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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to hear how horrible childbirth is every 5 minutes!!!

111 replies

girlylala0807 · 29/03/2009 21:49

Im sick of this.

In the supermarket..."oh your not giving birth there..left me in my own blood for 12 hours...its the worst pain ever...take all the drugs!!

My best friend today, "oh you wont enjoy it, its awful, but you know just breath through it, I managed on just gas and air..."

People at bus stops..."oh poor you, childbirth the worst thing you will ever go through..ever...aw I feel sorry for you now!!"

I know its not going to be good but aibu to not want to heat it every 5 bloody minutes!!!!

OP posts:

bradder · 23/06/2011 00:12

It is very individual to give birth including the length and pain it causes. It is also very individual and so dependent on different factors. Body shape, baby size and position, fitness and weight. No one can tell you about how it will be for you. I hate it when people inflict their own personal view on others. It simply is not helpful. It is like asking what it is like to fall over or break a leg. It is so dependent on whether you fall down a shaft and are stuck or slip on the pavement.

How can such a life changing event be described to another person except in their experience. My births were easy enough, but my older daughter had a more difficult birthing experience. My younger daughter had much easier and shorter labours. My younger daughter is fitter and had smaller babies.

Be empowered by informing yourself with regards to relaxation, being as fit as you can be before and during pregnancy, knowing how baby develops inside of you and what impact your emotions, physic, diet and health have on your unborn child. Be prepared. Don't be scared, all the fright and flight hormones will have an inhibiting effect on your labour if you are scared. This is why labour often stops when a woman goes into hospital, because her fight and flight hormones temporarily stop labour until she is more comfortable with her surroundings. It is what animals do, if they feel threatened. Women are giving birth in a very natural but primitive way.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 23/06/2011 06:08

I enjoyed my home birth. By enjoyed I mean, didn't hate or moan about the pain.

The poor people hype it up the easier it'll be...I didn't find it that bad at all. No stitches or tears or needles. Fabulous.

And those who find it the worst experience of all time, often go on to have more.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/06/2011 06:30

This thread is from March 2009.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 23/06/2011 06:37

I blame Bradder, personally.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 23/06/2011 06:45

My mum came with me to the partners session of my antenatal class and was disgusted as she thought they were scaring people far too much.

My experence? Well I was expecting the worst pain of my life that I wouldn't be able to cope with that I would feel like I was dying. I got to hospital at 9 cms and 8 hrs after first contraction delivered with gas and air.

amysaidno · 23/06/2011 09:47

Half way through my labour I felt real anger that no one had actually told me how utterly painful the whole thing was and I felt utterly conned. I felt that everyone who had already given birth must have been laughing at my hopes of a happy and lovely homebirth and I felt foolish. And all that was before I had acutally reached the really bad bit.
I agree with fairynuff, don't go in with an open mind, prepare for the fact that it will probably be agony, you will either be well prepared, or pleasantly surprised.

KilledBill · 23/06/2011 09:53

Sorry but childbirth is horrific.

And ive got large hips.

You might get lucky and have a good birth, you might not.

When some women are "unlucky" they often have problems with the hospital, so by telling you not to go there they think they are helping you.

The only way to be sure is not to have children. Good luck.

KilledBill · 23/06/2011 09:57

And bradder - when I had my child i was young, very fit, very healthy and slim. My baby wasnt a really big baby.

But I was induced, and now the medical profession are starting to admit that those hormones make labour worse, contractions more painful etc.

freemilly · 23/06/2011 10:02

don't listen to them. I've had 2 wonderful births, really positive experiences. As someone else said, you tend not to broadcast this for fear of sounding smug. With every contraction, you just know that you're getting close to the end. The relief at the end of it all is amazing and you've got this little baby in your arms. The most amazing feeling ever. Don't know if you're a runner, but I kind of compare it to a long distance run. With every step, you know you're getting closer to home and I focused on that to get through each contraction. Yes, the contractions aren't a breeze but they don't last indefinitely and you get a break in between each one. If you get in a bit of a rhythm then its bearable. If you're not a runner though, probably not a good idea to start now . Good luck!

NightLark · 23/06/2011 10:02

Do read the 'nice births' thread too - it's not always dreadful. It's amazing how a thread titled '[I do] not want to hear how horrible childbirth is every 5 minutes' attracts all these people to tell you how horrible it is.

DDs birth was great - of course there is pain, but it never got beyond what I could cope with, and I didn't need any drugs to help.

TurkeyBurgerThing · 23/06/2011 10:24

Well I LOVE giving birth, it's absolutely amazing. Best thing you'll ever do. Gas and air is spectacular, maybe a bit of morphine, on your hands and knees and Bob's yer Uncle! It's the most amazing feeling.

Sure, sure some women have an awful time of it and when its your first time you don't know what the hell to expect, no matter what anyone says to you, and you're more likely to focus on the horror stories. When you're 40 weeks and your bump is enormous you do think "how is it possible to push another human out my Fanjo"....but it really is! I think most of the time it's alright.

It's such a fantastic experience! After my 1st I did it another 2 times.

SpottyFrock · 23/06/2011 10:33

The OP is probably on her 3rd by now!

superjobeespecs · 23/06/2011 10:50

my labour was great, i was sat up in bed the whole time, labour lasted 4 hours had gas and air and a shot of pethidine went 22 mins from waters breaking to delivered crowning hurt then the slippy dolphin feeling my stitches hurt more then giving birth.. cant wait to do it all again in october!!

porpoisefull · 23/06/2011 11:02

I recommend this book for managing pain, and remember the drugs are there if you need them.

Bast · 23/06/2011 11:15

My mother was so blasé about birth that I went into a terror induced shock when I experienced the reality.

It felt like my lower body was being ripped in half, I didn't know how to handle that (relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, visualisation, positioning and active birthing, birth support, etc).

With a better understanding of birth which relieved the fear, I went on to have 3 more children, without pain relief.

Fear can cause real problems and hinder birth progress massively, however, it's important that the reality is not minimalised. Preparation is key. It's widely acknowledged that for many, it is painful, it's important to speak to people about ways to manage this, not slip into denial about it.

crispyseaweed · 23/06/2011 11:35

People can be very tackless.
Take no notice,, some folk have no sensitivity.
Its just like Dentist stories.....if you need pain relief then have it. But ignore the silly horrid stories...its just attention seeking crap.

Childbirth does hurt, but one of the most wonderful and exciting moments of your life.
YANBU
Best Wishes for a positive great birth.!! xx

Pussinflatboots · 23/06/2011 11:38

You get the best cup of tea ever in the world at the end!
I didn't get toast (or anything to eat for 12 hours, but that's a whole other story!)

flossymuldoon · 23/06/2011 11:47

Ahaaa yes, that's one benefit of me getting my DS through adoption. No one talks to me much about giving birth which is a good job as there have been times in the past that i need to sit down and i get all queasy (as i am a total wimp!) If i had been lucky enough to conceive i would have just got on with it and it would have been worth it, but i won't ever be sorry to have missed out on that bit. I think you all deserve a medal!!!!

It is amusing to hear other Mums getting all competitive about it though. Some days it's a competition on who had the easiest birth, and some days it's who had the worst.

LadyFlumpalot · 23/06/2011 11:55

Right, I had what would probably be described as a traumatic birth.

Was supposed to be a home birth, DS got stuck so we transferred in. They tried the ventouse twice which failed so they went for the forceps. All on Gas and Air.

People keep sympathising with how awful it must have been...

To me it was fine, time went really quickly as I was so focused on the birth, the contactions were sore yes, but by no means unmanageable (and he was back to back). I went all the way to 10 cm without any pain relief and the only time I screamed was because my calf cramped up when they popped me in stirrups right at the end. I had an incision (epistomy?) which I didn't even know about til I asked if I had torn.

It really, really is not that bad! Also, you forget it all as soon as you see your little bundle anyway, Honestly, it is so strange - but all of the badness just goes away.

The worst part was that the only thing they could find for me to eat in the whole hospital was a dry and curled up cheese sandwich. I hate cheese.

LadyFlumpalot · 23/06/2011 11:57

Oh! Just noticed the thread is from 2009, don't think the OP still needs our support...

DaisyDaresYOU · 23/06/2011 12:03

Drugs are great lmao Pethedine is the way to go though it took the mw ages to get meedle in my buttock with 1st labour(needle phobic) 2nd pregnancy was horrendous(i can't lie)Dd was born posterior and I tore because of it .I only had gas n air.

DaisyDaresYOU · 23/06/2011 12:07

Argh! Bollocks

sallysquirrel · 23/06/2011 12:18

YANBU however childbirth was the biggest shock of my life and I still think everyone was totally unreasonable by not trying to warn me and wished I'd known how bad it was as then I would of known the horror of mine was normal and so would of had a better experience iykwim.
How ever bad it is though it is well worth it - so good luck and enjoy xxx

catgirl1976 · 23/06/2011 13:07

YANBU - No-one told me that as soon as my bump became visible people would corner me and tell me horror stories of births gone wrong / how bad theres was / how their epidural went wrong.......

I can see that it might be nice to expect the worst and have the reality be better but I am hoping for a hypnobirth and find it a bit off putting hearing about the horror stories.........

Stars82 · 23/06/2011 13:11

congrats...

if it helps I had a brill birth with DS, even if it was a C Section :)

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