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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

EBAY WIDOW when baby's dad visits

91 replies

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:35

I'm 7 months preg with a 2 yaer old. The children's father doesnt live with us. He visits irregulrly, but mostly Fri nights - Mon eves.

However, the majority of his time is spent on the PC, else he switches it off about 7pm (it goes on around 10am non-stop)and then opens his wine or beer, so is passed out drunk after an hour or so then sleeps til gone midnight, then sits on the PC til the early hours of dawn again.

If I ask, he will take me shopping or put a blind up as long as I haven't 'upset' him during the course of his visit so he isn't in a mood.

Every so often he'll play with our 2 year old
for 10 mins or so, usually while the kettle boils or on his way to the loo.

He will also take her downstairs with him when he gets up in the morning so I can get a lie-in, but even then he'll just put a DVD on, leave her to watch it, and go and sit on his computer (my computer).

I say to him, surely you're here to help relieve me of parenting duties for a few hours each day, as I do the lion share the rest of the time? But he uses my house like a hotel, brings laundry, fills up my fridgefreezer with his food so there's no room for my own food, sits on the PC, gets drunk, then passes out on the sofa. He doesn't fit much 'shring prental duties' into the rest of the time.

Am I wroong to expect him to do more when he's here, for example he could take the toddler out to the park for a few hours, perhaps hang some washing out for me or do a bit of hoovering (feeling v. tired now I'm 7 months preg).

I have no friends or family around, so I'm very dependant on him for things like shopping and help (I don't drive and live rural).

I don't want sympathy, just blunt views. If I'm definately expecting too much from him, please tell me!

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:36

why do you let him come around
what are oyu to him?

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:36

'shring prental duties' as you've guessed the A on my keyboard is knackered! Should red sharing parental duties!

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:36

what does he do for you?you sound like his slave

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:36

He's entitled to see his daughter

OP posts:
farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:38

PLESE REPLY VIA IDENTICL THREAD EBAY WIDOW- I FORGOT ADD TITLE TO THIS!

OP posts:
HecAteTheEasterBunny · 05/04/2009 22:39

yes he is. But it sounds like he sees her when he peers over the top of the computer screen. Is that good enough?

TheMightyBoosh · 05/04/2009 22:39

Blunt

he's taking the piss. Probably because vyou let him.

Take the fuseout of the PC andtell him it's broken; Arrange to go somewhere for a few hours. 'I know you dont really like shopping so I decided to go by myselfand get a haircut too; here, take the toddler'.

But tbh if hedoesn'tstop immediately you call him on it, you may have landed yourself a twat. OOps.

thumbbunny · 05/04/2009 22:39

It sounds as though he has the perfect set up for him. And he is unlikely to change while you allow him to treat you and your family and your home in this way (as a hotel, yes).
Why would he? He's getting what he wants out of it - you're not. He has you where he wants you - dependent on him.

PLEASE try and find a way out of this situation in terms of being so dependent on him - he is absolutely taking the piss and you are letting him.

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:40

Bugger. I've posted this Question twice, once titled Ebay Widow and once Untitled, I cnt keep track of both! Please reply on this Thred!

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:40

let him have her at his place

sounds a controlling twunt

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:40

He fixes PCs, he'd know if I took the fuse out!

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 22:41

But he isnt entitled to use you and your house like a hotel

Also he isnt really seeing his daughter he is spending all day on a computer and dumping her in front of a dvd

I dont really know what to advise but NO you are not expecting too much from him

You do have my sympathy though - even if you dont want it

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:41

His house isnt habitable, he's a Hoarder.

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:41

well there you are then
stop makign excuses for him

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 05/04/2009 22:42

everything anyone says, you've got a "yeahbut" excuse you slam right back. Why did you start this thread if you are so defensive and making excuses for everything raised?

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 22:43

The fact that he is a hoarder with an uninhabitable house isnt your fault farmgirls!

If I were you I would tell him to behave as an adult or go away tbh. Your kids deserve a good father not dvds

PullMyFinger · 05/04/2009 22:43

What Able Sister said

he can collect dd and take her out

Or drop her at a meeting lace, his place or his parents

No way should he be stopping at yours - what if someone shops you to the dss?

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:43

Today for instance, his friends turn up at my house becuse they know he'll be here , so he takes several cans of beer and goes out for a hike with them, despite knowing I despertely needed some shopping today!

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:43

oh stop being so spineless fgs
you know what to do.

TheMightyBoosh · 05/04/2009 22:43

farmgirl I wouldnt be so sure; dh is electronics bloke, wouldn't occur to him i'd do it, all he'd know is it wouldn't switch on, the trick isto stop him trying to repair- tell him service man has ordered 'a part' or keep him busy.

Or just lend the thing to a mate for theweekend.

but you have to get him off it to find out if he's worth it

PullMyFinger · 05/04/2009 22:44

Don't let him walk over you sista

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2009 22:44

Farmgirls.......does he hoard? At his own place?

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:45

His parents aren't alive, his houseis not habitable, his friends are all hippy-druggies (dope)I wouldnt want my children round there!

Yes I'm risking being shopped to the DSS, but I've neverbeen able to determine how long they're allowed to stay over.

OP posts:
farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:46

HIs own houose is for hoarding yes

OP posts:
TheMightyBoosh · 05/04/2009 22:46

Apart from goodsperm, does this man have any positive qualities?

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