To Have a Secret Crush on UnQuietDad?

[secretcrush]

Cant help it
The thought that there are intelligent, funny, non-sleazy men out there who have masses in common with me....

It just gives me hope

And he's a regular poster on MN too.

Actually I'm realising that I'm not hugely keen on men talking about breasts on mumsnet. Not suggesting their motives are anything more sinister than harmless schoolboy sniggering, but (as I think someone said before on this thread) mumsnet is a place where we can talk entirely openly about our bodies, particularly at a time when they have undergone the huge changes that come with childbirth. The idea of men peering in and commenting in this context is a little uncomfortable.

Bosoms to right of them,
Bosoms to left of them
Bosoms in front of them
That?s what you get lads!;
Stormed at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the Mumsnet Dads.

Rhubarb...don't fall out with me..please

i am speaking from an entirely personal point of view...i never consider other people...so, when i say the men on here are sad...that's what i would think of my dh.

if i came home and found him on mumsnet, i swear i would laugh...you know if he said " oh, i'm just chatting to some other mums about potty training and teething..i'd say, get a fucking life you saddo....

that will never happen thank god, because my dh isn't very PC, we don't read the guardian..he'd rather watch bernard manning than ben elton (so would i)....i wouldn't wanna be married to some wimp who is in touch with his "feminine side" [chuck]....i want him in touch with his male side 24/7 ....and fwiw..i would be happier if he was on dirty filthy slags net.

That is true Iorek.

thats why I don't go into those threads

PadDad, you missed out

"Flash'd all their sabres bare"

What IrokByrenson says. Everything. I heart her (are you a her?)

Also -

Research (from the late SEVENTIES guys!) showed that when a man arrived home from work his wife would start several topics of conversation. Man would filter through them until he settled on one he might want to discuss. He would then engage with his wife and they would talk about that..

70s eg-
: Her - 'Nice day at the office, dear?'
Him - 'mmm hmm'
(Her, thinks. 'OK, he doesn't want to go there yet')

Her- "Marjorie in accounts is pregnant again'
Him - 'Uh huh'
(Her - hmm, not interested in that either..')

Her - "I made meatloaf for dinner'
Him -'nuh huh'
(Her - thinks, 'Nope, that's no good.')

Her - (tries again) "The council rang about the garbage delivery'
Him (finally animated) "Great. What did they say? Are they going to get it sorted out'... etc, etc

(Wife thinks, OK, that's the thing we're going to talk about)

Also, according to early 80s research, women are 'reflective' listeners - they say 'uh huh' and 'oh yes' and 'really?' when they are listening to show they are reflecting the views of the speaker and engaging with them. Men tend to be 'passive' listeners. When others are talking they are silent, which may cause the speaker to think they are not engaging or understanding with what they are saying.

But hey, it was acceptable in the 80s.

Of course, we have all moved on since then....

PadDad - I'm saying nowt more. I'm in the dog house as it is.

IorekByrnison - agreed. I don't think blokes do come on MN to talk about stuff like that. It just would not be nice. However, it was a woman who brought up the issue here I believe.

no you don't, you just think you do because the ratio women to men is about 10,000:1

It's an illusion. I hate the way he says something (ok, I'll admit) funny and clever and everybody fawns all over him [puke]. I say something funny and clever and it is 38 posts before somebody says lol margot.

Nothing against UQD, just everybody cool your jets and stop fawning.

BetaDad - you are right - swedes brought up the subject of men staring at women's breasts. But you all ran with it remarkably enthusiastically.

Merrylegs - how nice, thank you.

Theirs is to make reply,
Theirs is to reason why,
And not hear our reply:
Into the cleavage of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Breasts to right of them,
Breasts to left of them,
Breasts in front of them.
Stared the six hundred.

ummmm
wondering if I should be in-touch with my manic side a bit more to stick around here
Tis crazy in here I tell ya!

thready

when I read the last half dozen posts
I just want to sing

"stuck in the middle with you
Jokers to the left of me
Jokers to the right
........ etc

daftpunk, your posts on this thread have made me feel so much better.

Not because I agree with you, but because I have been stewing for weeks about something you said on another thread (sorry, I know this isn't the done thing, but this seems like a catch-up kind of thread) and now I feel absolutely fine about completely disregarding your opinion.

I should have felt confident enough in myself to do that anyway, I am aware the fault lies in me not you, but I do feel much better now.

Well, Iorek, hey, it is a crush thread, so I thought I'd get into the spirit.

(plus, I agree with what you are saying! Especially the listening thing.)

pellmell;

clowns to the left of me jokers to the right..

dp..YES!
Hey was close though!

Thanks for that Merrylegs, it all makes sense now.
I will go homw tonight and explain to Mrs BGD that I am a passive listener.
Then switch off.

merrylegs - it is interesting that stuff on listening.

Sometimes I think I should shut up more and listen to my wife. I think I talk too much and so she sometimes feel she never gets to say what she wants. Somtimes I do sit passivley and listen to her but then I get a feeling she wants me to talk more.

What is the right way to properly listen? I mean, about things like talking about the kids and how she feels about our plans for the future - not mundane stuff like what shall we have for tea?

Don't you have conversations with your DW then? Do you have alternate nights with the talking stick? She says something, you listen, you respond, add a comment or a thought, she responds, together you go off on a tangent, you converse. You seem to be quite good at it on here.

Perhaps you should communicate by memo.

I am uncomfortable telling men how they operate, almost like we have the manual on men and they don't!

Your wife loves you as you are, just be yourself.

My dh is a great listener. Sure there are times when he switches off, just as there are times when I do. But to say that all men are bad listeners is wrong.

Be yourselves guys, there's nothing wrong with the people you are!

daftpunk, sorry but that's a crap excuse for being rude. You've had some lovely posts directed your way and you've not responded to any of them. I think I may understand where you are coming from, but then you'll throw in an odd insult - for a reaction? What?

I won't avoid you, but should a similar debate come up I guess I'll remember your techniques and try not to get involved.

Oh and I'd switch off if this was the only conversation going!

georgimama....what are you on about?

tell me, i can take it.

Apparently not only am i "dodgy", but taking an active interst in parenting matters makes me "sad".....where did it all go wrong.
Will be sure to let my DW and DD know later that they're lacking a 'real' man/father in their lives....i'm sure they'll be gutted