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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that its a bit odd for SIL to have chosen to...

89 replies

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:32

hold her post wedding party on my actual birthday, which is also dd's 'birthday weekend' ie- her birthday's on the friday so it would make sense to hold her party at the weekend.

its a full weekend event. marquee/ camping in a field with lots of people i dont know, so no propspect of any me time etc etc.plus thing with my ILs are a bit tense, atm.

the actual wedding is over 2 months before hand, so AIBU to have wanted this particular weekend as our celebration?

i appreciate that weddings are hugely more important than birthdays and that the whole world doesnt revolve around me,lol! but does anyone else feel that this choice of date is a bit odd?

OP posts:

BecauseImWoeufit · 03/04/2009 16:14

I'm surprised by two things on this thread - one the hostility and vitriol aimed at schmu. Why can't people read the OP properly?!

I'm also surprised and a little at how many people don't know their SIL/BIL's birthdays.

I can't say if YABU because I don't know the situation fully. If it was done deliberately, i.e. knowing about your birthday/your dd's birthday and your plans, then yes it's a bit odd of your SIL.

noonar · 03/04/2009 16:19

thanks becauseim

stealthsquiggle · 03/04/2009 16:27

I am not sure I can be bothered have time to read the whole thread, but my reaction to the OP would be that there may be valid reasons for SIL to have chosen that weekend, but that YANBU to expect her to at least have talked to you about it, and to have recognised that it does clash with both your and DDs birthdays.

Fairynufff · 03/04/2009 16:56

If it is a drunk camping trip - don't go. It's not exactly geared around kids is it? so you'll have the perfect excuse. Do your own thing just like she is doing. I'm sure she won't miss you if her agenda is to 'party' with friends. You don't sound very close so no big deal IMO.

Jenbot · 03/04/2009 17:06

You might meet some nice people even if you won't know anyone. Go with an open mind!
I doubt it was intended to upset you, just have DD's party the weekend before.

Original poster

schmu · 03/04/2009 17:40

i will try to go with an open mind, but it is a fact that i wont be able to participate fully. there will be music in a marquee and camping in the adjacent field. as soon as the dds get too tired- prob around 9.30pm- i'll be spending my evening in a tent with no adult company. i totally, totally get it that its my sil's day but i'm just a bit disappointed that it happens to be my bday, as i wont even be able to join in the partying.

OP posts:

Original poster

schmu · 03/04/2009 17:54

you know what, this has a lot to do with relatonships with inlaws. i see my role on the day as delivering the goods in terms of supplying beautifully dressed and well behaved bridesmaids (the dds) and taking the brides maids off when they get tired so that dh can celebrate unencumbered with 'his' family, knowing that my presence wont be missed (by them, not dh).

i guess that's why i dont want it on my birthday of all days.

OP posts:

Fairynufff · 03/04/2009 18:23

In that case schmu - make a stand. Don't have a drink and then drive your daughters home at 9.30pm. When they're in bed open a bottle of wine, a big box of lindt chocs and watch Mama Mia. It's a win/win for both parties.

lockets · 03/04/2009 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

schmu · 03/04/2009 18:30

sorry, lockets, that was confusing. the dds are bridesmaids on the wedding day, but will also wear their frocks to the party, and will still be in role as dutiful neices,and iwill be 'provider of neices', if that makes sense. (although the official bridesmaids thing will not be on that day.)

OP posts:

lockets · 03/04/2009 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 03/04/2009 21:59

Is the relationship with your husband part of the problem? If one of my husband's relatives had a wedding party on my birthday I'd like to think that if I had to leave early to take the kids home he'd come with me so that we can go home together and drink chapagne and curl up together. I do think your husband should prioritise your birthday in some way, even if your SIL doesn't.
Him leaving you to go home on your own with the kids sounds really mean. Can't you say something to him about this?

2rebecca · 03/04/2009 22:01

Does it have to be a tent? Isn't there a B&B somewhere that you can stay at as it is your birthday?

thumbbunny · 03/04/2009 22:42

Schmu, how far do you have to travel for this event?
Is it possible for you all to go home on the Saturday and have a nice family birthday day on the Sunday?
Is your DH insisting that you all stay the whole weekend?

If it were me, I would insist strongly suggest that we all go home on the Saturday night and not do the camping thing at all (which sounds like as much fun as a bucket of cold sick tbh.)

I really hope you manage to sort it out to a mutually satisfying conclusion. And ignore all the spiteful crap on this thread that says your & your DD's b'days are just nothing in comparison with a post-wedding party - bollocks.

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