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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still feel a tiny bit hacked off that I was found lacking by a certain "rival" website?

368 replies

notgoodenough · 31/03/2009 20:20

I have my suspicions what the reasons were for my rejection but won't go into them because I don't want to disclose who I am.

And yes I do know for a fact that I was vetoed, not "accidentally left out".

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 01/04/2009 12:40

lol

Original poster
notgoodenough · 01/04/2009 20:24

Just coming back to this thread to say that I haven't made anything up - I am a regular MNer and I know that I was vetoed. For personal reasons I don't want to go into MN met a lot to me a few years ago, and therefore the posters on MN, and it therefore came as a huge shock that I was not included in the new site. I know it makes me quite pathetic but on the evening I found out I cried genuine tears all evening because I felt so very very hurt. This was, however, quite a few weeks ago and I'm mostly over it now, but occasionally I think about it and still feel a little bit of sadness/resentment.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 01/04/2009 20:26

why do you want to keep talking about it if it hurts you?....just forget about it..

Yurtgirl · 01/04/2009 20:35

notgoodenough - if MN meant a lot to you 'a few years ago' but less so recently its hardly surprising that when the moldies went off to be mouldy you were forgotten! Im sure it wasnt a deliberate backstabbing thing - more that they want to be cliquey on their own!!!!

Life moves on and is far too short too worry about such things

Ive been on mumsnet for 4 1/2 years, I doubt they would remember me or want me nosing in on their little clique either tbh - but Im not going to upset myself by finding that out!

Cheer up and make some more internet or better still real life friends

LackaDAISYcal · 02/04/2009 11:00

I agree that life moves on. You're not alone in feeling very hurt about this, but I'm sure everyone else has moved on and come to the conclusion that MN is the better for it really. And lots of new online friendships have been forged. And dare I say it, even some of the bigger shoes are slowly being filled by other, just as controversial and opinionated, posters. tis the circle of life in all it's glory.

And...some of the moldies post on both sites, some of the more infamous ones come and post sporadically under different names (though they are often pretty obvious) but it seems to have made MN less cliquey and brown-nosey imo.

(and perhaps if you posted under your usual posting name, we would be able to tell just how "well known" you were and therefore better able to gauge the depth of your hurt feelings )

naswm · 02/04/2009 11:08

From notgoodenoughs posts I suspect that MN means a lot to her and thus the moldie thing has knocked her for six. If she wants to go on about it how it is upsetting her, then let's let her. There are plenty of us on here who are still 'going on' about past upsets and being told to move on and get over doesnt help.

Listen to the constructive posts in this thread notgoodenough, and try to see if you can appreciate the kindness and friendship offered. Allow yourself to greive for lost friendships of the MN of the past and try to welcome the spring with the hope of newfound friendships.

daftpunk · 02/04/2009 11:13

actually naswn...sometimes people need a kick up the arse...telling them to "welcome spring with the hope of newfound friendships"... (over something as trivial as a rival website)...is slightly over the top..imo.

naswm · 02/04/2009 11:25

I dont agree with you daftpunk - I rarely believe that a 'kick up the arse' is what people need, in any situation. Nor would I like to judge how important or trival a website is to one person in their life. I have met many people on MN over the years, and I know a fair few for whom MN has been a lifesaver and often the only source of friendship they have on a daily basis. My comment about the spring may have seemed over the top to you, but it was offered as a kind empathetic gesture to someone who from the sounds of her posts is not very happy at the moment.

Wormsmeat · 02/04/2009 11:30

It was a kind remark naswm -- not over the top.

LackaDAISYcal · 02/04/2009 11:37

I see where you are coming from naswm (hello by the way ), but this has been raked over soooo many times now which is what hacks people off. It's now nearly four months since it all kicked off, and even if posters are still aggrieved by it, most have the sense not to keep dragging it up. The wounds of left by the whole moldies saga have been starting to heal; this just seems like scab picking for scab picking's sake to me, especially when done under a name change.

daftpunk · 02/04/2009 11:40

yes it was kind...but the op hasn't just been released from 12 years unjustly held as a prisoner from a turkish jail has she?

ScottishMummy · 02/04/2009 11:46

what an irrelevant digression DP.not supporting your point at all.

look bottom line is MN evokes feelings and attachments differently in different people.perhaps for op it was a big deal

whilst i may not share her sentiment,that doewsnt make it less real for her

Original poster
notgoodenough · 02/04/2009 11:52

I changed my name because I was expecting the majority of posters to tell me to just get over it, because I know that's what I should do really and it's what my rational self tells me to do. On the other hand these feelings of hurt are real and there is nowhere else I can bring them up - dh doesn't understand, and in RL nobody knows about my MN habit, so unfortunately I have to come here if I want to voice those feelings. It's not about having my ego stroked though, which is another reason why I changed my name.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 02/04/2009 11:56

notgoodenough...i always have a problem with name-changers...never really sure if they're telling the truth....know what i mean?

i suspect you are full of it.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/04/2009 11:59

I haven't been here long enough to comment on the M - missed it all, and was foolish enough to start a thread once asking what it was all about

However, as an aside, hullygully definitely wins Funniest Poster Of The Week

Original poster
notgoodenough · 02/04/2009 12:00

daftpunk, what do you base that suspicion on?

OP posts:
Original poster
notgoodenough · 02/04/2009 12:01

And why would I lie? What would I gain from starting a thread in which the majority of posters tell me to stop being so ridiculous?

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 02/04/2009 12:08

Hello notgoodenough. I know where you are coming from and only feel sad that you are still so upset that you need to post about it.

I felt as hurt as you, but I can honestly say that I don't mind the rejection now. If I am being totally honest, when I see people I know are Moldies on MN, I do sometimes feel a stirring of the old resentment, but nothing more.

You need to appreciate that what you had with the Moldies, you can have again with new Mners, without the rejection. I met my best friend here (hi naswm!) and even since the Moldies debacle, I have met another lovely friend (hi GooseyLoosey if you are reading this!) and, as a result of the Moldies thing, I have been in email contact with a few other lovely people who shared my hurt or were kind enough to want to alleviate my hurt.

I really hope you can move on soon and enjoy MN again in the way you did before, without always having at the back of your mind that one or two people (that is all it takes to be vetoed) did not like you.

morningpaper · 02/04/2009 12:11

It sucks

I'm sorry

daftpunk · 02/04/2009 12:12

exhibit 1)...you have name changed..(always iffy)

exhibit 2)...no one would cry over being rejected by the moldies...i just don't believe it

exhibit 3)...you keep bumping this thread...classic attention seeking behaviour....not the behaviour of someone genuinely hurt

Kathyis6incheshigh · 02/04/2009 12:14

I think DG's point about the vetoing is really good. It's not that all the Moldies will have voted and every single one, or even the majority, not wanted you - if there is a vetoing system in place it only takes one person for whatever reason.

DumbledoresGirl · 02/04/2009 12:22

Daftpunk, I cried over it.

LackaDAISYcal · 02/04/2009 12:26

I can see why you are upset about it OP, so in that respect YANBU; it's the constant raking over the embers that is getting tedious.

Just when things die down and everyone starts to move on, up pops another thread and it starts all over again.

BecauseImWoeufit · 02/04/2009 12:31

Daftpunk - lots of people were very hurt by it. Me included. I didn't cry, but I can sort of understand someone who was very dependent on MN for emotional support might have done.

nge - it is hard, but it is time to let it go, and to focus on the fact that there are just as many (actually thousands more!) lovely people here on MN. There will be lots of support for you.

And Daftpunk is lovely because I've met her.

TotalChaos · 02/04/2009 12:36

exhibit 1)OK, I'll give you, namechanging does make you more

exhibit 2)nope, don't agree, people that have been on the site for many years will have formed strong attachments and possibly (myself included!)become a wee bit psychologically dependent - bear in mind 5 years ago the site was much smaller as well.

exhibit 3)the OP has posted less than ten times in a 300 plus post thread - hardly continuous bumping. And if she had posted once and never again, people would have thought it was even dodgier.