Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think that its a bit odd for SIL to have chosen to...

89 replies

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:32

hold her post wedding party on my actual birthday, which is also dd's 'birthday weekend' ie- her birthday's on the friday so it would make sense to hold her party at the weekend.

its a full weekend event. marquee/ camping in a field with lots of people i dont know, so no propspect of any me time etc etc.plus thing with my ILs are a bit tense, atm.

the actual wedding is over 2 months before hand, so AIBU to have wanted this particular weekend as our celebration?

i appreciate that weddings are hugely more important than birthdays and that the whole world doesnt revolve around me,lol! but does anyone else feel that this choice of date is a bit odd?

OP posts:

Twims · 01/04/2009 13:33

YANBU

hifi · 01/04/2009 13:33

is she having it as her main do or as well as?

southeast · 01/04/2009 13:34

i find the idea of a post wedding party pretty odd, are they loaded or did they get married without alot of people attending?

Original poster

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:35

posh family meal on the day after reg office. then party later on, when its warmer.

OP posts:

Original poster

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:36

no friends coming on the actual day, so its a delayed reception, really.

OP posts:

traceybath · 01/04/2009 13:37

Do you usually make a big deal of your birthday. My birthday is in august - a very popular month for celebrations so often am at a party/wedding on my birthday. But i'm not big on birthdays to be honest.

Doubt she even considered it - does she even know when your birthday is? I know my sil's is in july but would have to double-check the actual date.

So i think yabu.

Sassybeast · 01/04/2009 13:39

YABU and a spoiled brat. Guess she ran the risk of having the do on 'someones' birthday - most people wouldn't be bothered. If you don't want to go, don't go ?

BlueCowWondersWhenItsChocTime · 01/04/2009 13:39

I think you are being U. I'm sure your and nieice's b'dy really didn't figure in their plans - why would they find it necessary to avoid your birthday?! Is it a significant figure for you or dd perhaps?

TrillianEAstraEgg · 01/04/2009 13:40

Your SIL, she's your DH's sister, right?

Do you know the birthdays of all your siblings' partners? If you were organising something on a particular date would it immediately spring to mind?

If this SIL is your brother's wife then your brother should have noticed.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/04/2009 13:40

Birthdays happen every year.

YABU

Lizzylou · 01/04/2009 13:41

My birthday is on Sunday, I will be mainly hiding under the duvet crying as I am sooo old.

I can why it may make things a bit difficult for your DD's birthday, but can't she have her party the weekend before?

I don't think she has done this to spite you, and the weekend does sound great.

Littlefish · 01/04/2009 13:41

YABU - it's her wedding party which will only happen once. It's yours and your dd's birthdays which happen every year.

Be happy for her.
Re-schedule your birthday celebrations
Don't make a fuss

Original poster

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:41

um, i usually go out for dinner with dh and maybe a small family bday tea. she def does know its my bday. its the combination of 2 bdays that makes it more of an issue, tbh.

i'd be delighted to spend my bday at one of my friends weddings, but i wont know her guests...

OP posts:

MadreInglese · 01/04/2009 13:41

YABU, I can't imagine anyone delaying wedding celebrations because of birthdays - imagine how many people they'd have to check with before they booked it

Either don't go to the do, or have your DD's party the weekend before/after

I'd be quite happy to go to a wedding do on my birthday - a good excuse to put on a nice frock and have lots of yummy food and wine

(but I'm not big on birthdays being super special tbh)

cory · 01/04/2009 13:42

If this is your 100th birthday, then I think you've got a point. But you'll get a nice letter from the Queen, so don't be too down about it. If not, a wedding party trumps a birthday.

ohdearwhatamess · 01/04/2009 13:42

It wouldn't bother me, but we don't make a big deal about birthdays.

I'd be amazed if either of my SILs even knew when my birthday is (or the dc's birthdays for that matter).

FAQinglovely · 01/04/2009 13:43

Hey - i'd go and treat is (in your head - not out loud obviously ) as your birthday party - would be fab except you wouldn't have had to do any of the preparation and/or spend loads of money

KHS · 01/04/2009 13:44

Presuming that she's the kind of person who keeps track of SIL's and nieces' birthdays, YANBU. If she's the kind of person who doesn't, then maybe it's just a very unfortunate coincidence.

Question is, what can you do about it at this stage? If invites are out then surely there's no way she'll change it.

You could always be honest and say that you'd love to come for the day on Sunday or Friday but that you'll unfortunately be busy on the Saturday with your daughter's party and your own in the evening... Maybe your girlfriends have been amazingly organised and already asked you to go out that evening to give you a break ?

The you could get away with just spending the day and avoiding too much time with the ILs. What does DH think?

nickytwotimes · 01/04/2009 13:44

Yabu.
It's only a birthday.
It is unimportant.
There will be another one along next year.

mammapiggy · 01/04/2009 13:45

YABU - she was probably limited to the dates she could have the wedding party on anyway, and if i was planning a wedding and it ended up being on the same date as a relatives birthday, would i re-arrange the date? err no!

thumbbunny · 01/04/2009 13:46

I think YANBU IF she knew the dates of your and your DD's birthdays, but if it was done in innocence then YABU.

TBH, if you are going to the wedding itself I wouldn't bother with the party for friends, especially if you don't know any of them. Have your birthday party for your DD instead. Is your DH insisting you go?

FAQinglovely · 01/04/2009 13:46

I think (given that we don't know what age the OP will be) it's a little harsh to say "oh it's only a birthday" - I would have been GUTTED if I'd not been able to celebrate my recent birthday on my birthday weekend - I was 30 - I was booting my terrible 20's out of my life and starting anew in my 30's (plus I'd had a rung of approx 6yrs of REALLY crap birthdays and I was determined that this one was at the very least going to be pleasant even if I didn't actually do anything on it)

Littlefish · 01/04/2009 13:46

LOL at Cory and the letter from the Queen

mammapiggy · 01/04/2009 13:48

say your sil has quite a few family and friends, you can hardly expect her to arrange her wedding so it doesn't fall on the birthdays of any of her friends/family/their children can you? She would never get a date set at that rate!

Original poster

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:50

its in a field owned by her friend. no issue with venue availability.she does know its dds and my bday.

i absolutely wouldnt mind at all if the event didnt last the whole weekend.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4