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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable: I get annoyed when people think they can put their grubby hands in my pram and touch my DS!

134 replies

salt101 · 06/04/2009 19:46

Does this happy to anyone else? You are out/on the bus/walking in the park. Someone comes to chat or starts talking to DS, he smiles being the lovely sociable baby...and they stick their hands in/stroke his hand/touch his face/put his dummy in!!!

Has anyone said anything? It usually happens so fast, I'm not quick enough.....

anyone?

OP posts:
rebee · 06/04/2009 22:12

YANBU you are responsible for your baby's health and safety and you should stick to your guns.

There are plenty of parents who are happy for complete strangers to touch their children which is also perfectly acceptable and the people who want to touch should seek them out.

On two occassions some randoms have started touching my baby (near his mouth and hands)and it really upset me.

Just a few days ago a stranger approached us whilst I was minding my own business and went to touch my baby's hand, I moved my little fella's hand and told the man he was teething and biting his fingers. The man didn't touch his hand but gave him a little stroke on the shoulder, which I didn't mind as much and continued to chat happily for 5 min, there was no awkwardness or embarrassment and I was very glad I said something.

Had I let him touch my boy's hand or face I would have been really cross with myself for the rest of he day for compromising my beliefs and for what... so that a complete stranger could have an unecessary interaction that he would forget as soon as it was over.

boatwitch · 06/04/2009 22:13

I love people cooing over chatting to, stroking my baby etc, but was horrified at a car boot sale recently when a [not old] lady stuck her finger in my baby`s mouth! Would she have wanted to suck my finger? I very much doubt it!!

YaddaYaddaYadda · 06/04/2009 22:24

Sorry but after an incident where a weird trampy old man tried to take pics of my DD in the park with his mobile phone (yes, really) I don't want some stinky stranger touching my DD.

Before you ask, I live in London... Maybe there are just less weirdos in other places....

YaddaYaddaYadda · 06/04/2009 22:24

Sorry but after an incident where a weird trampy old man tried to take pics of my DD in the park with his mobile phone (yes, really) I don't want some stinky stranger touching my DD.

Before you ask, I live in London... Maybe there are just less weirdos in other places....

fledtoscotland · 06/04/2009 22:25

this thread has reminded me why i was so glad to leave the south east of england. everyone is so precious and self obsessed. If your baby is fit and healthy, why wouldnt you want them to have social contact? life isnt a sterile bubble. Life doesnt end if we come in contact with a germ believe it or not.

there was a post earlier (sorry but i cant remember the author) who said she hated her children being touched by other children. FFS - why? children hold hands all the time. just make sure that hands are washed in soap & water (no fancy antibacterial shite handwash) before meals

piscesmoon · 06/04/2009 22:28

I think it is much more important for the baby to be sociable-I never get why people want to keep their baby in isolation and not let anyone near them. I doubt whether the people you are describing are that grubby.

piscesmoon · 06/04/2009 22:29

If she doesn't want her child touched by another child fledtoscotland she must have problems!

YaddaYaddaYadda · 06/04/2009 22:30

But being sociable doesn't need to involve touching. I have social contact with lots of people I work with but that doesn't mean I end up groping them in the stationary cupboard!

anonandlikeit · 06/04/2009 22:31

fledtoscotland, I couldn't agree more.
Why are we so precious about our babies being touched, children should be celebrated & enjoyed not wrapped in cotton wool.

If you go to most European countries children are hugged by the community & there is no worry about all these germ ridden, disease carrying strangers infecting them.

piscesmoon · 06/04/2009 22:40

Hear, hear, anonandlikeit-I agree with every word of your post. I pity the poor PFB in their sterile bubble!

toddlerama · 06/04/2009 22:46

I will never forget a moment of horror when a truly filthy young girl (genuinely muddy fingers - I have no idea how / why - she was working in a charity shop not a garden centre) of about 20 shoved her finger in my PFB's mouth and exclaimed that she was chewing it! I froze in horror and a lovely old lady came over and said "Get your finger out of that baby's mouth. You haven't washed your hands!" I was so glad she did because I was literally so shocked I didn't know where to begin with the make-it-stop.

Now PFB is a filthy toddler and shoving all manner of detritus into 5 month old dd's mouth at any unsupervised opportunity. I wish that old lady was around....

piscesmoon · 06/04/2009 22:51

I think anyone would be horrified by sticking fingers in mouths whether dirty or clean looking, but I got the impression that OP doesn't want a stranger touching her baby- and anyone she doesn't know would be termed 'grubby'.

bloss · 06/04/2009 23:12

Message withdrawn

Gentle · 06/04/2009 23:16

Here comes Mrs Fence-sitter...

I think the cooing over babies is to be expected and quite sweet.

However I sometimes found it irritating too, walking along the path with the pram and seeing someone else coming towards me, flagging me down and settling in for a nice long prod, coo and no doubt a good old sprinkling of unsolicited advice. I wasn't concerned about germs or anything, sometimes I just needed to catch my bus/get home before I wet myself.

When my baby got old enough to start demanding attention from people this stopped. I was positively grateful for strangers in waiting rooms & on trains who were up for a bit of peek-a-boo or cheek chugging.

It all depends on the attitude of the person. Some people are just made happy by the sight & touch of a baby, which is lovely. Other people see a slow-moving opportunity for a good old beak and judge.

tinseltot · 07/04/2009 11:41

Without going into the rights or the wrongs of uninvited touching of babies i have a great tip for all those who want their babies left alone - buy a phil & teds!

DD#3 (5 weeks) is always left alone in her phil & teds cos she is tucked away under the top seat (which dd#2 sits in).

Portoeufino · 07/04/2009 11:43

God, never move abroad then! Touching is very much the done thing here. Every morning at work there is a ritual of kissing and hand shaking, plus at the school gates. The kids all kiss each other good bye, and shopkeepers/waiters hand out sweeties and lollipos willy nilly when you're not looking.

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/04/2009 11:44

unless their hands are smeared in dog shit I would say YABP (paranoid)

Bubbles01 · 07/04/2009 11:50

You can't wrap them up in cotton wool, no wonder so many kids are ill these days. How on earth are their immune systems suppose to build up???????

messymissy · 07/04/2009 12:03

I don;t think you are unreasonalbe in the slightest.

I hated it when my dd was a baby! and yes, i would worry about germs.

I carried her in a sling alot after a while as then I could hold her hands if it looked like someone was about to make a grab and it stopped them. - it did not stop one lady though who left lipstick on my dd's sock!!! yuk!!!!!

Its ok to smile talk coo at a baby but never touch them without the mum's permission.

This doesn't happen to everyone though...i asked my friends how they coped and they said no one ever tried to touch their baby - one said she frowned at people if they got too close and that stopped them in their tracks.

lalalonglegs · 07/04/2009 12:40

Babies are cute, people want to give them attention, I don't understand the problem or why you would want to stop them. Whenever I am in Italy, I am mobbed by strangers and quasi-strangers slobbering over my children - it's quite touching the fuss they make. (I was always mildly surprised when certain friends asked to hold my babies and said that they had "washed their hands first" - it never occured to me that they were unhygenic in some way or that my babies were at any risk from them.)

TheShipsCat · 07/04/2009 12:54

YABVU. It's a lovely thing when people are interested in your baby. We recently went on holiday to Colombia, and dd2 (10 months) must have been touched by strangers approximately every 30 seconds. She absolutely loved it, as did the strangers. Its a really nice way of making contact with people and seeing society at its very best, IMO.

Shiner · 07/04/2009 12:59

My little ones used to start crying when someone suddenly stuck their hand into their face, so for that reason at least, I didn't appreciate strangers touching them. If the babies don't like it, then people shouldn't do it. As the children have got older, this reaction has become stronger.

Additionally, mine were premature (by two months), and so I would probably have been pretty upset if they'd had a grubby finger stuck in their mouth and then come down with something because their immune system wasn't up to much yet.

TheDevilEatsNestle · 07/04/2009 13:14

tinseltot so your precious baby is inches away from the pavement in your phil and teds and can't see anything. But that's okay because at ;least strangers won't try to interact with her?

snort.

tinseltot · 07/04/2009 13:21

My phil & teds is a dream machine thank you very much Devileats!

And you will notice that i stated i would not be drawn into the rights and the wrongs of touching. I just stopped by to offer a kindly tip to assist others! That's the sort of girl i am .

Dillydaydreamer · 07/04/2009 13:23

OMG 2 of these bloody threads in a week
What is the world coming to when people are frowned upon for having a chuck of a sweet chin FGS.
'Ooh they might give him some germs' well wait until they are eating sand, soil, cat food and other delightful things. Stop being so ridiculously precious. How would you feel if it was your grandma who got a mouthful from someone for chatting/being affectionate to a baby. I dare say the thread would read
Am I being unreasonable to be angry that someone gave my grandma a mouthful just for fussing a baby?