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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

EBAY WIDOW when baby's dad visits

91 replies

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:35

I'm 7 months preg with a 2 yaer old. The children's father doesnt live with us. He visits irregulrly, but mostly Fri nights - Mon eves.

However, the majority of his time is spent on the PC, else he switches it off about 7pm (it goes on around 10am non-stop)and then opens his wine or beer, so is passed out drunk after an hour or so then sleeps til gone midnight, then sits on the PC til the early hours of dawn again.

If I ask, he will take me shopping or put a blind up as long as I haven't 'upset' him during the course of his visit so he isn't in a mood.

Every so often he'll play with our 2 year old
for 10 mins or so, usually while the kettle boils or on his way to the loo.

He will also take her downstairs with him when he gets up in the morning so I can get a lie-in, but even then he'll just put a DVD on, leave her to watch it, and go and sit on his computer (my computer).

I say to him, surely you're here to help relieve me of parenting duties for a few hours each day, as I do the lion share the rest of the time? But he uses my house like a hotel, brings laundry, fills up my fridgefreezer with his food so there's no room for my own food, sits on the PC, gets drunk, then passes out on the sofa. He doesn't fit much 'shring prental duties' into the rest of the time.

Am I wroong to expect him to do more when he's here, for example he could take the toddler out to the park for a few hours, perhaps hang some washing out for me or do a bit of hoovering (feeling v. tired now I'm 7 months preg).

I have no friends or family around, so I'm very dependant on him for things like shopping and help (I don't drive and live rural).

I don't want sympathy, just blunt views. If I'm definately expecting too much from him, please tell me!

OP posts:
AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:47

what does he DO for you

emotionally?
Or has he just a big cock

Claire2009 · 05/04/2009 22:48

He's using you/your house/pc/comforts. get rid. he can see his daughter at his place, he can un-hoard his place to see her there?

AbleSister · 05/04/2009 22:48

stop being such a wet blanket and sort it out

am bored now

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 05/04/2009 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2009 22:49

Farmgirls........... I know you from another forum, roughly a year ago. But I see you are now pregnant again, and dss are STILL chasing you????!!!!!????

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 22:50

So I am confused! Is he your ex partner or are you still together

I get on great with my X he spends saturdays with me and the kids - if he treated me or my kids the way yours does - I wouldnt open the door to him.

End of

I cant drive atm and use my X as a car facility as well but no way would I allow myself to be taken advantage of as you do.
He may be their father - that does not give him the right to behave like this

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 05/04/2009 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/04/2009 22:55

Farmgirl, sorry to be blunt, but sounds like your self-respect is in the gutter.

He's not bringing anything of value to you or your children;s life.

Why are you even with him?

thumbbunny · 05/04/2009 22:56

am seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you let this man into your life at all - "all his friends are hippy druggy types" - these will be the ones who know he stays at yours at the weekend and come over to visit??
Is he also a hippy druggy type?

GET A GRIP!

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 22:58

'Farmgirls........... I know you from another forum, roughly a year ago. But I see you are now pregnant again, and dss are STILL chasing you????!!!!!???? '

My username isnt exclusive to me, there's probably lots of people with this name. No, DSS ren't chasing me. And ILoveTIFFANY, even if that ws the case, you certainly shouldne be directing people onhere to other forums where people have posted!

OP posts:
farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:01

No, he's not a hippy druggy type, though he doesnt work.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 05/04/2009 23:02

Farmgirls........I've not mentioned the other forum. Nor would I. And I actually remember you and all the details given here match. Look, I doubt you remember me but I was the only one on your side on that forum barring one other!!!!! The male posters were horrible to you. And I stuck up for you.

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:03

he is a cocklodger extraordinaire

and you are a mug

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:04

Er, type in frmgirls username and 'forum' nd google will bring up any forum with this username. You'll notice this Thred has gone quiet Tiff, tht's becuse everyone's gone looking for farmgirls on other forums now.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:04

Or troll on a wind up

The more I read the more I think surely no one could be this spineless

MumGoneCrazy · 05/04/2009 23:05

if he stays over for 2 more nights on a reg basis then you have to tell dss

i got reported because my dp stayed at mine every friday and saturday night but visited most days to see our 3 kids i thought it was 3 nights not 2 so didnt report it

the bloke who came to question me told me i had 2 choices either he moved back in or he stop visiting so much n only stay over every other weekend

i wasnt going to deprive my kids of their dad when ever they wanted plus i found out i was pregnant again lol so he's now moved back in so dont have a problem anymore

Yurtgirl · 05/04/2009 23:05

I doubt it farmgirls - weve got better things to do

Its more likely that we are all fed up of your spineless excuses

Sorry but its true

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:06

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs... Mug? you have no idea of the full story, try using your intuition without me having to spell it out on here.

OP posts:
farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:07

Yurtgirl I know I said I didnt wnt ympathy, but I think insults are a bit out of order?

OP posts:
SlartyBartFastlaidanegg · 05/04/2009 23:08

ok

what do you get out of it???

thumbbunny · 05/04/2009 23:08

why should we bother? You put your part-story up here for examination, if you want us to give sensible advice then give us the proper story. If he is married to someone else then you are an even bigger mug.

MumGoneCrazy · 05/04/2009 23:09

meant 2 or more nights

AnyFuckerStealsHerKidsEggs · 05/04/2009 23:09

right ok then, not a mug, a troll

< yawns >

farmgirls · 05/04/2009 23:10

He's not married to anyone!
Forget it, I thought Mumsnet was a relevant place for sensible advice, not insults, I'll go elsewhere.

OP posts:
LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 05/04/2009 23:10

he does not work
he does notlook after you or your child
his friends are druggies
his own house is uninhabitable

what do you want people to say?

yes, he is ideal partner and father material, don't change a thing

to a certain extent, people will treat you as badly as you allow them to

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