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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that its a bit odd for SIL to have chosen to...

89 replies

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:32

hold her post wedding party on my actual birthday, which is also dd's 'birthday weekend' ie- her birthday's on the friday so it would make sense to hold her party at the weekend.

its a full weekend event. marquee/ camping in a field with lots of people i dont know, so no propspect of any me time etc etc.plus thing with my ILs are a bit tense, atm.

the actual wedding is over 2 months before hand, so AIBU to have wanted this particular weekend as our celebration?

i appreciate that weddings are hugely more important than birthdays and that the whole world doesnt revolve around me,lol! but does anyone else feel that this choice of date is a bit odd?

OP posts:
Littlefish · 01/04/2009 13:50

I went to a friend's wedding on my 40th birthday. Twas lovely! The bride and groom had been really sweet and remembered, and put flowers in my room at the hotel. I just celebrated my birthday the following weekend.

TBCoalman · 01/04/2009 13:51

Bil and Sil got married on DS1's birthday. Bil had his stag do on DH's birthday. Their first child was born on my birthday.

You know what, a few years on, it's really nice. We can all have lovely celebration lunches with the IL's, DH's elderly relatives etc.

I did feel a bit put out at first, hopefully I hid it well, as I knew IWBU.

Original poster
schmu · 01/04/2009 13:54

theyre a really, really small famiy mamma. only 4 including dh. so the dd is one of only 4 family bdays (excl her own). 3 fall in the same week . we wouldnt have been hard to avoid.

OP posts:
Original poster
schmu · 01/04/2009 13:54

sorry 6 bdays. in total. 3 in same week.

OP posts:
Ivegotaheadache · 01/04/2009 13:56

My own birthday I couldn't care less about, but birthdays are a big deal to children and I would be a little at my SIL if she arranged her do on her niece's birthday.

When I was arranging my wedding I didn't book it for a particular date as it was the weekend of my nephews birthday and on his actual birthday they would have been travelling home again and I didn't want that for him - even though ny sister said it would be fine ect I would have felt bad.

So I wouldn't have held a party on that date, it wasn't dependant on registrar's or ministers or venue availabilty (like mine was so I booked for 2 months later as it was the only othe rdate).

But that's just me and everybody thinks differently.

KimiWantsAnEasterEgg · 01/04/2009 13:57

YANBU do not go

Boys2mam · 01/04/2009 13:57

I agree its a little weird but it can't have been done intentionally to spite you (?)

As 'wedding parties' go it seems a bit long to spend the entire weekend with them - can you show for part of it (maybe one day) and have your daughters party and your day on, say, the Sunday?

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 13:59

Yabu.
It is easier to move a small family celebration, like your and your dds party, than a whole wedding party.

I dont see what other option you have.

Or would you actually approach your sil and ask her to chose another date?

I find this whole obsession with a grown ups birthday rather immature.

FAQinglovely · 01/04/2009 14:01

"
I find this whole obsession with a grown ups birthday rather immature."

admittedly this year I did have a "party" - but tbh I'd have just been happy with a nice day. Something that hadn't happened on my birthday for several years.

QuintessentiallyAnEmptyGrave · 01/04/2009 14:02

echo that Faq.

As an adult, you dont really need anything more than a nice day. A meal out can be rescheduled.

Original poster
schmu · 01/04/2009 14:03

um, as i said, my main issue is fitting in aparty for dd. i am not asking anyone to move anything.

isnt it funny how some people react in quite a hostile way to an OP that is totally unhostile in tone. funny really.

i'm immature and a spoiled brat. i only asked if it was an odd choice of date.

OP posts:
thumbbunny · 01/04/2009 14:05

but it isnt just OP's bday, it is her DD's as well so your point about immaturity is only partially relevant at best, QS.

schmu - do you think she has done it on purpose? Does your DH think she has done it on purpose? I think whoever it was suggested that you only go for one day and have the other day for your b'day parties had the best plan - do that, then everyone gets partly what they want.

fattiemumma · 01/04/2009 14:05

unless its a milestone birthday (30,40,50 etc) yabu.

sh eprobably didn't even realise it was your birthday at the time of booking.

Original poster
schmu · 01/04/2009 14:10

she def,def did realise, as me, dd and her dad are all within 6 days of each other. as i said, we are not hard to avoid!

..but hey, i'm not going say anything to her. i just have a feeling that she avoided the prevoius weekend to avoid her da'd bday, and that was prob the priority over dds's bday

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 01/04/2009 14:11

YAB totally and utterly U.

Hers is a one off event.

I have no idea when my BIL and SILs birthdays are and certainly wouldn't have planned my wedding round them.

FAQinglovely · 01/04/2009 14:12

"Hers is a one off event."

well generally it is -but with people getting married and divorced x times over who knows how many more there could be in the future

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 14:27

maybe she thought it would be lovely to have all that celebrating going on at one time? three family birthdays, a wedding celebration etc etc. a lovely, family thing to do.

i wouldn't have a clue when either of my sil's b-day was though tbh. i vaguely know when the niece's b-day is - but only because it's christmas lol (inconsiderate, doesn't she know we're busy?!)

i'm not sure whether she would have even considered it though, tbh. it certainly wouldn't have crossed my mind to check when dh's niece's b-day was when i was planning my wedding lol.

i wouldn't dare to presume that my family featured particularly highly in anyone's else's plans lol (short of an invite, which i could accept or turn down). no-one else's does in mine. which probably means i am u. but hey ho.

mammapiggy · 01/04/2009 14:28

Schmu - so is the wedding over the whole weekend and camping overnight??
Could you not just go to one day of the wedding celebration, saturday for instance and then do something for your dd birthday on the sunday?

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 14:28

golly, lots of unnecessary 's in there. sorry pedants.

FAQinglovely · 01/04/2009 14:30

to be fair to the OP I do find it a little odd to have the wedding party 2 months after the actual wedding - I mean isn't that when the "honeymoon period" is already coming to an end

trixymalixy · 01/04/2009 14:39

Do you expect her to go round and find out every wedding guest's birthday and plan the event so that it didn't coincide with any of them?

Get a grip FFS.

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2009 14:43

YABU

I got married on a May bank holiday, which upselt people who couldn't go a way for a long weekend, and my SIL who had exams and couldn't revise, apparently. How incosiderate of me.

Weddings will always upset someone, this time it just happens to be you.

2rebecca · 01/04/2009 14:45

If I was your SIL and my husband told me that planned date of wedding celebration was on his sister's birthday and 2 days after his niece's birthday I would check with his sister first as it's not when the actual wedding is.
I think it's a shame to have your birthdays hijacked like this, but think you should probably just tell your husband you think she's been thoughtless about the date and leave it at that.
I think she was unreasonable not to check the date was OK with you first.

themildmanneredjanitor · 01/04/2009 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeast · 01/04/2009 14:47

poor schmu is getting a bit of a pasting!