Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that its a bit odd for SIL to have chosen to...

89 replies

schmu · 01/04/2009 13:32

hold her post wedding party on my actual birthday, which is also dd's 'birthday weekend' ie- her birthday's on the friday so it would make sense to hold her party at the weekend.

its a full weekend event. marquee/ camping in a field with lots of people i dont know, so no propspect of any me time etc etc.plus thing with my ILs are a bit tense, atm.

the actual wedding is over 2 months before hand, so AIBU to have wanted this particular weekend as our celebration?

i appreciate that weddings are hugely more important than birthdays and that the whole world doesnt revolve around me,lol! but does anyone else feel that this choice of date is a bit odd?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 01/04/2009 14:50

my sister got MARRIED on my birthday

this year on my birthday i have to go to a memorial service - nowt I can do about it

sometimes there are just unavoidable clashes

why don't you look on it as the chance to have a fab celebration for lots of different but happy events?

fircone · 01/04/2009 15:00

some families are more precious about birthdays than others.

dh's family all make a huge fuss about their own birthdays. Mil even said when she had twin gcs, "Thank goodness they were early and didn't spoil my birthday." !!

Dh himself is already planning his birthday celebrations - that great milestone of 44 years. I've failed to notice the special section in the card racks devoted to the age of 44...

But I think, OP, on this occasion, you and your dd will have to take birthday rain-checks. Or, as someone said, enjoy your sil's party. So what if you don't know anyone? You can be drunk and embarrassing in peace.

WildSeahorses · 01/04/2009 15:10

Well, I think it depends on whether or not she has done this on purpose. If she has indeed done it in the knowledge that it clashes with a few family members' birthdays, the I do think it's a bit odd - after all, her 'one-off event' is her wedding, which will have happened two months prior to the party, so there was no reason why her party had to be on any particular weekend. Obviously if she has a big do then it is bound to clash with something, but very close family's significant dates are to be avoided if poss, IMHO. YANBU to be disappointed either.

Shambolic · 01/04/2009 15:16

YABU I think it sounds lovely. You can have a right old knees up at someone elses expense and everyone will make a huge fuss of your DD.

Then you can celebrate all over again the following weekend!

This honestly would not bother me in the slightest.

Actually hang on a sec....

Yes have just remembered that BIL is getting married on my birthday weekend this year. It hadn't actually crossed my mind to think anything of it apart from "what a coincedence that's my birthday" TBH.

katiestar · 01/04/2009 16:04

It would never occur to me to expect my inlaws to arrange their nuptuals around me !!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 01/04/2009 16:07

Your DD won't mind having her party on a different weekend. I've postponed my DD's party this year 'cos I wanted to go to a poultry auction on her birthday.

Northernlurker · 01/04/2009 16:11

Oh great April Fool!

Well done!

I mean it has to be doesn't it?

Surely nobody is actually so self-centred as to be offended that they will need to spend their birthday weekend celebrating the lifelong union of a close family member...are they?

TsarChasm · 01/04/2009 16:13

Lol yabu! I always find it a bit odd when adults get wound up about their birthdays and expect everyone to make a huge deal out of it. Can't you do it another weekend?

preggersplayspop · 01/04/2009 16:13

YABU, I'm sure it never even entered her head. Go and enjoy the party. Birthdays aren't that big a deal surely?

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2009 21:24

I would love to go to a wedding celebration on my birthday! You get to wear a nice dress and have a few drinks....what else were you planning to do? Or do you really not want to be with your family on your b'day?

Babbity · 01/04/2009 21:28

YABU.

Having said that, my little sister got married on my 31st birthday but bless her, she did ask me beforehand if it was ok. (it was!)

thehairybabysmum · 01/04/2009 21:41

YABU

Maybe she thought it would be nice for you all to celebrate together?

alicet · 01/04/2009 22:20

YABtotallyU

Your dd's birthday isn't even on that weekend anyway - its the Friday before. She doesn't therefore have to have her birthday celebrations that weekend - if you want a weekend party for her it won't be on her actual birthday anyway will it so do something the weekend before. She will prbably love to be around her family on her birthday and have a lot of fun anyway.

As for your birthday I think you need to get over it. Birthdays are just not that big a deal as an adult and I wouldn't even know when my sil's was (Sept but no idea what day). It wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about people's birthdays if I was planning a wedding. I would choose the day that worked best for me. Actually as you were at the family celebration already if I was her it would be more important to me that friends who hadn't been were able to attend.

Sorry but YABU

2rebecca · 01/04/2009 23:39

The Friday before the weekend is that weekend though. That's how I interpreted it as the poster said that was the obvious weekend for her party. If my kids have had a birthday on a Friday the party is often on the following Sat or Sunday. She didn't say it was 2 Fridays before the weekend, just the Friday before ie the day preceding the Saturday of the wedding weekend.
Maybe some people think Friday is part of the weekend so thought differently to me. To me a weekend is just Sat and Sun.
I know when my nephew's birthdays are, and do think she's been thoughtless.

thumbbunny · 01/04/2009 23:56

Agree with 2rebecca - the friday is the day before the weekend in question by the sound of it, so that weekend is the ideal one to have DD's party.

I also know when all my in-laws birthdays are, and my nieces' birthdays; and although the OP has refrained from saying so, the fact that she mentioned relations with her ILs were strained, suggests there might have been an element of meanness with the chosen date.

As for having a great party for herself and her DD - that might not be easy with a bunch of people she doesn't know, and half of DD's family won't be there either.

Some posters here have been very harsh - I have a feeling that if someone had posted about their post-wedding party being on SIL and DN's b'days but tough, there might have been some Bridezilla comments flying around.

lockets · 02/04/2009 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

loulou35 · 02/04/2009 00:36

....you dont have to go...... go with good grace, or dont go at all- you/ she cant please all the people all the time....

mrsblanc · 02/04/2009 00:39

YABU

Sounds ideal to me - you get to join in on someone else's party while celebrating yours and dd's.
I hope you all go and have a lovely time

ChippingIn · 02/04/2009 01:16

Skipping to the end of the thread to put in my 2p worth...

Your SIL should know your birthday and definitely your daughters birthday - she's her AUNTY and PLANNING something else which she will expect you and other family to attend is rude. IF this was the only available date within a reasonable time frame she should have called you first to see how you felt/explain, as they waited 2 months after the wedding to 'celelbrate' I can't see the harm in waiting a bit longer!

I guess as you get older birthdays do come along a quite a rate of knotts... but there is nothing wrong with celebrating each and everyone of them we are lucky enough to have 5 or 50.

Your DD isn't 'lots of family and friends' she is her NIECE. It's rude and YANBU.

ChippingIn · 02/04/2009 01:41

SCHMU... LOL... I think I am getting more wound up about this than you , I have just read the rest of the thread (which I should have done first, I don't normally post unless I have read the whole thread!)...

I don't see anything wrong with adults celelbrating (or even celebrating!!) their birthday. Too many people die too young and celebrating the fact that you have enjoyed/survived another year is not childish/ridiculous/selfish or whatever some posters here claim. It doesn't matter if you are 40 or 41... it's another year of life lived, and hopefully made the most of...

As for those saying your daughter could have the party another weekend, why should she have to, for a SIL who is so fecking inconsiderate that she couldn't organise a PARTY not a wedding, a PARTY, another weekend??

Ruby - the clash wasn't really that unavoidable though was it?? It's not like it's an aquaintance or even as though they have a huge family and loads of birthdays....I think the OP said 6 family birthdays, 3 in one week.... not too challenging to have a PARTY another weekend (they had the WEDDING 2 months previous!!).

Stripeyknickers - pardon? You have postponed your daughters birthday because you want to go to a poultry auction??

Right, off to get the knot out of my knickers and get some sleep....

trixymalixy · 02/04/2009 10:46

Have you thought that perhaps they wanted to have the reception as close to the wedding as possible and if they didn't have it that weekend then due to other things happening then it would have ended up even further away.

Yes, birthdays should be celebrated, but something like a wedding reception should take priority.

Stinkyfeet · 02/04/2009 10:59

Would it be out of the question to have dd's party on the Friday? If she's at school, could you do something 4-6pm ish? If she's younger, do it in the afternoon.

roulade · 02/04/2009 11:33

Hear hear @ chippingin!!! I agree with you 100%
Why is the party a whole weekend?
Just have your dds party on the saturday afternoon then pop to the wedding party in the evening ( after getting a babysitter )
BTW i do know all my ils birthday dates and my dh is one of 7 [angelic emoticon]

Original poster
schmu · 03/04/2009 16:02

i just logged on to check my thread. boy what a mistake that was. thanks everyone for your vitriolic attack.

chippingin, thankyou to you and the couple of others who've made supportive comments, but you know what, i dont think that many people have bothered to read the bit about it being a camping party, long after the actual wedding. it ISNT her wedding. i too would love to go to a wedding in a posh frock on my birthday, but it isnt a wedding. it'll be camping in a field with lots of drunk people i dont know, with no kids, and me supervising our kids in their tents, just as the party gets going.

i wasnt expecting everyone to agree with me, but i think that some of you have been unnecessarily hostile.

OP posts:
Original poster
schmu · 03/04/2009 16:02

i just logged on to check my thread. boy what a mistake that was. thanks everyone for your vitriolic attack.

chippingin, thankyou to you and the couple of others who've made supportive comments, but you know what, i dont think that many people have bothered to read the bit about it being a camping party, long after the actual wedding. it ISNT her wedding. i too would love to go to a wedding in a posh frock on my birthday, but it isnt a wedding. it'll be camping in a field with lots of drunk people i dont know, with no kids, and me supervising our kids in their tents, just as the party gets going.

i wasnt expecting everyone to agree with me, but i think that some of you have been unnecessarily hostile.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread