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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

EBAY WIDOW when baby's dad visits

91 replies

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:35

I'm 7 months preg with a 2 yaer old. The children's father doesnt live with us. He visits irregulrly, but mostly Fri nights - Mon eves.

However, the majority of his time is spent on the PC, else he switches it off about 7pm (it goes on around 10am non-stop)and then opens his wine or beer, so is passed out drunk after an hour or so then sleeps til gone midnight, then sits on the PC til the early hours of dawn again.

If I ask, he will take me shopping or put a blind up as long as I haven't 'upset' him during the course of his visit so he isn't in a mood.

Every so often he'll play with our 2 year old
for 10 mins or so, usually while the kettle boils or on his way to the loo.

He will also take her downstairs with him when he gets up in the morning so I can get a lie-in, but even then he'll just put a DVD on, leave her to watch it, and go and sit on his computer (my computer).

I say to him, surely you're here to help relieve me of parenting duties for a few hours each day, as I do the lion share the rest of the time? But he uses my house like a hotel, brings laundry, fills up my fridgefreezer with his food so there's no room for my own food, sits on the PC, gets drunk, then passes out on the sofa. He doesn't fit much 'shring prental duties' into the rest of the time.

Am I wroong to expect him to do more when he's here, for example he could take the toddler out to the park for a few hours, perhaps hang some washing out for me or do a bit of hoovering (feeling v. tired now I'm 7 months preg).

I have no friends or family around, so I'm very dependant on him for things like shopping and help (I don't drive and live rural).

I don't want sympathy, just blunt views. If I'm definately expecting too much from him, please tell me!

OP posts:
franch · 05/04/2009 23:10

I'm confused farmgirls - what is your relationship with him? Do you still sleep with him? If he is your ex should he be staying over at your place at all? Sorry if this is answered already, I just can't work it out

SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 05/04/2009 23:10

you wanted blunt views remember

so what do YOU get out of it?>?

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:10

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs why are you clling me a troll? What the hecks that sposed to mean?

OP posts:
Servalan · 05/04/2009 23:11

Well farmgirls, you did say you didn't want sympathy and wanted blunt views...

It's hard to get a clear idea of what is going on for you from you posts.

Do you love him?

Do you like him?

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:12

Insults - good grief, hardly

You put up with awful behaviour by this man, you do very little about it (I was sympathetic I am not now!) yet dont seem to like our advice

What did you expect

YAWN

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2009 23:12

Sorry farmgirls! Didn't think.

Well, she's no troll. For what it's worth ladies. And there are far more ' mugs' posting on here anyway!! She's not the only one.

PullMyFinger · 05/04/2009 23:13

Is he your boyfriend?

V confusing.

Claire2009 · 05/04/2009 23:13

ZZzzz

All advice has been offered. Read it rather than focusing on the more blunt replies

SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 05/04/2009 23:13

oh why did i click on both of these f**ing threads

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:13

troll, fantasist, pillock

whatever

you post some half-story, get annoyed when people give an opinion based on "not knowing the full story" (even though you didn't give it)

so, we are meant to say he is love's young dream? what? sympathise with your pathetic mugness? what?

< rubs eyes >

Claire2009 · 05/04/2009 23:14

LOL @ Anyfucker!!!

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:15

AF - Its probably fair to say it is rare that I agree with you, this is one of those moments

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:16

is it rare yurtgirl?

why?

< pouts >

Springfleurs · 05/04/2009 23:17

farmgirls you shouldn't post in AIBU for this sort of thing, go to relationships instead. AIBU is just too harsh and scary for relationship ishooos.

BitOfFunnyBunny · 05/04/2009 23:18

Anyfucker is a very sensible woman, yurtgirl- I must look out for your posts and see if you are a loony

thumbbunny · 05/04/2009 23:19

tbh, I don't think she'd get much better in Relationships based on the info given so far.

PullMyFinger · 05/04/2009 23:20

I suspect an AIBU with stealth reveal and dream shower sequence bobby ewing-style

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:20

Ooooh AF - I hope you arent going to throw all your toys out of the pram

Actually we may agree on some things I dont recall tbh - Im not a swearing person so its more a case of Mumsnet Name Snobbery on my part (MNS a new condition I diagnosed myself with!!!!)

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:21

looney looney

Bunny hop

gibberish

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:22

ahhh, MN-name facism, I see

< strokes hairy chin thoughtfully >

BitOfFunnyBunny · 05/04/2009 23:22
Grin
AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:24

search my posts yurtgirl, you may surprise yourself to find we are kindred spirits

then again......

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:24

gives BOF quick squeeze

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2009 23:25

Erm, I'm just skulking back in for a minute. Sorry, think I scared op off by knowing too much 'stuff'.........should have kept quiet!
I'll leave quietly, won't slam the door....

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:27

Aha I see a challenge developing
You have laid down the gauntlet!

I will look beyond the name and let you know

Kindred Spirits is my phrase of the week in fact - If I mention my current hobby horse and someone looks blankly at me or worse aghast they are therefore Not Kindred Spirits.

Anyone who says actually Im interested in X X myself is a life long Kindred Spirit!!!

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