

Orm, do you have a mum "look" to fire at fussy child just in case she starts whinging?

MrsTittleMouse · 07/04/2009 12:54

Speaking as an ex-fussy eater I'll join in the chorus that peer pressure is a wonderful thing. Hopefully it will do the poor girl some good.

sickofthisrain · 07/04/2009 12:54

YANBU. I wonder how much her parents expectations of her now influence what she eats. My dc's play up far more for me than anyone else, they recently demolished a big lentil and veg pie at the IL's that I was convinced they wouldn't eat.

Take her, point out things on the menu she might like and leave her to it. She can have bread and butter if all else fails.

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